100 Things Nations Cannot Do
by in.the.pursuit.of.snark
Summary: A set of guidelines and rules set down to ensure order and progress at the World Meetings. Each nation will come forth with their own 100 rules stating what they cannot do.
1. Denmark

**Welcome to my new fic, I'm doing Denmark first because it's his birthday today! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to start on Sweden's for his birthday tomorrow.**

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**100 things I, Denmark, cannot do.**  
1\. I cannot invite Iceland for any more outings to Finland's saunas.  
2\. Norway will kill me.  
3\. Again.  
4\. I cannot steal Finland's Moomin plushie.  
5\. Even if it was super cuddley.  
6\. I cannot joke about Iceland having no army.  
7\. (See 2 &amp; 3)  
8\. I will not mention the good 'ol Viking days within England's earshot.*  
9\. Even if they were called the good ol days for a reason.  
10\. I cannot come to the World Meetings drunk.  
11\. I cannot leave the World Meetings drunk.  
12\. I cannot go out to the bar with Germany, Prussia, and England.  
13\. I cannot play Pirate 101 with England and Spain ever again.  
14\. I cannot force Norway to play with us either.  
15\. I cannot dress up as a Viking and come to the meeting in a Viking boat.  
16\. Even if it is totally awesome.  
17\. Prussia would agree.  
18\. I should not gamble with Finland's dog.  
19\. That dog is damn good at gambling.  
20\. I should not speak of the Kalmar Union within earshot of Sweden and Norway.  
21\. I should stop thinking about it all together.  
22\. It makes me depressed...  
23\. I cannot bring beer to meetings as 'refreshments.'  
24\. Last time I did, Prussia complained German beer was better.  
25\. Then I tackled him and turned the entire meeting into a brawl.  
26\. I cannot call myself King of the North.  
27\. Even though I am.  
28\. I cannot tell England's former colonies that the reason America and Canada don't have England's eyebrows is because England liked them best.  
29\. They will probably kidnap them again.  
30\. I cannot make a Lego castle and pretend to declare war on the world.*  
31\. Even if it was funny watching them scream in pain from standing on Legos.  
32\. They did make me come out two hours later though.  
33\. I cannot pull Norway's curl.  
34\. Even if I know what he will do.  
35\. I cannot hang out Liechtenstein anymore.  
36\. Switzerland will shoot me.  
37\. And that is painful.  
38\. I cannot blow up Sweden's castles on our Minecraft server.*  
39\. I will get killed with pork chops.  
40\. And that is humiliating.  
41\. I will not mention the WWII Jewish star prank within earshot of Germany.*  
42\. He is still touchy about it.  
43\. I cannot eat eggs in front of Prussia.  
44\. He will tackle me.  
45\. Then Norway would get mad for starting a fight.  
47\. (See 2 &amp; 3)  
48\. I cannot play strip poker with America.  
49\. I think I saw noses bleeding.  
50\. I cannot joke to Iceland about Norway wanting him to call him older brother.  
51\. Iceland will attempt to hit me.  
52\. It will not hurt at all because he has no army.  
53\. I cannot mention Christmas around Finland.  
54\. Because he will whip out the Christmas decorations and fling them on me.  
55\. And then he will start singing Christmas Carols.  
56\. Living with Finland has made me sick of Christmas carols.  
57\. I should not let France into my house.  
58\. Or Russia.  
59\. I cannot set Lego booby traps in the Conference building.  
60\. They don't work like the Lego castle, the nations actually wear shoes this time.  
61\. I cannot call America a cannibal when he asks for coffee and a Danish.  
62\. I cannot forget that Faroe Islands exists.  
63\. It's not my fault that he's so easy to overlook!  
64\. I cannot have an axe fight with Spain.  
65\. It would have been pointless, I would win anyway.  
66\. I cannot join America in his Disco Pogo Friday celebration.  
67\. Even if five other nations were there.  
68\. I cannot dress up as the little mermaid and pretend to be the statue.*  
69\. I cannot make any jokes about this number.  
70\. I cannot maul America whenever he sings Part of Your World.  
71\. He knows nothing about the original tale.  
72\. I cannot claim Netherlands stole my haircut.  
73\. It's not true anyway, my haircut is way better.  
74\. I cannot encourage Ladonia to take independence.  
75\. Sweden will stare me down.  
76\. And that is uncomfortable.  
77\. I cannot ride a red deer into the World Meeting.*  
78\. Or anything for that matter.  
79\. I cannot take off my shirt in a World Meeting.  
80\. Or anywhere that's public.  
81\. Japan will probably post his picture of me on his website.  
82\. Not that I mind, anyway.  
83\. I cannot go treasure hunting with America.  
84\. All we found was an old wad of gum.  
85\. I cannot pretend I'm Godzilla and wreck America's Lego city.  
86\. Even though my Lego city is way better.  
87\. I cannot ask Poland if he's sure he's a man.  
88\. He will chase me around with his pink pony.  
89\. I think he painted the pony pink.  
90\. I cannot join in anymore beer contests with Germany.  
91\. Both of us will just end up wasted.  
92\. I cannot force the Nordics to cross dress for the 'special occasions.  
93\. (See 2 &amp; 3)  
94\. I cannot tell Finland that his fish food thing is disgusting.  
95\. Even if it is true.  
96\. I cannot tell England his food is terrible.  
97\. Again, even if it is true.  
98\. I cannot not try Iceland's shrooms.  
99\. I will take this seriously, knowing that if I don't obey these rules laid down will result in severe punishment.  
100\. Screw 99.

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***The Nordics had such great times raiding England's villages and invading his vital regions.**

***Legos were invented in Denmark.**

***I like to think the Nordics have a Minecraft server where they play around and Denmark just trolls everyone.**

***The Jewish Star prank is when Germany invaded Denmark and said the Jewish had to wear the star of David thing, everyone wore the star of David. So the nazi couldn't tell the real Jews.**

***The little mermaid tale originated from the Danish writer Hans Christan Andersen. There is a little mermaid statue in the capital of Denmark.**

***The red deer is from Denmark.**


	2. Sweden

**It's here! Sweden's! I'm sorry I didn't post this on his birthday yesterday, I was posting it on Instagram! But it's here!**

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**100 things, I, Sweden, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot beat up Denmark.

2\. Even if he deserved to be beaten up.

3\. I cannot get in a fight with Japan when he says he supports Su-Den.

4\. I cannot get in a fight with Hungary either when she says she supports Su-Den.

5\. Both would result very badly.

6\. I cannot make a stool and bring to a world meeting and then start talking to it.

7\. It would creep other nations out.

8\. Even though there is no one to talk to anyway...

9\. Everyone is frightened by me and Finland doesn't enjoy it when I talk to him for long periods.

10\. I cannot stare down Russia.

11\. He does not get intimidated and will try smile me down.

12\. And then there will be a staring-smiling brawl.

13\. There would be no winners because who ever wins will get killed by the other.

14\. I cannot hunt Denmark down when he ruins my dinner parties.*

15\. I only have dinner parties once in a long while and I want them to be perfect.

16\. So hunting Denmark down before my dinner parties is a better idea.

17\. I cannot kill Denmark when he goes around showing drawings of the time I had long hair.

18\. Even if I really want to.

19\. I cannot maul Denmark when he puts a wreath on me for Christmas.

20\. He knows it's only for girls.

21\. I cannot recreate Busby's chair and make England think it is the real one.

22\. I cannot throw saffron cakes on Denmark's face.*

23\. Even if he completely needed it.

24\. I will not speak of Kalmar Union.

25\. Especially in front of Denmark.

26\. He will get depressed.

27\. And clingy.

28\. And will start hugging the Nordics at random times for self security.

29\. No one wants that.

30\. I cannot read Prussia's blog.

31\. Nor do I want to.

32\. I cannot brag to Denmark about the Swedish Empire.

33\. Even if it was completely better than the Danish Kingdom.

34\. I cannot kill Denmark on our Minecraft server when he blows up my castles.

35\. At least, not right away.

36\. I will get the other Nordics to team together with me.

36\. And we will kill Denmark with pork chops.

37\. That is much better than killing right away.

38\. I cannot sleep in my hotel room shirtless anymore.

39\. Because Hungary will have put cameras in there.

40\. And she will give the tapes to Denmark.

41\. And he will get ideas.

42\. I cannot call Finland my wife.

43\. Finland is a man and he does not like it.

44\. Even if he would make a great wife...

45\. I cannot kill Denmark for Norway when he steals Norway's butter.

46\. Norway will have to kill Denmark himself.

47\. I cannot spend my entire weekend at the IKEA store.

48\. Finland thinks I have a problem.

49\. I think not.

50\. I cannot keep on talking to my furniture.

51\. This problem is real.

52\. I cannot use Hana for gambling.

53\. Even if she racks in money like there's no tomorrow.

54\. I cannot keep on putting a cardboard box over Sealand's head.

55\. Even if he needs to stop watching anime.

56\. I cannot fight with Estonia about who's better with computers.

57\. I, for one, do not spend all my time on the computer.

58\. I have other hobbies besides sitting glued to the internet.

59\. I cannot beat Denmark up when he makes us cross dress for Christmas.

60\. I am told he will not do it again.

61\. I do not believe it.

62\. I cannot tell America anything about Pewdiepie.

63\. He will spread gossip that I play games with him.

64\. I do not, of course.

65\. Seriously, I don't.

66\. I cannot tell America anything about Notch.

67\. (See 63 through 65)

68\. I cannot stab Denmark with a candle.

69\. No matter how much I want to.

70\. Especially on Christmas.

71\. Finland says it ruins the Christmas spirit.

72\. I say Denmark ruins the Christmas spirit.

73\. I cannot stare down Denmark as an alternative to beating him up.

74\. Unfortunately.

75\. I cannot kill Denmark when he pretends to be his bi-sexual writer, Han Christian Andersen.

76\. Especially when he tries to cuddle with me.

77\. Excuse me. *Hurls*

78\. I cannot play Minecraft with Finland with PvP mode on.

79\. Because he would own my ass.

80\. And he would call me an asswipe.

81\. I cannot call Denmark a sick fuck when he wears his narwhal shirt and his rapper pants.

82\. Even if he does look like a sick fuck.

83\. Norway would agree with me.

84\. I cannot take away Denmark's axe.

85\. He would start crying.

86\. And start hugging the Nordics at random times.

87\. I cannot hunt down Denmark when he tries to copy my hairstyle.

88\. Especially with a bow and arrow.

89\. Denmark would call me Katniss Everdeen.

90\. Whoever that is.

91\. I cannot kill Denmark for Norway when Denmark flirts with Iceland.

92\. (See 46)

93\. I cannot injure the person who created 'How to get rid of Unnecessary Cheap Swedish furniture.'

94\. Everyone knows my furniture is the best.

95\. I cannot leave off on this list to kill Denmark.

96\. I have made that point several times to not to.

97\. Even if he poured coffee over the chair I was working on.

98\. I know it is not an accident.

99\. I am not allowed to injure Denmark in anyway, no matter how great my anger.

100\. Forget it.

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***Yes, I got 14 from Scandinavia and the world.**

***Saffron cakes- a sort of Swedish sweet.**


	3. Iceland

**Im so sorry for missing Iceland's Birthday! I will now quickly work on both Thailand's and Seychelles's**!

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100 things I, Iceland, cannot do.

1\. I cannot bribe Mr. Puffin with fish to scare the other Nordics.

2\. I cannot put Hong Kong's spices in the other Nordics' food.

3\. Last time I did, Denmark spent half an hour puking.

4\. I cannot join Norway when he was gambling with Hana.

5\. Last I did, he bet me away and lost me to Hana as well.

6\. As so did Denmark, who lost both Greenland and Faroe Islands and his clothes.

7\. I should not share my shampoo with Denmark.

8\. He put blue hair dye in it and that was how I had to spend a week with neon blue hair.

9\. I cannot try to migrate with Mr. Puffin and his gang.

10\. It freaks people out.

11\. Especially Norway.

12\. Even though most people can't even tell.

13\. I cannot dump ice on Norway when he asks me to call him 'big brother.'

14\. I have made the point several times that I am too old to call him that.

15\. I cannot tackle Denmark when he jokes about my complete lack of an army.

16\. No comment.

17\. I cannot join Hong Kong for his firework festivals.

18\. They will always end badly.

19\. I should stop hanging out with Turkey.

20\. Especially when we go to Turkish steam bathes.

21\. Norway will hunt him down and kill him if he knew this.

22\. OH SHIT, NORWAY-

23\. I cannot say, "Everyone's just overreacting.", while blowing up a volcano in the background.

24\. That is contradiction.

25\. Even if I look super bad ass.

26\. I cannot go to the world meeting on a motorcycle.

27\. Especially if I decide to enter by crashing through the meeting walls on my ride.

28\. (See 25)

29\. I cannot bribe any elves to scare the shit out of the other nations.

30\. I should not bring lava to the World Meetings.

31\. This has proven to be an extremely bad idea.

32\. I cannot carry on drinking so much Coca Cola.

33\. Norway thinks I have a problem.

34\. I think the other.

35\. Greenland and I cannot switch names.

36\. It confused the other Nordics and in the end, Denmark and Norway made us switch back.

37\. Even if it does make more sense than our current names.

38\. I cannot join Romano in his mafia raids.

39\. (See 25)

40\. I cannot laugh at the rest of Europe's nations' names of things.

41\. Like Switzerland's 'ass forest', and Austria's 'shit valley end.'

42\. Mmph, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-

43\. *collapses from laughing*

44\. Even if several nations would agree with me on this case.

45\. I cannot keep on overworking myself.

46\. I will keep on collapsing from exhaustion.

47\. Icelanders do work the longest and the hardest though...

48\. I should not switch Norway's regular black coffee with any other kind.

49\. He will become hyper...

50\. ...and scary...

51\. ...and starts laughing at random times...

52\. "..."

53\. I cannot keep on standing outside whenever ashes are falling.

54\. It's bad for my lungs.

55\. I cannot drive into people's driveways and say, "Vroom, vroom, motherfucker."

56\. (See 25)

57\. I cannot set people's backyards on fire while dressed as the grim reaper.

58\. It freaks people out.

59\. I don't see why.

60\. I cannot hit America when he says I copied Norway's flag.

61\. I didn't.

62\. I swear, I really didn't!

63\. Shut up, Norway.

64\. I cannot try Hong Kong's opium.

65\. It's a very bad idea.

66\. I cannot continue drawing my 'Finnie the Pooh' comics.

67\. Finland is not amused.

68\. Sweden likes them, though.

69\. I cannot 'help' Hong Kong with his New Year plans.

70\. That will get me no where.

71\. I cannot feed Hong Kong fish cake.

72\. I had to send him to the emergency room after.

73\. He still looked a little green after, though.

74\. And he didn't touch anything that contained fish for two weeks.

75\. I cannot ask Denmark how big his capital is.

76\. Nor do I want to.

77\. I cannot go near Finland between September and Christmas.

78\. His entire house will be covered in FUCKING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS.

79\. And he will go everywhere dressed as Santa.

80\. I cannot kill any other European countries after Eurovision.

81\. Especially if it's the winner.

82\. Damn you, Austria!

83\. I cannot walk in on Norway practicing his magic.

84\. That's what he says anyway...

85\. It looked like he was just laughing while dancing like a stupid fairy.

86\. I cannot continue using my shrooms.

87\. I don't recommend it anyway.

88\. I cannot reenact scenes from South Park.

89\. Especially with Hong Kong.

90\. I cannot harm anyone who makes fun of my porn ban.

91\. Especially Denmark.

92\. I cannot set stone on glass with a red LCD screen as my flooring.

93\. Especially if I play lava bubbling in the background.

94\. I don't see why it freaks people out.

95\. I cannot play 'No Prejudice'.

96\. Especially if I sing to it.

97\. Even if it is fabulous.

98\. At least Mr. Puffin understands.

99\. I will follow and abide by (most of) these rules as they are stated, because it is for my good and others.

100\. And plus, Norway made me.

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**Yeah, I know Iceland's normally the conservative dude, but I think of things above there as thing he'd like to do. (Eyebrow waggle) Anyway, review please!**


	4. Thailand

**10 REVIEWS FOR THREE CHAPTERS?! Jesus, I knew you guys liked this fic, but please, do check out my other fics. I specialize mainly in humor, but I can write the occasional serious fic. (If only I wasn't so lazy...) Anyway, here's an extremely late Thailand's! You guys have no idea how hard it was to write this. I think of him a little yandere, like he tries to keep his anger down, but when it gets ahead of him, he can be really SCARY or troll like. (Insert troll face here)**

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**100 things I, Thailand, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot invite anyone to a ride on my elephants.

2\. They all claim that I ride them way too fast, therefore, unsafe.

3\. That's silly. How can an elephant run too fast for anyone?

4\. Although, Japan did look rather pale after the elephant ride.

5\. I cannot complain to the World Meeting committee to get Toto his own seat.

6\. They say it is pointless.

7\. I cannot harm anybody in anyway that steals my elephants.

8\. This includes S. Korea and N. Korea.

9\. I cannot claim to everyone that Asian elephants are better than African elephants.

10\. The African nations will get angry.

11\. And tackle me.

12\. And will turn the entire meeting into a brawl.

13\. I will not join Hong Kong when he has his 'Hipster Asian Sparkle' parties.

14\. No comment.

15\. I cannot use an elephant as a car.

16\. Even if it cleaner and better.

17\. I cannot give smiling lessons to Russia.

18\. Or Sweden.

19\. Or Belarus.

20\. They never turn up well.

21\. I cannot say Bangkok as, 'Krungthepmahanakhon Amonrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharatratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphimanawatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit.'

22\. It took me twenty minutes to say the entire name.

23\. I cannot bring a reticulated python to a World Meeting.

24\. The last one was 33 feet long.

25\. I cannot ride an elephant into a World Meeting.

26\. I had to pay for all damages anyway.

27\. I cannot teach elephant reproduction to the micro nations.

28\. They haven't been corrupted.

29\. Yet.

30\. I cannot harm America in any way when he mentions 'The King and I'.

31\. He knows nothing about the original.

32\. Numerous nations would agree with me on this.

33\. I cannot teach Toto how to swear.

34\. Iceland's puffin will teach him well enough.

35\. I cannot attempt to teach my elephants to swim so I can replace my boats.

36\. That won't end very well.

37\. I cannot attempt to teach my elephants to fly so I can replace airplanes.

38\. (See 36)

39\. I cannot fight with America on which nationality Tiger Woods is.

40\. Everyone knows he's Thai!

41\. I cannot show soft porn to elephants to get them to breed.

42\. (See 36)

43\. I cannot say '~Ana?' over and over to annoy people.

44\. ~Ana?

45\. I cannot get lessons from Russia on how to be Yandere.

46\. (See 36)

47\. I cannot tell America that I speak Elephantlish.

48\. Even though I do.

49\. I cannot tell America that all my elephants hate him.

50\. He will get depressed.

51\. And eat ice cream.

52\. Lots of it.

53\. "..."

54\. I cannot be a judge in one of Hong Kong's 'Kitty-Maid Cosplay' contests.

55\. When I said that I thought S. Korea looked better than him, Hong Kong got mad.

56\. And tackled me.

57\. No one wants that.

58\. Except maybe S. Korea.

59\. I cannot call myself, "The Rabbit-Man."

60\. Even though I am.

61\. Italy would agree.

62\. I cannot cross dress for our 'Asian Mafia: Operation Zero'.

63\. Even if we need more than one spy.

64\. Male spies don't work very well.

65\. So that's why I cross dress!

66\. Taiwan says I look pretty~!

67\. I will not watch Boku No Pico.

68\. Not. Ever. Again.

69\. *faints*

70\. I cannot sing 'Honor to Us all' within China's earshot.

71\. (See 36)

72\. I cannot give any micronations an elephant for their birthday.

73\. Nor can I give anyone elephants for their birthday.

74\. I will not go shopping with France.

75\. Nor will I go shopping with Poland.

76\. I do not understand why I need to shop at the female lingerie section, according to France.

77\. I will not mention WWII at any time.

78\. Especially within Japan's earshot.

79\. It brings back bad memories.

80\. It also makes the atmosphere very awkward.

81\. For both of us.

82\. I will not mention the Vietnam War within earshot of Vietnam.

83\. (See 79 through 81)

84\. I cannot bring an elephant to a meeting.

85\. America would want to ride on it.

86\. And ride on it he will.

87\. Through a meeting wall.

88\. And the other nations will get mad about the damage costs.

89\. I cannot attack any nations that wear ivory.

90\. "..."

91\. Some nations may still have scars from my attacks.

92\. Those nations may or may not include a certain Asian.

93\. That certain Asian may or may have not been China.

94\. Or Cambodia.

95\. I cannot draw elephants on important documents.

96\. This goes for Japan's 2-D porn as well.

97\. I cannot say, "I'll just kill you later." every time someone angers me.

98\. Those yandere lessons from Russia paid off well.

99\. I swear by all my elephants and my sanity that I promise to follow these rules.

100\. But I lack the sanity to swear, so this agreement is null.

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**I'm sorry for always ending with the 'I promise to follow the rules' and then, 'nope, ain't no one got time for that'. But it's so hard to imagine the nations NOT doing these sort of things :P...**


	5. Seychelles

**OVER A THOUSAND VIEWS?! Okay… Well, here's Seychelles! I normally think of her as a sane nation but with a dreadfully short temper when it comes to matters concerning France and England (especially when both them are prevalent) She probably did these things when she REALLY needed to blow off steam.**

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**100 things I, Seychelles, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot build a swordfish fence around my island.

2\. Even if it keeps the other nations from getting 'stranded.'

3\. They keep on claiming that I'm an unpopulated island in the middle of the sea.

4\. I'm a nation, damn it.

5\. I cannot talk about flooding England.

6\. Nor can I talk about flooding France.

7\. Both would end very badly.

8\. I cannot prank call England.

9\. Nor can I prank call France.

10\. (See 7)

11\. I cannot hijack SeaWorld with Cuba and rescue all the fish.

12\. Even if it is a good cause.

13\. I will not bring a swordfish to a meeting.

14\. America would play with it.

15\. And hurt someone.

16\. Like himself.

17\. And several nations would get angry about the blood on their clothing.

18\. Even though I had no part in the incident.

19\. Okay, maybe a little bit.

20\. Is it okay to love fish and love seafood at the same time?

21\. I think it is.

22\. I cannot flood the meeting building.

23\. No matter how much I don't want to go.

24\. I cannot tell anyone how I manage to flood so many places.

25\. It's a secret.

26\. I cannot bring up the Glorioso Islands within France's earshot.

27\. They're mine.

28\. End of argument.

29\. I cannot wear a bikini within eyeshot of France.

30\. That would end very badly.

31\. I cannot harm anybody that makes fun of my coat of arms.

32\. This includes America.

33\. And other African countries.

34\. Dang it, Uganda!

35\. I cannot join forces with the Caribbean nations and plot to take over the world.

36\. Not that I would ever do that, of course.

37\. I cannot tell England his food is shit.

38\. He gets depressed.

39\. And I'm supposed to care.

40\. I cannot sneak up on Cameroon when he's doing his work.

41\. Because his first instinct is to hit the attacker.

42\. Even though I am not the attacker, his instinct tells him that I am.

43\. And he has lions.

44\. Cute ones, but big,

45\. I cannot tell anyone that Cameroon reads Harry Potter.

46\. Because he would unleash his lions on me.

47\. (See 44)

48\. I cannot smack anyone with my giant fish.

49\. Because England would get mad about the bruises.

50\. I should not race against Kenya.

51\. That girl can run dang fast...

52\. I cannot mention gold mines within South Africa's earshot.

53\. Because five minutes later, a very injured England should appear.

54\. The said injured England should proceed to tackle me.

55\. I swear, not my fault!

56\. (See 19)

57\. I cannot ask Hong Kong what he does on Friday nights.

58\. He would throw a poster on me.

59\. The poster says, "Hipster Asian Parties"

60\. No comment.

61\. None at all.

62\. I cannot whine to the other African nations about my high cost of living.

63\. They will look at me disapprovingly.

64\. And tell me to be glad I have stable houses and much food for my people.

65\. "..."

66\. The feels.

67\. I cannot keep on fainting in cold places.

68\. It's not my fault I don't have a climate like Russia's!

69\. Not that I would want his climate...

70\. *Shivers*

71\. I cannot try Cuba's cigars.

72\. How does that man smoke so many of those?

73\. I guess he handles it like how Jamaica handles smoking so much pot.

74\. And all the other soft drugs he uses.

75\. I cannot hit anybody with a coconut.

76\. This includes England.

77\. And France.

78\. I cannot steal Hungary's frying pan to hit France.

79\. Wait, I can.

80\. Thanks, Hungary!

81\. This is much more efficient than coconuts!

82\. I cannot ask Hungary if she got her frying pan from Rapunzel.

83\. What? Did she?

84\. I cannot hit anyone that calls me, 'Tourist Islands Bitch'.

85\. This anyone may or may not be a certain Prussian.

86\. Now I get why she hits him so much...

87\. I cannot dress up as a mermaid.

88\. Especially if Denmark is with me.

89\. We're both very pretty!

90\. I cannot go around blowing up any ship that gets near my island and doesn't belong to me.

91\. It's not a healthy habit...

92\. I cannot ride a dolphin into a World Conference.

93\. Especially if I teach that dolphin to dance.

94\. And sing.

95\. And live on land.

96\. Don't ask me how I did it.

97\. It comes from living on an island...

98\. ._.

99\. I swear that by England's eyebrows and France's perviness that I will abide by these rules because it is for my own well being and for others'.

100\. And, as proof of my sanity.

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**26-28: Seychelles is currently having a dispute with France over who own the Glorioso Islands, a chain of islands near Seychelles.**

**Hong Kong is next!**


	6. Hong Kong

**Here's Hong Kong's! Happy late birthday! His was pretty easy to write, considering he's the typical crazy teenager like me XD. I'll upload Canada's soon! And let's just say, he's going to be as much as a troll as his brother... ;)**

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100 things I, Hong Kong, cannot do.

1\. I cannot put fireworks in, like, anybody's bed.

2\. This includes China's.

3\. And England's.

4\. And S. Korea's.

5\. And several more people.

7\. I cannot have anymore 'Hipster Asian Sparkle' parties.

8\. Even if Hipster Asian Sparkle parties are, like, the bomb.

9\. S. Korea and I cannot have any more 'Kitty Maid Cosplaying' contests.

10\. Especially on the meeting table.

11\. Even if the meeting table makes an excellent catwalk.

12\. But there would be, like, no winner.

13\. Because whoever loses, would kill the winner.

14\. And maybe the judges.

15\. I cannot set off fireworks during a meeting.

17\. Or anytime, for that matter.

18\. I cannot, like, have a firework celebration.

19\. Especially with America.

20\. I cannot draw naughty pictures.

21\. No matter how fun it is.

22\. I should not show my pictures to Japan.

23\. Ever.

24\. I cannot keep on using Opium.

25\. It's bad for me.

26\. And the main reason why I don't like England.

27\. I cannot give France, like, any pictures of England in his waiter outfit.

28\. No matter how much he's willing to give me.

29\. I cannot kidnap China's pandas and hold them for a ransom.

30\. That will get me no where.

31\. At all.

32\. I cannot draw on any important documents.

33\. Especially if it has confidential on it.

34\. I cannot steal N. Korea's nukes.

35\. For any purpose at all.

36\. Because N. Korea would nuke me if I did.

37\. No one wants to be nuked.

38\. No one.

39\. I cannot tell people that they have bad Feng Shui.

40\. They don't even know what I'm talking about, so it has no effect on them.

41\. I cannot let S. Korea into my house.

42\. I cannot let S. Korea into my bedroom.

43\. Both would end up very badly.

44\. I cannot tell Belarus that her brother stalks China.

45\. She and China would be forced to fight for Russia.

46\. Even though China, like, hates Russia.

47\. Now that I think of it, there wouldn't be any fight since China would give Russia to Belarus immediately.

48\. I cannot, like, help America with his firework celebration.

49\. Cause we would end up blowing up an entire nation.

50\. Namely America's.

51\. I cannot accuse S. Korea of killing my giant rubber ducky.

52\. ...but deep down I know he did, like, kill Mr. Duck...

53\. ...no matter what he claims...

54\. I cannot, like, borrow anybody's money, unless they give me permission.

55\. Poland and I were going to donate the money to charity...

56\. Okay, I'm lying.

57\. We went shopping.

58\. I did find, like, a totally swaglicous pair of headphones.

59\. I cannot have a bear brawl between my panda and Canada's polar bear.

60\. Because my bear would, like, totally win.

61\. Cause pandas always win.

62\. China would agree.

63\. I cannot steal America's glasses.

64\. He calls them Texas for some reason, though...

65\. Macau and I cannot, like, go to Las Vegas.

66\. Even though last time we did, we won tons of cash and came back loaded.

67\. I cannot take any pictures of Sensei when he's asleep.

68\. Even if he looks funny holding his Hello Kitty plushie.

69\. I cannot ever gamble with Macau.

70\. Because he would win.

71\. And I would be broke.

72\. I cannot give Iceland any of my spicy foods.

73\. Because his stomach can't handle it.

74\. And he would puke.

75\. For two hours straight.

76\. Nobody, like, wants that.

77\. My poor toilet...

78\. I cannot smack S. Korea when he makes fun of me for being so short.

79\. I'll just slice him with my sword later.

80\. Yes, I have a sword.

81\. Don't ask me where I got it.

82\. I cannot joke to Iceland about, like, his porn ban.

83\. Nor can I joke about his lack of an army.

84\. He's touchy about both subjects...

85\. I cannot try Iceland's shrooms.

86\. One Nordic drug addict is bad enough.

87\. An Asian drug addict is, like, even worse.

88\. I cannot join America on Disco Pogo Friday.

89\. Even though I saw Prussia there.

90\. And Spain.

91\. And France.

92\. And Germany.

93\. And S. Korea.

94\. Do I need to say more?

95\. I cannot tell Poland it is a bad idea to buy ponies during wartime.

96\. Because he would chase me with his pink pony.

97\. That he bought during the internet wars.

98\. Yeah... He didn't listen.

99\. By, like, the powers vest in me and my fireworks, I swear solemnly and seriously to follow all of these rules laid down for me and my own good.

100\. Now, like, off to Las Vegas with Macau!


	7. Canada

**Happy late Canada Day! Sorry for missing ANOTHER DEADLINE, not to mention posting it on America's birthday. You'll notice that the things Canada does are pretty... Freaky... Ah, what am I'm saying, we all need to release anger sometimes! Thank you everyone who has reviewed! Anyway, enjoy troll Canada! **

* * *

100 things I, Canada, cannot do.

1\. I cannot pour maple syrup on burgers.

2\. Burgers don't even taste that great, so...

3\. I cannot make a burger for America made out of pancakes.

4\. Even his stomach couldn't handle that one.

5\. I cannot wear a "I'm with stupid" t-shirt while standing next to America.

6\. Even if it does make sense.

7\. England would agree.

8\. I will never play baseball with America again.

9\. Not since he hit me in the crotch.

10\. I cannot go to world meetings only on Canada flag briefs.

11\. Especially on Canada day.

12\. I cannot come to meetings on a moose.

13\. Especially if I decided to crash through the meeting walls.

14\. I cannot harm anybody that mentions Rebecca Black.

15\. Nor can I harm anybody that mentions 'Friday'.

16\. This includes America.

17\. I cannot give America a gym membership.

18\. Because he will get angry and ask me if I think he's fat.

19\. All while having a yandere smile on his face.

20\. The Cold War paid off, didn't it?

21\. I cannot scream, "I'M CANADA!" every time someone mistakes me for America.

22\. ...but I am Canada...

23\. ...not America...

24\. I cannot keep on reminiscing Vancouver, 2010.

25\. Even if it was one of the few times the other nations looked at me...

26\. I'll host another Olympics soon...

27\. I cannot pour maple syrup on Cuba's ice cream.

28\. For some reason, he doesn't like it.

29\. I cannot injure anybody that mentions Justin Bieber.

30\. This anybody includes America.

31\. I cannot dress up as a pigeon and whisper loudly, "I will shit on everything you love."

32\. Especially if I do this to America

33\. Or England.

34\. Even if the reactions are hilarious.

35\. I cannot sing, "Yeah, I know that you want be Canadian, please."

36\. Especially if I add bitch after please.

37\. Note to self, do not sing within America's earshot.

38\. I cannot harm America when he mentions, "Banana Boat Emperor."

39\. ...I was drunk that night...

40\. I will not check the tumblr tag 'redvelvetpancakes'.

41\. I don't remember fucking that guy.

42\. Nor do I remember even meeting him.

43\. I will not check the tumblr tag 'PruCan'.

44\. (See 41)

45\. I cannot kill America when he wants us to re-enact Frozen.

46\. I don't see why I have to be the one in the slutty blue dress...

47\. I cannot mumble 'Kol Kol Kol Kol'

48\. The time spent with Russia was spent well...

49\. I cannot swear in French within any French speaking nation's earshot.

50\. Last time I swore in French in front of France, he put a soap bar in my mouth.

51\. I don't see why I have to have soap in my mouth.

52\. England's the one with the potty mouth...

53\. I cannot go on anymore 'Manada's Man Hunts'.

54\. Especially if America won the Stanley Cup.

55\. ...did he?

56\. *starts omitting dark aura*

57\. I will not leave off on this list to kill America for winning the Stanley Cup.

58\. ...unfortunately.

59\. I cannot scream, "HEALTHCAAAAARE" whenever America screams, "FRREEEDOOMMMM".

60\. Especially if I have a megaphone.

61\. I cannot brag to America about my healthcare.

62\. (See 58)

63\. I cannot invite anymore people to play hockey with me.

64\. Do you want to?

65\. ~It's just one game!

66\. Ok? Ok.

67\. Just one thing...

68\. NO FUCKING MERCY IN MY RINK.

69\. YOU'RE FUCKED.

70\. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

71\. I cannot say, "Pancakes" to everything.

72\. No matter how fun it may be.

73\. Having a bear fight with Hong Kong is pointless and will cause needless destruction of furniture.

75\. It is pointless because Kuma would win.

76\. I cannot have a Pancakes-Waffles brawl with Belgium.

77\. (See 58)

78\. I cannot kill America for arranging a mock marriage between me and Poland.

79\. Poland was just as surprised as me...

80\. Even though he actually did show up in a wedding dress...

81\. ...on a pink pony...

82\. I cannot mention the The War of 1812 within America's earshot.

83\. Or England's.

84\. ...I burned your fucking capital, America...

85\. I cannot come to Cuba's place on Mondays.

86\. Because that's the most likely time he will mistake me for America.

87\. And his beatings are not pretty...

88\. I cannot mention America's Embargo on Cuba within Cuba's hearing range.

89\. Because the end results will not be pretty...

90\. Well, it will end with another one of Cuba's America hunts.

91\. I cannot tell America about how the rest of North and South America hate him.

92\. Everyone but himself is well aware of this fact.

93\. I cannot sing Canadian Please whenever America plays Star-Spangled Banner.

94\. (See 58)

95\. I cannot beg the Olympic committee to let me host another Olympics.

96\. Nor can I bribe them.

97\. *goes to sit in emo corner*

98\. *le sigh*

99\. I cannot break any of these rules, under the rules of France and England, because I will most likely go crazy if I continue doing these things.

100\. Not that crazy... Ah, now. What about that hockey game?

* * *

**Keep an eye on the skies for our favorite** **American!**


	8. America

**This is one of the easier ones to do, because Alfie is already is crazy XD. ANYWAY, I WILL, APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY FOR SLACKING OFF LIKE CRAZY. Good? Good. Next will be Liechtenstein! **

* * *

100 things I, America, cannot do.

1\. I cannot bring anymore cakes to celebrate special occasions.

2\. Especially if they are blue.

3\. Even though my food is amazing and so is blue.

4\. And me.

5\. I cannot chant, "USA! USA!" whenever I see USA military victories in action.

6\. No matter how fun it may be.

7\. It's offensive to the losing side.

8\. And may start another war.

9\. I cannot sing, "Lalalalala, those numbers are insanely high, man!" whenever Vietnam reminds me of the millions of Vietnamese people deformed because of Agent Orange.

10\. What? They are!*

11\. I cannot 'borrow' anymore giant fireworks from Mexico.

12\. Even if they do give the biggest explosions.

13\. I cannot mention the Cuban Embargo within Cuba's earshot.

14\. Because he will go on another man-hunt for me.

15\. Which usually end with me tied to a stake, and Cuba holding a chainsaw near my face.

16\. I cannot punch Iggy's face in celebration of Fourth of July.

17\. Even if it is the way I usually celebrate it.

18\. I cannot go around poking my nose into every nation's affairs.

19\. Even though it is stated I have to do that according to the Monroe Doctrine.

20\. What?

21\. I cannot switch places with Canada.

22\. No matter how easy it may be.

23\. Placing a burger on someone's forehead will not cure them of their sickness.

24\. No matter how much ketchup I squirt on to it.

25\. I cannot make a face at Canada when he brags about his healthcare.

26\. My healthcare's good!

27\. The hamburger works for me...

28\. I cannot drink iced tea within England's eyeshot.

29\. He'll start lecturing me...

30\. And... Lectures... Are.. Boring...

31\. *snore*

32\. Huh?! Did I fall asleep?

33\. Oh well.

34\. I cannot just randomly burst into people's houses.

35\. Especially Iggy's.

36\. Definitely Iggy's.

37\. I cannot go the World Meetings on the back of a bald eagle.

38\. Especially if I decide to crash through the meeting wall, as the eagle flies in.

39\. Especially if I play 'Fuck yeah" as I fly in.

40\. No matter how cool I look.

41\. I will not answer anyone how I managed to get on the back of bald eagle.

42\. It's a special secret.

43\. I cannot bring a tub of bacon ice cream as refreshments.

44\. All the nations that ate it spent six hours puking.

45\. With exception of me, cause Americans are born with amazing digestive systems!

46\. I will not eat Canada's pancake-burger.

47\. Even my amazing digestive system couldn't handle that one.

48\. I cannot shout "KUNG FU PANDA!" within China's earshot.

49\. Because he would then demonstrate to me true Kung Fu.

50\. Using me as a punching dummy.

51\. I cannot call myself Superman.

52\. Nor can I call myself Iron Man.

53\. Nor can I call myself Captain America.

54\. No matter how awesome I am to be them.

55\. I cannot have anymore 'Disco Pogo Friday' celebrations.

56\. Even if 10 nations attend it every week.

57\. I cannot bring fireworks to World Meetings.

58\. Especially if Hong Kong helps me.

59\. I cannot invite Belarus to an outing in Florida.

60\. Because she will attempt to stab me.

61\. Several times.

62\. Where'd she get those knives?

63\. Also Russia.

64\. If Russia hears, he will try to kill me with his pipe.

65\. Commie bastard.

66\. I cannot call Russia Commie Bastard.

67\. Because he is not communist anymore.

68\. That's what they all say...

69\. I cannot attempt to start a rave during a meeting.

70\. Because they will lock me up in a closet.

71\. And make me rave there all alone.

72\. I cannot drag people's cars around so I can ask to borrow them.

73\. Because dragging cars around for an hour is freaky.

74\. I cannot shut my phone down whenever England can't turn off Caps lock.

75\. Because he needs help...

76\. Dude... He was a fucking empire at one time.

77\. I cannot pretend to be an Asian so I can hijack Hong Kong's 'Hipster Asian Sparkle Party'.

78\. It never ends well.

79\. I cannot pretend to be Germany so I can sneak into any German Sparkle Parties.

80\. I actually got in one time!

81\. I cannot ask England if he has a 'wetwanger'.

82\. No matter how many times I say please.

83\. I cannot claim to every nation that England's cooking is meant to kill us all.

84\. Even if it is true.

85\. I cannot cannot call N. Korea Communist Bitch.

86\. He actually is communist this time...

87\. I cannot show China Youtube.

88\. There was a good reason why he banned it in China...

89\. I will not play hockey with Canada.

90\. I ended up in the hospital for a month...

91\. ...four times...

92\. I cannot brag to Canada about how I won the Stanley Cup.

93\. Because he will kill me with his Manada side.

95\. And that is painful.

96\. I cannot hack into Prussia's blog.

97\. Nor can I turn it into a shrine for Austria.

98\. No matter how funny it may be to see all those fan girls claiming it was destiny.

99\. All of these listed above have been listed as things I cannot do.

100\. (Despite me doing these anyway)


	9. Liechtenstein

**3000 views?! You guys.. *faints* I'm sorry for missing so many deadlines! It's just that I've been trying to join a fandom I have absolutely no knowledge of as a way to challenge myself and THESE CHARACTERS ARE SO DAMN HARD TO WRITE. (Sorry about that, but it really is hard) Anyway, here's Liechtenstein's! My headcanon is that she likes being the cute innocent girl, but she can choose to be the mischievous and manipulative if she wants to. And yes, she did hate some nations. She's capable of hate, remember that.**

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**100 things I, Liechtenstein, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot ask big brother if he and Austria ever hung out in a bedroom.

2\. Why? I am simply asking if they ever had a sleepover together.

3\. I cannot hang out with Mr. Denmark.

4\. No matter how nice he is.

5\. Switzerland will shoot him.

6\. And I don't want him to shoot him.

7\. I cannot hang out with Mr. Prussia.

8\. (See 4-6)

9\. I cannot mention my high GDP within the earshot of poor nations.

10\. Because I will hear them plotting my demise.

11\. Even though big brother Switzerland will shoot them if they step one foot on our territory.

12\. I cannot tell Switzerland that America thought I was called Liechtenstein because my main crop was lichens.

13\. (See 5-6)

14\. I cannot join any drinking parties with the Germanic family.

15\. Even if I hold my alcohol better than Austria.

16\. I even managed to take some of his money to pay for our drinks!

17\. Don't tell brother that.

18\. I cannot tell big brother that I have been hanging out with Belarus.

19\. Because it would come down to the ultimate fight.

20\. Knives versus guns.

21\. My only problem is that I don't know which one to root for...

22\. I cannot make big brother's stamp drawings my official stamps.

23\. No matter how many times I say please.

24\. Singing, "Germany flies, Brazil cries," is not nice.

25\. Especially if I sing it within earshot of Brazil and Germany.

26\. Or worse, within earshot of Brazil, Germany, AND Prussia.

27\. It would come down to a Brazilian versus German/Prussian war.

28\. And will most likely end with a certain Prussian inside a garbage can with very bad injuries dealt from a Brazilian banana.

29\. Changing the words to, "Netherlands flies, Spain cries," will not change anything important.

30\. It would be a Dutch versus Spanish war instead.

31\. I cannot ask elder nations on what sex or porn is for the sole purpose of making them uncomfortable

32\. No matter how funny it may be to see their reactions.

33\. I cannot go skydiving with America and Canada anymore.

34\. Nor may I go bungee diving with them.

35\. Nor may I go hang-gliding with them.

36\. German Sparkle Parties are only permitted on Fridays.

37\. So no more German Sparkle Mondays.

38\. I cannot ask Mr. Denmark to take me to Disco Pogo Friday celebrations.

39\. Even if I saw several other nations there.

40\. I cannot go shopping with Poland.

41\. Even though he does have a bit more clothing sense than big brother.

42\. No offense big brother.

43\. I cannot sew big brother anymore pink silk pajamas.

44\. No matter how pretty he looks in them.

45\. I cannot give Ms. Hungary any photos of big brother in his pink pajamas.

46\. No matter how nice she may be.

47\. I cannot sew Flying Mint Bunny any kitty ears.

48\. Even though she loves them.

49\. England doesn't like her with them...

50\. I wonder why...

51\. I cannot ask Japan what yaoi or yuri is.

52\. What? I'm serious, what is it?

53\. I cannot ask big brother to shoot Czech.

54\. Nor can I ask him to shoot Slovakia.

55\. They stole almost all my land in WWII...

56\. "..."

57\. Well, what has been done, has been done~!

58\. I cannot tell America that I am a monarchy.

59\. Because he sees all monarchies as dictatorships.

60\. ...even though I am not a dictatorship...

61\. I cannot tell big brother that Russia called me small.

62\. I don't really mind, I am small.

63\. And he is the biggest nation in the world.

64\. But big brother takes terrible offense to it...

65\. If it came down to a fight, I'm not sure who would survive...

66\. Because the winner would kill the loser...

67\. Like how all fights that involve big brother end...

68\. I cannot ask big brother what kind of clothing he liked to wear in the old days.

69\. If I ask Mr. Austria, he will give me a drawing of big brother in VERY bright clothes.

70\. ...my eyes...

71\. I cannot watch Saint Young Men with Mr. Japan anymore.

72\. Even if I really do like the show.

73\. I cannot give any pictures of Switzerland shirtless to Mr. France.

74\. Why must I put this here big brother?

75\. I know better than to give him any suggesting photos.

76\. I cannot give any of Big Brother's Swiss Army knives to Ms. Belarus.

77\. Even if she really needs them.

78\. I cannot dress up as Anime Jesus for Halloween.

79\. Especially if I go trick treating with Japan dressed as Anime Buddha.

80\. We make an excellent pair~!

81\. I cannot pretend give anyone Bambi eyes to get what I want.

82\. No matter how effective they are...

83\. I cannot ask Mr. England where his tattoo is.

84\. I cannot be a judge in any Swiss chocolate VS Belgian chocolate contests.

85\. Because if I choose one, the other will give me hell.

86\. Don't tell big brother I said hell.

87\. I cannot swear within big brother's earshot.

88\. Even though he does it all the time...

89\. I cannot face plan myself for Europe naming our telescope, "European Extremely Large Telescope."

90\. They actually named it that...

91\. We have fallen so far...

92\. I cannot take any of Mr. Austria's chocolate carrot cakes.

93\. No matter how sweet and rich they are.

94\. I cannot bribe anyone with Mr. Austria's chocolate carrot cakes.

95\. (See 82)

96\. Germany and I cannot laugh at Europe's funny names of places.

97\. Like Big Brother's 'tits stream'.

98\. ...I'm suddenly very concerned about what you do without me, Big Brother...

99\. I have sworn to Big Brother and myself that I would never do these things under "any" circumstances, else should I expect to be punished with strict and harsh penalties.

100\. Or should I want to never have anymore cheese fondue and chocolate carrot cake ever.

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**53-56: At one point, Czech and Slovakia (Czechoslovakia at the time) stole lots of Liechtenstein's land, including numerous castles. If they weren't stolen, she would be ten times bigger that than her current size. Liechtenstein's government claims they have gotten over it so I imagine that Liechtenstein wants to forget it and move on, but on some occasions, it makes her angry, particularly when she's already stressed out. **

**As for young Saint Men? LOVE what Wikipedia has told me so far! The manga and anime both sound awesome~!**


	10. France

**JESUS CHRIST! 4000 VIEWS?! Erm, guys, really, do check out my fic, 'Just a few ways to get Embargoed'.**

**Anywho, the tenth chapter! Yay! *throws confetti* You know, I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they go by. Yeah. Here is big brother France! I took a while on his because I was busy doing several other things, like drawing, practicing anatomy, (If you have ever tried or have learned anatomy, you will understand my pain), planning for another fic that probably won't come out soon (or ever) because it is impossible to even plan it out. Enjoy!**

**EDIT- a lovely reviewer told me this one was missing some numbers so I went back and edited it. Sorry for the mess up!**

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**100 things I, France, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot grope England's ass.

2\. Nor may I grope anybody's ass.

3\. I cannot bribe S. Korea to take panty shots of the female nations.

4\. No matter how good the footage is.

5\. I cannot play Truth-or-Lie strip.*

6\. Even I managed to get get Sweden to strip one time.

7\. I cannot show any micronations my porn.

8\. They haven't been corrupted.

9\. ...yet.

10\. I cannot blackmail England to wear a dress.

11\. No matter how pretty he looks~!

12\. I cannot strip whenever the Olympics come around.

13\. Bad idea to do so during the Winter Olympics.

14\. America and I cannot plan exploration missions to fully explore England's eyebrows.

15\. I cannot say, "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" whenever anybody asks me how big England's eyebrows are.

16\. No matter how true it may be.

17\. I cannot force the Axis and Allies to disco dance to 'What the Hell'.

18\. No matter how amazing our dancing may be.

19\. I cannot strip off my clothing during a meeting.

20\. Or anywhere, for that matter.

21\. S. Korea and I cannot have a race to see who can grope the most people.

22\. Because both of us will end up killed.

23\. I cannot propose to make Beethoven French when Germany and Austria fight over his nationality.

24\. Because Austria will whip me.

25\. (Not the sexy innuendo kind)

26\. I cannot ask new nations to taste England's food.

27\. I cannot interrupt Switzerland's 'terrible childhood sob stories'.

28\. Because he would shoot me with his gun.

29\. (See 26)

30\. I cannot come near Liechtenstein within at least 60 feet.

31\. (See 28-29)

32\. Spain, Prussia, and I cannot dance to, "Bringing Sexy Back."

33\. Especially if we disrupt the entire meeting to do it.

34\. I cannot mention Twilight within Romania's hearing.

35\. Nor may I ask him if he sparkles.

36\. Because someone will get killed.

37\. And it's an 80 percent chance it is either me or America.

38\. Or both of us.

39\. I cannot 'borrow' Japan's Tentacle Porn.

40\. We all knew he was a closet pervert, no?

41\. I cannot call England's cooking taste of death.

42\. Even if it is.

43\. I cannot mention 'that night' with England.*

44\. There is a reason why his national flower is the rose, yes?

45\. Prussia, Spain, and I cannot call ourselves the 'Sexy Three'.

46\. Because other nations would jump up and claim that we are not.

47\. And kick our gorgeous asses right out of the door.

48\. I cannot give Japan any of my 2D porn.

49\. At least, not when I'm within 8 feet of him.

50\. Because Japanese people have high blood pressure...

51\. ...and explosive nosebleeds...

52\. Mon dieu...

53\. I cannot call England a pussy at driving aggressively.

54\. Even if he is.

55\. I cannot stick up my 'please have safe sex' signs around the meeting room.

56\. Under any circumstances.

57\. ...unfortunately...

58\. Asking Australia for a Golden Gaytime will not get me laid.

59\. It will give me ice cream, however.

60\. I wonder where that name came from...

61\. I cannot make any jokes about China's true gender.

62\. Because he would hit me with his wok.

63\. And ladle.

64\. And both are very hard.

65\. Not to mention the wok is enormous.

66\. I cannot flirt with any nations that have very strong older siblings.

67\. Several nations fall in this case.

68\. So I think I better watch my gorgeous ass carefully, no?

69\. I cannot ask to oil wrestle with Turkey.*

70\. He doesn't mind it actually; it is just when I put my hand down his pants is what bothers him.

71\. But he said it was a quick way to win, no?

72\. Any pictures taken by Greece cannot be used as posted in the internet.

73\. Even if we look very dashing, yes?

74\. I cannot attack England when he named a pig Napoleon.*

75\. What? It's illegal in here in France.

76\. Such disrespect, no?

77\. I cannot injure anybody that says that French people stink.

78\. This includes America.

79\. I cannot ask anyone if they want to see my 'Eiffel Tower'.

80\. Especially if I wiggle my eyebrows and wink while I'm doing it.

81\. Threatening to poke my eyes with baguettes will not save me from England's cooking.

82\. ...unfortunately...

83\. Even if it has saved me once from having to play poker with Monaco.

84\. I cannot show anybody paintings of the time England had long hair.

85\. Even if he looks very cute, yes?

86\. I cannot ask England if he has a 'Bitchfield'.*

87\. Do you, Angleterre?

88\. Mm, it describes you quite fittingly, you do know.

89\. Spain, Prussia, and I cannot kidnap England to blackmail him into wearing his sexy waiter outfit.

90\. Even he looks VERY sensuous, yes?

91\. I cannot ask for a wine menu at McDonald's.

92\. They simply do not have wine at fast food restaurants, unfortunately.

93\. No wonder America's food is so terrible.

94\. Showing French porn at meetings is not allowed.

95\. But I have some really great films!

96\. Some people just don't understand great filming...

97\. I cannot donate any pictures for Hungary's website.

98\. Nor I am allowed to show any micronations her website.

99\. By the power vested in me, and for all my wine and cheese, I have been sworn to follow these rules forbidding me from doing these things above, else should I expect severe punishments.

100\. ...you really thought I was serious, no? Now, strip for big brother France!

* * *

**5- In my demented mind, Truth and Lie strip is where one person says something and you're supposed to guess if it's a lie or not. If you're wrong, you have to strip one article of clothing.**

**43- I'm not implying FrUK here, but I'll let you guys think what that night actually was. It might be where England admits an embarrassing secret or it might actually be FrUK. It's up to you.**

**69- Oil wrestling is Turkey's national sport. It's where men strip down to naked and cover their bodies with oil. They then put on leather pants and wrestle each other like that until one submits. A common tactic is to put your hand in your opponent's pants.**

**74- It's illegal to name a pig Napoleon in France.**

**86- There is actually a town in England named 'Bitchfield."**


	11. Netherlands

**Oh my god, this chapter is SO late. It took me a while to write this because i was working on my transformers fic and because I've been really busy lately, I'm preparing to go back to the good ol' land of fatty foods. (Translation- I going back to America after a 2 month long vacation in china. I'm surprised I mad it this far without youtube and google.) Anyways, you guys better enjoy this cause this took a hella lot of research.**

* * *

100 things I, Netherlands, cannot do.

1\. I cannot challenge Denmark to a bike race.

2\. Because we would end up breaking half of someone's bones.

3\. And more than often it has been more than one person.

4\. I cannot fight with Turkey over tulips.

5\. Because it is pointless.

6\. And I would win.

7\. Denmark and I cannot go around destroying anymore cars with our bikes.

8\. Because we would have to pay for the car's damages.

9\. Especially if the car is Iceland's.

10\. Because Norway will kill us both.

11\. (I don't see why; the guy literally has three huge cars just for himself.)

12\. I cannot give any micro nations my joints

13\. Because it is unhealthy.

14\. And I should stop using it myself.

15\. Even though I'm just fine.

16\. I cannot drive any micro nations in my police car if I'm drunk.

17\. What? I have a teddy bear if they're traumatized.

18\. (Which they will be after being in the car with drunk me)

19\. Denmark and I cannot start a 'Sexy Spiky Haired Men' club.

20\. Because he and I would be the only members due to the fact that we are the only nations with spiky hair.

21\. Well, there is Thailand, but he didn't want to join.

22\. Eating England's food is dangerous and most likely fatal.

23\. No matter what he claims.

24\. I cannot squish tomatoes when in Spain's viewing point.

25\. Because he would start whining.

26\. And sobbing.

27\. And will hold a funeral service for the tomato in question.

28\. I cannot rent out my prisons to America.

29\. Even if he needs them.

30\. I'm closing 8 prisons because the of the lack of crime all over my nation...

31\. I cannot smack people with wooden clogs.

32\. Even if they deserve it.

33\. I cannot make fun of other nations for being short.

34\. What? Netherlands has the tallest people.

35\. I cannot tackle Japan when he says he ships Netherlands-Beligum.

36\. She's my sister...

37\. I don't do incest.

38\. I cannot take Spain to see my windmills anymore.

39\. Because he will pull out a sword from no where.

40\. And start attacking them.

41\. Spain, for the last time, they will NOT get you in your sleep.

42\. I knew Don Quixote was trouble...

43\. America, no intended references to Taylor Swift.

44\. I cannot hold any more Benelux Sparkle Parties.

45\. There would only be three nations partying.

46\. Even though it would still be amazing.

47\. Convincing Denmark to throw a Nordic Sparkle Party is a terrible idea.

48\. Because Norway and Sweden will kill me for giving him the idea.

49\. Having Ethnicity Sparkle Party Battles is bad idea.

50\. No matter how amusing it would be.

51\. But I would have to go against Prussia's German Sparkle Party and Hong Kong's Hipster Asian Sparkle Party.

52\. And if the other Nordics are in it, Denmark's Nordic Sparkle Party.

53\. I cannot show anybody Belgium's baby pictures.

54\. Even if she looks adorable.

55\. Despite still being better at business than me...

56\. I cannot have a little sister battle with Switzerland.

57\. Because both of our younger sisters would call us crazy and quit.

58\. And Belgium would get mad at me for calling her little.

59\. Advice from Japan- Don't eat any brightly colored food that America offers you.

60\. Advice to myself- Bring my own food to eat at World Meetings.

61\. I cannot have a scarf battle with Russia.

62\. Not only is it pointless, Russia would kill me if he lost.

63\. So that is where all that blood on his pipe comes from...

64\. I cannot paint anybody's face orange.

65\. Especially if it's on my birthday.

66\. Even if I consider it a birthday present to myself.

67\. I cannot ask Poland if he's sure that he's male.

68\. Because he will make me watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

69\. Urg... Never again...

70\. I cannot say 'trade secret' every time someone asks me a question.

71\. Even if Trade secret is the answer.

72\. Do not fall for Indonesia's innocent 'little boy' act.

73\. Because he will get you into a Indonesian prostitute outfit faster than you can say, 'Double Dutch Dock.'

74\. And he will take pictures.

75\. Lots of them.

76\. He will show them to everybody in the world.

77\. Not that I've fallen for it before, heh!

78\. ...Shut up, Indonesia...

79\. I cannot attack America every time he calls me Holland.

80\. Damn it, when he get the fact that Holland and I are not the same?!

81\. I suppose it's fortunate he didn't mistake me for Denmark again...

82\. I cannot challenge Germany and/or Prussia to a beer contest.

83\. Because we would all end up wasted.

84\. And Belgium would get angry at me for getting wasted in the first place.

85\. I cannot offer anybody French fries dipped in mayonnaise.

86\. ...It's very popular in my house, okay?

87\. I cannot tell Switzerland that my cheese is the best.

88\. Because he would get mad.

89\. And we would have a cheese battle.

90\. And destroy several pieces of furniture.

91\. I cannot brag about how some of the most famous painters were Dutch to Italy.

92\. Because he would start crying.

93\. And his elder brother would try to beat me up.

94\. And fail terribly.

95\. After failing terribly, he should pull out a gun and start swearing at me.

96\. He should then try to shoot me, but will then realize the utter lack of bullets.

97\. I cannot slap anyone when they make fun of my scar.

98\. The said person may or may have not been Prussia.

99\. I have vowed solemnly to not do any of these things stated above, because they have been declared as dangerous/annoying/life threatening for me and anybody else around me.

100\. Yeah, and I hate the color orange.

* * *

**1-3 &amp; 7-11: Bikes are incredibly popular in Netherlands and Denmark and they both share many characteristics when it comes down to bikes roads and stuff. (For 7-11, SCANDINAVIA AND THE WORLD!)**

**4-6: Netherlands exports the largest amount of tulips in the world, despit Turkey being the first to cultivate tulips.**

**17: All Dutch police cars have a teddy bear inside of them in case they have a traumatized child with them. **

**30: This is actually true. **

**64: Orange is the national color of Netherlands because the family that gave Netherlands's its independence was called the house of Orange.**

**79-80: I will get annoyed if you refer the Netherlands as Holland. A LOT.**

**85-86: French Fries dipped in mayo... Yeah, it's very popular.**

**87: In an international cheese tasting contest, all 20 agreed that Dutch cheese was the best.**


	12. Switzerland

**Oh god, this was hard to write. Just like every list... *shot* Anyway, I'm not very sure if I like this one. I used a lot of content from Cadaska, she's an awesome artist on deviantart who does these awesome lists about facts about a lot countries. But she mainly draws them about Central Europe and Israel. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

100 things I, Switzerland, cannot do

1\. I cannot shoot anyone that comes within fifty feet of Liechtenstein.

2\. Because I would end up shooting everyone in the room.

3\. And Liechtenstein doesn't like it.

4\. I cannot use Austrian as an insult.

5\. Even if it is an insult, according to me.

6\. I cannot talk to my guns.

7\. It is both unhealthy and creepy.

8\. I cannot have a Chocolate brawl with Belgium.

9\. Not only is it pointless, one of us would end up killing the judges.

10\. I cannot have a cheese brawl with Netherlands either.

11\. (See 9)

12\. I cannot tackle America when he mistakes me for Swaziland.

13\. I mean, I know that both of our names start with 'sw', but he's African and I'm European!

14\. I cannot go around selling 'France Repellent'.

15\. Even if I do make a lot money off of it.

16\. I cannot threaten to 'kill people until they die'.

17\. Because it makes no sense.

18\. I cannot threaten to beat people up with my peace prize.

19\. Chances are, I would end up losing my peace prize.

20\. Shooting Prussia when he calls me Sir Cocks-a-lot is not healthy for me or my sanity.

21\. Even if he had every right to be shot.

22\. I cannot ride into a meeting on a cow.

23\. Not only will it scare/anger other people, I will have to pay for the damages...

24\. I cannot ask America to compare guns.

25\. He will flex his biceps for some strange reason...

26\. I cannot arrest any chickens for laying brightly colored eggs.

27\. Damn chickens...

28\. I cannot brag about how my St. Peter is bigger than England's Big Ben.

29\. Certain nations will take it the wrong way and England will plot against me.

30\. I cannot stuff chocolate down nations' throats in an attempt to increase tourism to my country.

31\. Especially if I scream, "Y U NO GO TO SWITZERLAND?!"

32\. Stuffing people's throats with cheese will not change anything.

33\. Austria making his stupid music puns does not give me valid excuse to shoot him.

34\. Especially when he says, "Here comes 'treble'."

35\. ...God, I hate that one.

36\. Touching my beret does not give me a valid excuse to shoot the person.

37\. Even if I call it a violation of my privacy and personal space.

38\. Shooting down the meeting doors is not a good way to enter the World Conference.

39\. (See 23)

40\. I cannot shoot anybody that has somehow managed to catch a glimpse of my pink pajamas.

41\. Not only would it hurt Lichtenstein's feelings, I will have to end up paying for their medical bills.

42\. If France abruptly stops paying attention in the middle of me telling him about my difficult childhood, I cannot shoot him.

43\. No matter how much I wish to do so.

44\. America making fun of the fact that my flag is a square is not a reason that will allow me to shoot him.

45\. I cannot shoot Prussia when he screams, 'PIMP MY TRACTOR!"

46\. ...I was drunk that one time, okay?

47\. I cannot shoot anyone that asks if I piss on electrical fences.

48\. I don't... *gun cock*

49\. I cannot go on a shooting rampage.

50\. I will traumatize the micro nations.

51\. And the medical bills.

52\. Damn medical bills.

53\. I cannot shoot anyone who asks me if I get high off of muck heaps.

54\. (See 48)

55\. I cannot shoot anyone who dares to listen to 'Superschwiizer.'

56\. Really?! Is that why everyone's been asking those questions?!

57\. *gun cock*

58\. I cannot force England to strip when he comes to my baths.

59\. God damn it England, either you get naked or get out!

60\. ...It's a rule at my place, you wouldn't understand.

61\. Bastards.

62\. I cannot force Slovenia to take off his underwear so I can search if it was made out special material that makes him faster skiing.

63\. No, I did not do it just because he beat me that year, what are you talking about?

64\. Shut up Austria...

65\. And Slovenia sued me for sexual harassment later, can you believe that?!

66\. I cannot shoot anyone who makes fun of my names of things.

67\. Like Germany when he laughed at my ass forest...

68\. Damn brat...

69\. I cannot steal anybody's cherries.

70\. I don't have problem with cherries, I just wanted to make liquor out of them!

71\. Okay, maybe I do have a problem...

72\. I cannot enter the meeting room by riding on a goat.

73\. Or a llama.

74\. In the case of the latter, Peru will get mad about the llama.

75\. In the case of both, most of the nations will get angry about the damage.

76\. I cannot smack anyone over the head with a gun.

77\. No matter how much they deserve it.

78\. I cannot have a 'Knives VS Guns' battle with Belarus over Lichtenstein.

79\. Nobody would win and Lichtenstein doesn't like it when I get into fights with her friends.

80\. Nobody would win also because the loser would kill the winner.

81\. 79-80 also goes towards having a 'Pipe VS Guns' battle with Russia.

82\. I cannot laugh at Germany's nazi salute.

83\. Pffff... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

84\. *deep breath* Stop stop stop, I can't breath!

85\. I cannot ask France to spend Christmas with him instead of spending it with the Germanics.

86\. I hate this family. Slovenia threw up on my Christmas tree.

87\. I cannot join any other nations' 'Catholic Sparkle Parties.'

88\. They never end well...

89\. I cannot threaten to shoot anybody in the face in protest of having to celebrate German Sparkle Parties.

90\. NO GERMAN SPARKLE MONDAYS!

91\. I cannot go to England after his football team plays.

92\. Domestic violence will raise by a third and I do not want to be near him when he's like that.

93\. Ever.

94\. I cannot call all the nations who are fighting in a war crazy people.

95\. Even if they are crazy people.

96\. I cannot destroy my computer when Google claims that Swiss people are annoying, crazy, and rude.

97\. Okay, maybe the last might go for some un named people.

98\. BUT STILL!

99\. Not only am I not allowed to do any of the stated above, I cannot shoot anyone, no exceptions.

100\. Shooting them with Nerf guns loaded with real bullets are not allowed either...

* * *

**14- I got this one from the ThePrussianCross, an awesome reviewer.**

**26-27- They actually arrested a chicken for this...**

**28-29- There is a clock tower in Switzerland and it is bigger than the Big Ben.**

**55- ...look at its lyrics and you'll understand.**

**58-60- Most baths in Switzerland require for you to be naked.**

**62- This actually happened one year.**

**69-71- There is a famous liquor in Switzerland made from cherries. **

**73-74- Llamas actually live in Switzerland because they were shipped from Peru.**

**91-93- This happens EVERY time, regardless whether they win or not.**


	13. India

**So a lot of people have been requesting for me to do certain nations lately, and so I've decided to put the out here so people will finally know. I only do these lists for nations whose birthdays are coming up, so you will have to wait. Sorry to disappoint anyone of you out there, but this rule is final. o there is a rule you should know now days about updates, updates will become a lot slower because school is packing up A LOT in my current schedule. I have been trying to work on this fic as much as possible, and you have no idea how stressful it is trying to squeeze it into my schedule. Anyone, here's the much needed India! He really needs more love, the only india fics I see here are either A) fan character India, B) India being England's bitch, or C) Utterly crazy fic about India not existing until America find a spirit and stuffs it in a body. Yeah... That makes absolutely no sense.**

**EDIT: A lovely reviewer pointed out to me that Finland had the highest amount of arms. Thank you for pointing that out, and I went back and fixed it now!**

* * *

**100 things I, India, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot enter a World Meeting by riding in on an elephant.

2\. Riding in on a herd of elephants will not change anything.

3\. In fact, it only make the situation at hand worse.

4\. I cannot bicker with China within the eye range of Hungary.

5\. Because she will take pictures.

6\. And photoshop them into something horrifying

7\. And call the bicker itself "a lovers' quarrel".

8\. I cannot call China, 'Communist Ass.'

9\. Even if it is true.

10\. America would agree.

11\. I cannot call England, 'Eyebrow Bastard".

12\. Again, even if it is true.

13\. Sealand would agree.

14\. I cannot go around muttering, "I'm too old for this shit".

15\. Even if I am.

16\. I've had to deal with 4,000+ years of bullshit.

17\. And that's 4,000+ years too many.

18\. I cannot tell any nations that my mystic eyes tell me that their math skills are terrible.

19\. No matter how true it may be.

20\. This is especially the case with certain nations.

21\. I cannot film anymore Bollywood movies in the conference room anymore.

22\. Not only would it aggravate the other nations, I would end up having to clean up my own mess.

23\. A shame, is it not?

24\. I cannot go around saying, "Bitches love my spice rack."

25\. Even if they do.

26\. China and I cannot hold any more math competitions between the two of us.

27\. Because the last time we did, the other nations made us quit after 7 hours because they were tired of keeping score.

28\. It was a tie, 18930 points each.

29\. Ah well, I would have won anyway.

30\. I cannot brag to America about how I have more citizens with IQ's over 120 than his entire population.

31\. Because he has one of the largest supplies of arms.

32\. And I'm too wise to mess with that.

33\. I cannot brag to America about how I am the world's largest democracy.

34\. (See 31-32)

35\. I should not tell anyone that I have one of the highest murder rates in the world.

36\. ...You didn't hear that.

37\. I cannot attack anyone that sees the photos of the one times I accidently got rabies.

38\. Damn you, Pakistan...

39\. I cannot brag to other nations about how Indian housewives own 11% of the world's gold.

40\. Believe me, the results will not be pretty.

41\. I cannot help Tibet harpoon China.

42\. Which is really is a shame, considering the stakes.

43\. I cannot tell America about how Bollywood is bigger than Hollywood.

44\. It's true, and they make way better movies.

45\. Every time I walk in a room, I cannot have an elaborate ceremony throwing flower petals while playing 'Chak De India' as I do so.

46\. No matter how cool it depicts me.

47\. Everytime China demands me to hand over Tibet's Dalai Lama, I cannot raise my middle finger to him.

48\. Afterward, bringing in my cow to the Conference room to shit on his chair is not allowed.

49\. Having the cow also shit on everybody's chairs is not allowed either.

50\. I cannot threaten to stab myself with incense in protest of having to listen to Germany's lectures.

51\. Even if Germany's lectures are really boring.

52\. I will not play hockey with Canada.

53\. It's not like I don't have the skills for it, it's just that he'll end up killing someone.

54\. And more than once, more than twice, and more than a hundred times, it's been his opponent.

55\. I cannot 'accidentally' smack England in the face when we play cricket together.

56\. (See 42)

57\. I cannot flip America off when he makes fun of my accent.

58\. ...some people just have no respect...

59\. I cannot spray colored powder on anyone.

60\. Especially if I do so on Holi.

61\. Me saying that it is perfectly acceptable behavior to do so at my place will not stop anyone from attempting to kill me.

62\. *sigh*

63\. I cannot tell any female nations that the fold of their clothing classifies them as a prostitute.

64\. What? It's perfectly acceptable behavior at my place.

65\. Sadly, like before, this excuse will not stop them from punching my face.

66\. Hard.

67\. I cannot flip off England when he reprimands me for eating with my hands.

68\. It is Indian etiquette to do so, so suck it.

69\. I cannot flip off England when he scolds me for being late constantly.

70\. Again. Typical Indian etiquette, so deal with it.

71\. (Immature Western idiots.)

72\. When offering to demonstrate my amazing pocketing skills, I must keep in mind that any money that I pocket cannot actually be kept.

73\. (See 42)

74\. I cannot give America disgusted looks when he eats with his left hand.

75\. I cannot give Prussia disgusted looks when he brings alcohol as a 'refreshment' to meetings.

76\. You westerners call alcohol refreshment?...

77\. I cannot grow bridges by manipulating the trees outside of the World Meeting building.

78\. The other nations will freak out.

79\. Don't ask how I made the tree roots grow so fast.

80\. I cannot plant trees in the meeting room.

81\. The other nations panicked when they saw I already planted an entire forest, complete with rhinos, tigers, and elephants.

82\. Again, don't ask me how I made the trees grow so fast, or how I got the elephants, rhinos, or tigers.

83\. It's a special secret.

84\. I cannot go around singing 'Chak De India'.

85\. No matter how amazing the song itself is or how amazingly I sing it.

86\. They're just jealous.

87\. I cannot forget to trim my eyebrows daily.

88\. Damn you, England, stupid curse...

89\. I cannot complain about Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom.

90\. Fuck that movie.

91\. I am not a primitive nation that practices dark magic.

92\. (That's England)

93\. And when I wouldn't allow them to film at my place, they decided to film at another South Asian nation, because hey, who can tell the difference!?

94\. (I can. As well as the rest of the world's population that give enough fucks to do their research)

95\. I will not visit Pakistan on the day before my birthday.

96\. The final straw…

97\. What led to war after war, violence, and bloodshed.

98\. *silence*

99\. As a note to end on, I have sworn to follow all 100 of these rules (like not singing at inappropriate times) because otherwise, I will not be allowed to eat curry at World Meetings. (And curry is life)

100\. "...Kuchh kariye, kuchh kariye, nas nas mer khaule, haay kuchh kariye!"

* * *

**So my headcanon is that India may view upon some Western nations as positive, however, for the majority, he views them as annoying and like children. He's normally very modest, but when it comes to nations he hates/dislikes, he has no problem bragging to them. (Also he sings 'Chak De India all the time cause he's amazing at singing and loves the song ^ ^) I put a lot of Indian etiquette in here, like using hands to eat and time punctuality. Here's me explaining some of the rules. (Also I view China and India as friends/rivals because they've known each other for so long yet they quarrel a lot because both of them are jockeying for influence in Asia)**

**14-17: India's history can be traced all the way back to the Indus River civilizations. Records are fuzzy about the time period, but I place his birth around here.**

**30: This true. Guess US has a lot work to do, eh? *shot***

**35: Also true.**

**37: Rabies is very common in India due most of the population living with animals.**

**39: Again. True. The amount of gold Indian housewives own is larger than the gold reserves of USA, IMF, Switzerland, and Germany put together.**

**43: AGAIN. THIS IS TRUE.**

**47: Tibet's Dalai Lama had to flee to India to escape the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) in 1959 and has established an government in North India.**

**48-49: If anyone is wondering why India has a cow, the cow is considered sacred in the Hindu religon, and cows often roam the streets of many cities.**

**52-54: Hockey is actually very popular in India and they have brought back gold medals in the olympics.**

**55: Due to the British Raj (period of british rule over India) cricket is a very popular sport in India.**

**57-58: I headcanon India as able to speak perfect English, but if he gets flustered or angry, his accents begins to show up more and more, depending on the degree of his emotions. At his worse, English speakers barely understand him (he would also be throwing in some hindi cuss words as well).**

**59-60: During the Holi, the spring festival, it's custom to spray each other with brightly colored powders to celebrate the coming of spring.**

**63-66: In India, the fold of your sari classifies who you are, a dignified woman or a prostitute. While this does not go for foreign clothing, India probably just does this just to get on their nerves.**

**69-70: It's considered very impolite if you arrive perfectly on time, so if you're having Indian guests over, do not be suprised when they are 15 to 30 minutes late.**

**72: Indian is a common place for thieves, so I imagine that India himself would be skilled at pocketing. (Even though he would never really pocket anyone other than people he hates)**

**74: It is considered very impolite and offensive to eat with your left hand in India since it is thought to be dirty and unsanitary.**

**75: Most families in India do not keep alcohol in their homes, however, alcohol may be served on special occasions. I think that India will find drinking alcohol whenever you feel like it strange, but on special occasions, he will not reprimand it.**

**77-79: There's a tribe in India that manipulates tree roots to create a system of living bridges. They have passed down this art for many generations.**

**81-82: There's man in India who has been planting trees since he was 16, he is now 47 and lives in his own forest that actually does have elephants, rhinos, and tigers.**

**87-88: Since India resents England a lot, I imagine he's insecure about the eyebrows, and trims them daily so he will not end up looking like England.**

**89-94: Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom is actually really offensive. They depict a group of Kali worshippers (Kali is an actual Hindu goddess worshipped by millions) as practitioners of child slavery, black magic, and ritual human sacrifice as well as putting skulls and bones all over the Kali temple for no other reason besides "IT NEEDS TO LOOK SCARY As FUCK PEOPLE".**

**95-98: In 1947, due to conflicts between muslims and Hindus, the muslims decided to split from the rest of India in fear of lesser representation because of the hindu majority. Hindus in Pakistan, where most of the muslims lived, had to move to India, and vice versa. People crossing the border faced starvation and violent clashes from extremists, which led to many, many people dying.**

**99: Curry is a common food in India and I imagine he's very fond of it.**

**100: This is one of the beginning lyrics of Chak De India. You should've known that India wouldn't' keep his promise Anyway, this translates to, 'Let's do something, let's do something, my every vein is saying, oh do something!'**


	14. South Korea

**First, I want to thank everyone that has reviewed this fic, I never thought I would get anything higher than 50 reviews, but holy cow, look where we are today! Anyway, I want you lovely people to take a vote. I want to do North Korea's list, but I'm afraid that many people won't like it because North Korea isn't official. The oc that I'm going to use is not of my own, but belongs to Lo-Wah on deviantart, I'm going to change the name because it doesn't make sense in Korean naming terms. Here, S Korea says hyung a lot, and I know Lo-wah's oc is called Im Hyung Soo, but that's literally naming a character 'Big Brother'. In Korea, you are expected to refer to family members by who they are, as for example, if you were a boy, you would call your elder brother, Hyung. Also, I didn't use da-ze here because many Korean people have said that they also have no idea what it means. So yeah. I hope you enjoy this!**

* * *

**100 things I, South Korea, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot hold anymore Kitty-Maid cosplay contests between me and Hong Kong.

2\. Especially on the meeting table.

3\. I will end up hurting A) the judges, B) Hong Kong, C) Everyone in the room, or D) All of the former.

4\. ...Yeah, that didn't end well.

5\. I cannot tell America that the only reason that I played baseball was because of a political move by my boss.

6\. I didn't even really want to play it in the first place... But I guess I like it now.

7\. I cannot play video games during meetings.

8\. Even if meetings are boring.

9\. And one really does need a way to remain entertained.

10\. I cannot replace Hong Kong's Oreos' filling with toothpaste.

11\. Especially if I film his reaction.

12\. I cannot say 'da-ze?" over and over for the sole purpose of annoying people.

13\. I cannot grope attack Aniki.

14\. Or anyone.

15\. I cannot call Aniki 'Aniki'.

16\. Hyung has insisted that it is evil because it is Japanese and everything Japanese is evil.

17\. ...I think you need to get out more, Hyung.

18\. I cannot have race with France to see who can grope the most people.

19\. Chances are, France and I get kicked out.

20\. On our gorgeous asses.

21\. I cannot play Big Liar.

22\. Even if I am amazing at it.

23\. And it gives me a chance to see 'special' nations drunk.

24\. ...I have photos!

25\. I cannot volunteer to model for Japan's yaoi manga.

26\. What? He need me so he can draw a 'special' position.

27\. ...Do you catch my drift?

28\. I cannot attend Hong Kong 'Hipster Asian Sparkle Parties'.

29\. Even if I am a hipster Asian.

30\. I cannot eat kimchi instead of paying attention to the meeting.

31\. It is rude and they will force me to throw my kimchi away.

32\. And it will be a shame to see good kimchi go to waste.

33\. I cannot skip meetings in favor of watching Korean dramas at home.

34\. Even if Korean dramas are way better than listening to a droning German.

35\. ...I missed My Boyfriend is Type B for this?

36\. I cannot tackle anyone who requests that I dance Gangnam Style.

37\. Jesus, I liked in the beginning, but this has gone too far!

38\. TOO FAR!

39\. (Okay, so the only reason why I dance it nowadays is so I can annoy Aniki and Hyung...)

40\. I cannot use the Meeting Table as a stage for my Korean Pop performance.

41\. Even if my Korean Pop performance is way more important than Germany's boring speech.

42\. I cannot tell America that I wear makeup.

43\. He will call me a priss.

44\. And a man girl.

45\. ...he does know that it's his fault I have this crazy kind of culture, right?

46\. I cannot run around singing 'Bonamana' while dancing on the Conference tables.

47\. Because the other nations will get angry.

48\. And make me sing and dance in the closet down the hall.

49\. And it would be a shame to see fabulous dancing and singing go to waste.

50\. Especially when the dancing and singing is of my own.

51\. I cannot laugh about Hyung and I being the tallest out of all the Asians.

52\. I will keep in note, no matter how much military training I go through or how much I practice my Taekwondo, I will never be able face Aniki's kungfu, Vietnam's oar, and Japan's katana at the same time.

53\. Yeah...

54\. Hyung's submachine gun may help, but not that much.

55\. I cannot shout out, "Do a number!" in the middle of a Meeting.

56\. Even if a bunch of nations will dance with me.

57\. And Japan will film it.

58\. I cannot complain to Hyung that no one in the west pays attention to me anymore because he gets all the attention with his 20 year old boss.

59\. What? It's not fair!

60\. (I will keep in mind that his boss will most likely hear me and will not be above shooting nukes at me...)

61\. I cannot forget to lock all of my doors and windows when I leave my house.

62\. Especially on Friday.

63\. Because when I come back, America will be on my computer.

64\. And then I will have to get five other nations to help pull him off my computer.

65\. And spending 3 consecutive hours trying peel him off my computer is not a way I want to spend my Friday.

66\. I cannot invite Spain to watch a bullfighting match with me.

67\. Because most likely he will complain there is no excitement and adrenaline of watching a human fight against a bull.

68\. And when he find out the bulls are drunk, he won't be very pleased.

69\. And more than likely, he will drag me to his place so he can teach me what real bullfighting is.

70\. By making me fight a actual bull.

71\. Ugh... I still have nightmares...

72\. I cannot dress up as the Terminator and stand on the Conference table, screaming, "I shall slay all the jellyfish!"

73\. Damn jellyfish...

74\. I cannot drink alcohol in America.

75\. Because the police will catch me when I'm doing my drunken dance down the street.

76\. And they will arrest me for underage alcohol consumption.

77\. Me saying that it's perfectly acceptable to drink alcohol in my place will not stop them.

78\. Instead, they will laugh and call me a F.O.B.

79\. *not pleased*

80\. I cannot forget to actually stop working.

81\. Last time, I went eight hours of working without getting out.

82\. The only reason I remembered to stop was that so I could play Minecraft.

83\. I cannot invite anybody to a drinking session.

84\. Because it will most likely end in at least five people stripped and two people will be WAYYY knocked out.

85\. And more than likely, one of those five people naked will probably be me.

86\. I cannot persuade Aniki that playing my game Starcraft is a viable career for me.

87\. Hong Kong would most likely join me in this career.

88\. I cannot jump on the table and claim that my Korean Spirit shall engulf us all.

89\. Wow, a lot of these include me leaving the Meeting table alone.

90\. (Probably for the best anyway...)

91\. I cannot complain to Russia that he's the reason why I have these insanely cold winters.

92\. His stupid Siberian winds...

93\. But I will keep in mind that Russia's influence on Hyung was very real.

94\. Now I know where those red stains on his pipe come from...

95\. Hopefully they're not coming from bashed skulls anytime soon.

96\. I should not reminisce about my childhood.

97\. It will bring up memories too painful to be remembered...

98\. *silence*

99\. Same routine as before, I have to abide by these rules because otherwise, Aniki will punish me and have all the other nations call me an ass for a week.

100\. I'm not an ass! Much...

* * *

**5-6: This is true. South Korea's dictator established baseball in the country as a political move so that all those people rebelling against him would have somewhere else to focus their minds.**

**35: My Boyfriend is Type B is korean movie. In South Korea, they belive your blood type determines your personality, for Type B, they can be creative but arrogrant. The movie talk about a girl having to deal with her boyfriend's impulsive nature.**

**42-44: Most men in South Korea actually do wear makeup and it's completely normal. The plastic surgery there is also a lot cheaper, you can get a good face lift for between $2,000 and $3,000.**

**46: Bonamana is a song by the Korean pop star Super Junior. Go listen to it. NOW.**

**61-65: South Korea has some of the fastest internet connection in the world (I think). So it would make sense that America would just jet off to Seoul when his internet is slow.**

**66-71: Bullfighting in South Korea is literally just two bulls fighting each other. Their owners actually get them drunk before the match, and if they lose, both the bull and the owner drown their sorrows in booze. SPAIN DOES NOT APPROVE.**

**72-72: South Korea has been having a problem with too much jellyfish recently and scientists are actually planning on building robots for the purpose of killing off the jellyfish. Jellyfish Terminator.**

**74-79: The legal drinking age in S Korea is younger than America's and S korea's businesses are infamous for their rowdy drinking parties. With America and South korea such close allies, S korea would most likely come over more than once for business meetings, and where's business meetings, there's drinking parties. By the way, the cops are calling him 'Fresh off the Boat' because he was talking about how it was normal in his home country. You should be able to see it, if not be, very aware of the large amount of immigrants America receives.**

**80-82: S Korea is practically is famous for its students working extremely hard. On test days, cars and other forms of transportation stop for students and it's required that they do that. I decided he must be lazy sometimes, but he can work really hard when he puts his mind to it.**

**83-85: Business drinking session. Very official.**

**86-87: You can actually make a living in South Korea by playing their game Starcraft. It pays well too.**

**91-92: The Siberian winds from the north are the reason why South Korea has such cold winters.**

**REVIEW, MY UNDERLINGS! (Just kidding, I love you guys)**


	15. Hungary

**Oh jesus, I have missed so many deadlines. August has SOOOOOO many birthdays in there with school trying to kill me, I have no idea how I'm going to get everything done. *cries* Anyway, I really need to catch up back onto the deadlines, because otherwise, I can't update my other stories. Yeah, you would think with how fast I update this fic that I have nothing else to do besides school and this fic, but I really do have other fics that want more chappies. So I better pray to the Anime gods that they will give me the power to think up new ideas, time, and the ability to type fast if I ever want to catch back up on the deadlines. I'm putting Hungary here because I haven't gotten enough votes for North Korea's chappie.**

* * *

100 things I, Hungary, cannot do.

1\. I cannot smack anyone with my frying pan without a valid reason.

2\. 'Because I felt like it' does not count.

3\. ...unfortunately.

4\. I cannot claim that every time a male is within two feet of another male is proof of their secret undying love for each other.

5\. No matter how true I believe it is.

6\. I cannot borrow Japan's camera for my 'special' film.

7\. He actually doesn't have a problem with it. Austria was the one who made me stop.

8\. I cannot keep on buying gay porn from Czechia.

9\. It's not good habit.

10\. And it doesn't leave the best of impressions on people.

11\. Also, they're damn expensive.

12\. I cannot tell America that keep my dead king's right hand on display.

13\. What? It's a holy relic!

14\. ...Why are you looking at me like that?

15\. I cannot put up any more video cameras around the other nations' houses.

16\. Even if I have ran out of my yaoi and I need more footage.

17\. (Even though I really can't get any 'especially' good footage.)

18\. I cannot show any nations, besides Japan, Boku No Pico.

19\. Even if it is the best thing that has happened to me.

20\. Save for my frying pan.

21\. *Drools*

22\. I cannot hit Prussia when asks me if I could make him a sandwich.

23\. Sadly, Austria does this as well.

24\. Men...

25\. I cannot dress any more male micronations in girly clothing.

26\. Even if it's my chance to fufill my dreams of chibi yaoi.

27\. I didn't say anything.

28\. I cannot brag about me winning a gold medal every year in the Olympics except when I didn't compete.

29\. Bragging is not good for anyone and especially me.

30\. Also, nations will get angry and attempt kill me.

31\. Even though I'll most likely smash their faces with my frying pan before they can get a hundred feet of me.

32\. I cannot slam America's face when he claims the Hungarian Komondor looks like its fur is made out of mops.

33\. He's a good dog!

34\. ...And he can chew off your face.

35\. But don't tell anyone that.

36\. I cannot any nations that have rhinos that I think a rhino is just a fat unicorn.

37\. What? It does look like one!

38\. (If they ever hear this, they will make me fight against one of their rhinos.)

39\. (And fighting rhinos is not something one should do on a regular basis.)

40\. When showing yaoi to someone, there are several choice nations I should not show it to.

41\. Nations that have A) a powerful military and/or weapons, B) a crazy boss, or C) are crazy themselves.

42\. Yeah... I think I need to watch who I show my Yaoi to.

43\. On the second thought, I shouldn't show it to anyone besides Japan.

44\. I cannot attempt to kill America when he calls me Hermione.

45\. Who the heck is that?

46\. I cannot demonstrate my lessons from Atilla Prussia when he calls me Atilla the Hun.

47\. *malicous grin*

48\. I cannot say 'Go Google it" when people try to hit on me.

49\. No matter how amusing it is to me.

50\. It really is a shame.

51\. I cannot smash my moniter into peices with my frying pan when Google says Hungarians are aliens.

52\. What the hell...

53\. I cannot attempt to wrench off Romania's teeth.

54\. Because his teeth are hella sharp.

55\. And he will most likely draw blood.

56\. I cannot propose on creating a national holiday dedicated to Yaoi.

57\. Even if Japan will agree with me.

58\. And it totally deserves to be.

59\. I cannot band together with Greece on the misson to kill Turkey.

60\. Because making enemies in this era is not a smart idea.

61\. I cannot ask Czechia to take me to Horni Police.

62\. Even if I really want to see some sexy police outfits, complete with handcuffs.

63\. I cannot hit people with my frying pan when they ask me if I'm hungry.

64\. Misinterpreting it as abuse of my nation title is also something I am not allowed to do.

65\. (63 is not applied to the Bad Touch Trio, America, and/or a drunk Austria.)

66\. I cannot tell Poland that he's manlier than Germany for dressing the way he is.

67\. It takes a real man to pull off a dress.

68\. I am not allowed to let Greece borrow my frying pan.

69\. I cannot 'accidentally' leave it in his room.

70\. Hm, wonder how that got there!

71\. Greece and I cannot convince America to spread Thanksgiving to Europe.

72\. Even if the only reason we did was so we could dress Turkey as bird.

73\. I cannot force anyone into a dress.

74\. No matter how good the footage is.

75\. Not to self- Do not give Japan photos of Greece and Turkey in dresses.

76\. Two words. Explosive. Noseblees.

77\. Yeah...

78\. I cannot joke about how to America, his Big Macs are small.

79\. He will take it as a challenge to create bigger Big Macs.

80\. And then England will get on to me for more of America's citizens ending up with heart problems.

81\. ..but it wasn't my fault in the first place...

82\. I cannot skip meetings in favor of solving my Rubik cubes.

83\. Even if the damn Rubik cube refuses to be solved.

84\. Me taking off the stickers and making them all match does not count as solving the Rubik Cube.

85\. (See 50)

86\. How Milan Bictz does it, I have absloutely no idea.

87\. I cannot give Italy a monster drink and unleash the full force onto Germany.

88\. Especially If I film it.

89\. And put it on Youtube.

90\. I cannot attempt to smash Russia's pipe.

91\. I went at it for nearly five hours straight and I still didn't mange to make a dent in it!

92\. How is that even possible?!

93\. I cannot tell anyone that I drink Bull's Blood.

94\. Because no one will believe me.

95\. It's the source of my power!

96\. And why my hits from my frying pan are so lethal!

97\. As it was specicified numerous times from previous lists, I am bound to follow these rules for as long as they remain in place, else should I expect no anymore yaoi shippings from Japan.

98\. One more thing.

99\. Don't overinterpret things as sexual things.

100\. No matter how much I am sure that the World Meeting is just one massive thinly veiled orgy.

* * *

**Eheh. I really couldn't find any interesting facts, so here's what the few ones mean!**

**8-10: Czech Republic actually makes a lot gay porn. However, they don't seem too interested in it themselves.**

**12-14: This is true.**

**28: Again, true.**

**32-34: Look it up and you'll see what I saying. It's also called a Hungarian Guard Dog.**

**46: Seeing how the modern Hungary came from the Huns, I have a feeling that she would know him somewhat.**

**61-62: There's actually a town in Czech called that.**

**82-86: A Hungarian invented the Rubik cube and Milan Bictzholds the world record for solving the most Rubik cubes under 24 hours. He solved nearly 20,000 in 24 hours.**

**94-96: The Legend of Bull's Blood is when under the siege of the Castle of Eger by the Turks, the Hungarians were so tough to beat after they drank local red wine. The Turks tried to figure out what is that the soldiers drink behind the walls, and Hungarians said that it was Bulls's Blood, and it gives them courage.**

**Please review!**


	16. Ukraine

** OH GOD OH GOD THIS IS SO LATE IM SO LATE AND I STILL HAVE A LOT TO DO OH GOD *starts crying* this was nearly impossible to finish because she's always been the motherly and caring girl to everyone she practically comes into, but I guess playing upon her protectiveness of her younger siblings was a key of this one :P In this one, character development was more prominent then the random facts I usually just use, and she is REALLY OOC here, but then again... "One does not simply be related to Mother Russia and remain sane. XD I used some weird facts at the beginning, but I just said, "screw this" and made her do all the crazy things. My headcanon is that while she is sensitive, she knows how to take advantage of it to get what she wants. And also she does ****sometimes do the most random things because let's admit, being surrounded by crazy nations DOES have an effect on your temper length. Please enjoy and please excuse my snail pace! *starts crying again***

* * *

100 things I, Ukraine, cannot do.

1\. I cannot spend an entire day doing nothing but baking bread.

2\. Is it because my bread is bad...?

3\. *starts sobbing*

4\. I cannot randomly burst into tears.

5\. It will make everybody feel awkward.

6\. And it makes everybody feel guilty for making me cry.

7\. And it is rude.

8\. I cannot tell Russia that France was giving me perverted looks when I came to the World Conference in a school uniform.

9\. Nor shall I mention to him that he called me a French maid.

10\. I cannot use my pitchfork as wweapon

11\. It is not nice.

12\. And anyone who happens to face it will be very shocked at my sudden outburst.

13\. And they will freak out.

14\. I will not talk about Russia invading me within earshot of Russia himself.

15\. It will make things awkward between us.

16\. Very awkward.

17\. The same can be said for Chernobyl.

18\. I cannot tell America that I have the world's oldest existing constitution.

19\. Because he would go around and stalk me for two weeks straight.

20\. (And Russia will most likely kill him if he found out.)

21\. I cannot challenge Germany or Prussia to a drinking contest.

22\. Because we would probably drink until we blackout.

23\. Besides, I would win.

24\. Being the fifth most-drinking nation does has its advantages.

25\. I cannot dress up as a police woman to the World Meeting.

26\. What? They told me they needed my help with solving their crimes?

27\. I cannot wear a bikini in public place.

28\. How am I suppose to enjoy myself if all these men are staring at me 24/7?

29\. Convincing France to sing 'Let it Hon' on the meeting table is an indefinitely a bad idea.

30\. Especially if he chooses to wear a Elsa dress at the same time.

31\. Threatening to stuff people inside a bread oven when they threaten my siblings is not allowed.

32\. (See 11)

33\. (Not to mention gory...)

34\. I cannot invite my enemies to a stroll in Chernobyl.

35\. Of course, not in those exact words.

36\. Nations aren't stupid, even when dealing with nations such as America.

37\. I cannot turn the entire meeting into a Dr. Phil episode when Russia and Belarus don't come.

38\. Even if I am trying to actually help people.

39\. I cannot go dance around on farmland, spraying sunflower seeds everywhere, and singing, "Sing Earth, sing earth, sing!"

40\. It will make people freak out.

41\. No matter how many times I tell them this perfectly normal.

42\. For me.

43\. I cannot mention the words: 'me', 'sleep', and 'Russia', in the same sentence when speaking to Belarus.

44\. She really does take things seriously with Russia...

45\. I cannot claim I saved the World.

46\. What? I literally did!

47\. (I made a doc, named it The World, and saved it.)

48\. (Like a boss.)

49\. (Oh geez, I've been hanging out with America too much...)

50\. I cannot dress in a playboy bunny suit for Halloween.

51\. That never ends well...

52\. I cannot eat England's cooking.

53\. This is a no brainer.

54\. I heard once he went on a cooking show to make salad and right after he poured the vinegar, it burst into flames.

55\. ...how does that happen?

56\. Hungary and I cannot 'help' people by setting them on blind dates.

57\. No matter how amusing the aftermath is.

58\. Like that one time we set France and Bulgaria on a date...

59\. *snicker*

60\. I cannot choke anyone who plays 'Tig ol' Bitties" everytime I enter a room.

61\. I hate my chest sometimes...

62\. I cannot 'accidentally' drop my folders on the ground every two minutes.

63\. Especially if I choose to 'accidentally' drop them on someone's head.

64\. Even if the meetings are so boring it's worth doing it.

65\. I cannot listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed and claim the reason I do so is because of my superior mental processing.

66\. ...It's a lie...

67\. I cannot sing along to the Opera when Austria is with me.

68\. Even if my singing is way better than the Opera singers.

69\. Austria does not appreciate it...

70\. I cannot go around a mall babbling about Russia's scarf all day long.

71\. Even if it was a fond memory for me...

72\. But he never did make Kiev successful in return...

73\. That is so cold hearted...

74\. I cannot ask other nations mysterious question, scribble them down, and mutter about 'psychic profiles.'

75\. Nobody does that on a regular basis.

76\. And I got arrested last time.

77\. I cannot attempt to stab America when he has his little alien friend cut elaborate crop circles in my fields.

78\. Stupid American alien.

79\. I was growing weed for Jamaica in one of them!

80\. You didn't hear that.

81\. I cannot call Spain Conquistador.

82\. Because the Latin American nations will attempt to kill him later.

83\. And then the said Spain, now very injured, will blame that on me.

84\. And Germany would get mad at me.

85\. Again.

86\. When stapling papers, I cannot staple them in the middle of the pages.

87\. Someone would not be able to read the pages and would get fairly frustrated about it.

88\. And by someone, I mean Germany.

89\. I cannot explain reproduction to the micro nations.

90\. Nor do I want to.

91\. They'll figure out in their own one day...

92\. If you know what I mean.

93\. I cannot dress up as a Cossack and threaten to kick Mongolia in the balls.

94\. Because I'll kick him in the balls either way.

95\. Also, it is not nice to kick someone in their balls.

96\. All of the above have been officially declared things that I am unable to do.

97\. Such as flirting with EU members to get into the EU.

98\. Or making alcohol out of wheat.

99\. You get the idea.

100\. (Psst, Jamaica! I got your weed by the way!)

* * *

**8-9: Look up the Ukrainian female school uniform and it legitamately resembles like a French Maid outift.**

**18: This is true. It's been around since 1710.**

**21-24: This is true too.. Only Russians, Moldovians, Hungarians, and Czechs drink more.**

**25-26: Ukraine's police solve about 90% percent of crimes that occur, compared to the rest of Europe, which has 30 to 40 percent of solved crimes compared to all of the crimes. The reason for this is because the police are reluctant to take in 'hopeless cases', such as mobile phone theft.**

**I think that Ukraine would dislike Mongolia because he was the one who turned her innocent, loving brother into the psycho.**


	17. Belarus

**ANNOUNCEMENT-North Korea's chapter will be posted next year, it's too far behind to post his chapter now. Sorry if I disappointed some of you, but it would just be awkard if I posted his birthday chapter in the middle of December XD. Here's dear Belarus! This was actually a bit hard to do because there's only a small number of people she interacts with , so I had to get creative on some of them. Enjoy!**

* * *

100 things I, Belarus, cannot do.

1\. I cannot force Big Brother to marry me.

2\. Even if he really does want to marry me inside.

3\. He will marry me eventually...

4\. I cannot disembowel anymore people's insides.

5\. Even if they are plotting to kill Big Brother secretly.

6\. Or they completely deserve it.

7\. I cannot play 'Break the Sticks' using Lithuania's fingers.

8\. Nor can I stab his eyes using my fingers.

9\. No matter how many times I do the above, he will not stop flirting with me.

10\. ...a shame.

11\. I cannot decorate the entire meeting room with flax.

12\. Even if flax is life.

13\. I cannot pretend to be ceiling cat in order to stalk Big Brother.

14\. It is quite effective actually.

15\. I cannot stab S. Korea when he asks if I like him.

16\. Especially when he plays 'Rumor has it' while doing so.

17\. Stupid idiot...

18\. I cannot kill anybody that makes fun of my status as the smallest breasted female European nation.

19\. And when you have a sister with a chest like Ukraine's...

20\. *angry silence*

21\. I cannot ride bison into a World Meeting.

22\. Especially if I try to impale several nations.

23\. I will end up having to pay for all of the walls that I destroyed and medical bills.

24\. And my economy is no shape to do so.

25\. I cannot take Germany's place as enforcer when he is missing.

26\. *sticks ticket on you*

27\. You are charged with a 500 dollar fine for looking at Big Brother for approximately 2.5 seconds.

28\. Don't argue with me.

29\. The more you argue with me, the higher your fine will be.

30\. It now has been raised to 1000 dollars.

31\. Didn't I tell you before?

32\. I cannot slap micronations for being stupid.

33\. Or for crying.

34\. Or for being childish.

35\. Or for being idiotic.

36\. Do you understand me now?

37\. I cannot create simselves of brother and me and then marry us together.

38\. Because it will never be the same as the real thing.

39\. Also, the damn Sims games doesn't allow big brother and I to marry because of incest.

40\. *smashes monitor*

41\. I cannot kick anyone in the crotch.

42\. It is rude.

43\. And will get me no where.

44\. I cannot call Big Brother 'Bulbach' in a low creepy voice.

45\. It freaks hims out.

46\. Even if I know he likes it secretly.

47\. I cannot sneak into other countries' houses while they are sleeping.

48\. Nor am I allowed to draw flax flowers on their faces.

49\. Nor am I allowed to draw bows.

50\. Nor am I allowed to draw Big Brother.

51\. In fact, I probably shouldn't draw on their faces at all.

52\. When America drags me off to meet his stupid states, keep in mind that I cannot call the southern ones, "Yankees".

53\. Apparently, they take offense to it.

54\. And then I will have to use my knife as a shield against fried chicken, peach pies, and other forms of Southern cuisine.

55\. I cannot play hockey with Canada ever.

56\. Because I will end up sending both of us to the emergency room.

57\. And America will get mad.

58\. And so will my boss.

59\. Shame.

60\. I cannot angrily remind Ukraine that most victims of the Chernobyl incident were Belarussian.

61\. Because she will start to cry.

62\. A lot.

63\. And Big Brother will get mad at me.

64\. I cannot violently injure anybody that calls me a stalker.

65\. Because medical bills.

66\. Damn medical bills.

67\. I cannot clobber Denmark over the head when he runs around humming loudly, "Da dum da da da da dum.."

68\. Because he will not stop.

69\. No matter what.

70\. When America starts making perverted jokes about the beautiful girls of Belarus, I cannot kill him.

71\. Besides, once I tell Big Brother, killing will be much more fun.

72\. *_Creepy grin*_

73\. I cannot get mad at Big Brother for being so aggressive.

74\. His economy has suffered because of him, and so has mine as a result of it.

75\. I must know that I have responsibility to dress in a goose suit and lure Ukraine away when she tries to turn the meeting into a Dr. Phil episode When Russia is absent to do so.

76\. Even if I really don't want put on the goose suit.

77\. I must also know that the goose suit is not to be abused.

78\. Meaning that I must not use it to shut Ukraine up when she scolds me for speaking Russian more often than my own language.

79\. Really a shame.

80\. I have enough on my back already.

81\. I cannot use my gymnastics talent to beat the shit out of anyone.

82\. Even if 'anyone' refers to America.

83\. Or Lithuania.

84\. Or Denmark.

85\. Or South Korea.

86\. You get the idea.

87\. Bragging to Vatican City that I was one of the first nations to have my own printed Bible will get me nowhere.

88\. No matter how hard I try.

89\. I cannot punch America when he tries to get me to dress up as Alice from Madness Returns.

90\. Because he will end up bribing me with sanctions either way.

91\. Hmm... I do like the knife this costume comes with though...

92\. _*scary smile*_

93\. The Cheshire one is my favorite, though...

94\. Finand and I cannot have a battle to the death.

95\. Because neither of us will win.

96\. Either one, we kill everybody.

97\. Or two, we kill each other at the same time.

98\. Or three, Ukraine and Big Btother have to pull me away form the fight while the Nordics do the same for Finland.

99\. I am not to disobey this list under all normal circumstances otherwise should I want to pay more taxes.

100\. Unfortunately, almost all of things listed are here more fun than legal.

* * *

**12-13: Good qualitive flax often comes out of Belarus and flax flowers are seen of Belarus's national embelm.**

**18: Belarus has the smallest breasts in women out of all the European nations. And with a bouncy sister like Ukraine... *gets stabbed***

**21-24: Belarus has the world's largest population of bison. O-O**

**25-31: If you ever happen to go to Belarus and get pulled over, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT argue with the police. They have a strong reputation for being extremely strict and will never take bribes. It has been shown the longer you argue with the police, the high your ticket will become. **

**44-45: A Belarussian will not mind if you call him Bulbach since that is the name of a good local vodka drink.**

**60-63: This is true.**

**70-71: A common Belarussian stereotype.**

**73-74: The Belarussian economy is closely tied to the Russian economy and in recent times, since the Russian economy has been failing, so has the Belarussian economy.**

**75-80: Goose are commonly found all over Ukraine so imagine Ukraine herself would be fond of them. Her siblings know how to exploit this weakness. XD.**

**87-88: this true.**

**89-92: I LOVE THAT GAME I THINK BELARUS WOULD LOOK AWESOME IN ALICE'S DRESSES**


	18. Vietnam

**OVER A MONTH A LATE WOW AREN'T I SOMETHING SPECIAL**

* * *

100 things I, Vietnam, cannot do.

1\. I cannot kick any nations in the crotch.

2\. Especially if I use my oar.

3\. Or my gun.

4\. Or anything that can be used as a weapon, in fact.

5\. I cannot invite America to my new steel bridge.

6\. Because when he sees that it's shaped as a dragon he'll spazz out.

7\. And don't get me started when he sees it breathing out actual fire.

8\. I had to send him to the hospital because he was freaking out so much.

9\. I cannot hide in a cave when I don't want to attend World Meetings.

10\. Good luck finding me. It's so big that it has its own forests and clouds.

11\. ..which probably why they made me stop hiding in caves.

12\. I cannot offer Ruou Ran to anyone.

13\. What? It can cure any kind of sickness!

14\. ...also, don't freak out about the pickled snake inside of there...

15\. I cannot use my pet potbelly pig to attack people.

16\. Even if they completely deserve to be rammed in the stomach by a potbelly pig.

17\. I cannot kill Taiwan when she forces me to dress in a maid costume.

18\. Why the hell am I doing this...

19\. What has Japan been showing her?!

20\. I cannot kill S. Korea when he forces me to listen to his K-pop.

21\. Once, he glued headphones onto my head while I was asleep.

22\. And he played "Love Options" on repeat.

23\. You don't want to know what I did to him.

24\. When in foreign countries I must keep in minds that pedestrian lanes are to be obeyed.

25\. Because saying, "But she/he was suppose to know that I don't obey pedestrian lanes!" is not a proper excuse next time I run over a passerby.

26\. I cannot describe the perfect European.

27\. But, if I could, the perfect European would be...

28\. Cooking like a Brit...

29\. Driving like the French...

30\. Humble as a Spaniard...

31\. Humorous as a German...

32\. Controlled as an Italian...

33\. Patient as an Austrian...

34\. ... and organized as an Greek.

35\. *gets shot several times*

36\. (No regrets)

37\. *sprints off*

38\. I cannot bribe Seychelles to flood the Meeting Room.

39\. 'Because I can ride in on my canoe and look amazing' is not an excuse.

40\. Last time didn't end well...

41\. I cannot slap South Korea when he asks if I have romantic interest in America.

42\. Or Thailand.

43\. Or himself.

44\. In the case of the above, I would not slap with my hand, but instead, my oar.

45\. Because getting slapped by my oar hurts a lot more than getting slapped by a hand.

46\. (Ignoring the fact that I specifically said not to slap South Korea a couple number ago..)

47\. I cannot accept America's bribes.

48\. Last time I did, I ended up in Las Vegas with him...

49\. You DO NOT want to know what happened.

50\. I will not give give Taiwan any pictures of Thailand crossdressing.

51\. See him once like that, and you're scarred for life...

52\. When America forces me to play Angry Birds with him, I am not allowed to call the game stupid within Finland's earshot.

53\. Apparently, Angry Birds is Finnish.

54\. You do learn something new everyday...

55\. I cannot attempt to kill France when he says, "My little colony".

56\. I also cannot remind him that I kicked his ass when I fought for my independence.

57\. Apparently, it hurts his feelings.

58\. I cannot remind America about the hundreds of thousands of people killed or deformed because of his use of Agent Orange.

59\. It's no use.

60\. He will only put his hands over his ears and yell, "LALALALA, those numbers are insanely huge, man!"

61\. The ignorant fool...

62\. Reading Taiwan's fanfiction is never a good idea.

63\. I'd think I'd rather have my eyes slowly gouged out with chopsticks...

64\. Note to self, do not say that to Taiwan's face.

65\. China said that once and it ended with him strung upside down from a tree while listening to Taiwan's fanfic on repeat...

66\. Watching Korean dramas is not helpful for me or my sanity.

67\. Um, how come the one who doesn't get the girl always dies?

68\. I will never S. Korea and his dramas...

69\. I am not allowed to hit America when he makes jokes about this number.

70\. Say _**one** _word, S. Korea, and you're dead.

71\. Building a shrine for the turtles in the Meeting Room is not allowed.

72\. Even if turtles are life.

73\. Spain would agree.

74\. When America forces me to watch his idiotic show Sesame Street with him, I cannot ask if Bert and Ernie are gay.

75\. Because then he will lecture me for two hours straight about the importance of not using puppets and harmless friendships to determine someone's sexual orientation.

76\. And then after lecturing the living daylights of me, he will simply say, "They are not gay, nor are they straight. They are puppets. They don't exist below the waist."

77\. ...

78\. 74 also goes for when he makes me watch SpongeBob.

79\. Noting the fact that there is a blue fish with a clearly shown penis in the backgrounds is not advised either.

80\. Going to an African Elephant reserve with Thailand is to be taken care of with caution.

81\. Especially when sightseeing the drunk baby elephants in Namibia.

82\. (Even if they are hilarious when they act like they're drunk)

83\. I cannot invite America to sightsee Thailand's elephants.

84\. You know, they were once used for execution practices in South East Asia, by tying the victim to the foot and going around for a bloody trample.

85\. And on occasion, they 'accidentally' destroy entire villages when a stampede occurs.

86\. Note to self: Do not tell America that.

87\. I need the tourism money.

88\. Asking China about 50 Shades of Grey is not a wise choice.

89\. Because he will proceed to lecture me about it being the worst porn he ever read.

90\. And tell me not go around thinking that this is what good porn is.

91\. And even offer up to tell me stories of when he had '_fun'_ with India, Persia, Rome, etc.

92\. Geez, I keep forgetting the old man has gotten a lot action over his years.

93\. Asking China if he ever fears dying is not good decision either.

94\. He will simply shrug and say, that all nations fall eventually.

95\. He feels that he's lived long enough, so he wouldn't freak out if the zombie apocalypse broke out.

96\. Talk about demoralizing...

97\. Remembering the Vietnam War is not good for my sanity.

98\. I fought that war so we could be together... And now he's dead...

99\. I shouldn't do any of this stuff ever...

100\. But Internet exists so, yeah.

* * *

**5-7: This is true. 0-0**

**9-11: Again, true. **

**12-13: It's a famous Vietnamese rice wine that has a pickled snake inside of it and that is rumored to cure any illness. It translates to 'Snake Wine'.**

**15-16: Many Vietnamese keep potbellied pigs as pets.**

**24-25: A friend who went to Vietnam said that no one obeyed pedestrian lanes. She said she muttered a prayer every time she crossed the road. XD.**

**50-51: Thailand has a high number of transgender people and crossdressers. My head canon is that while Thailand identifies as male, he finds cross dressing fun and does do it on occasions.**

**71-74: Turtles are actually worshipped in parts of Vietnam, among other animals.**

**74-77: 77 was actually what the CEO of Sesame Street Workshop said when asked if Bert and Ernie were gay.**

**70: If you look closely in most of the episodes of SpongeBob, you can actually see this. O-O**

**80-82: Packs of elephant often feed on this type of plant that can induce drug like effects when eaten in large quantities. The youngsters like to act drunk and it's hilarious. XD**

**88-91: I feel that China would know a lot about sex because one, his emperors' harems, and two, you're talking to an over 4,000 year old man. How could he possibly have not gotten some action?**

**97-98: Vietnam is referring to South Vietnam, the corrupted democracy in the Vietnam war. She only fought the war so she and him could be reunited, but since there was no effort for independence nor any cultural differences, South Vietnam perished. At least, that's my headcanon.**


	19. Sealand

**OH MAI GOD I am so sorry for taking forever. Life has taken a chaotic turn and recently, I've been struggling in a class, having to cram for my exam, and stuff stuff ( My weak excuses for why I haven't been able to work on this story T-T)**

**Anyway, one reviewer told me that I often make the characters OOC. While I agree with you dear reviewer, you do have to realize how difficult it is writing a hundred banned activities for character. For characters such as Ukraine, it can easily get repetitive (I cannot cry when blah, I cannot cry when bleh) without little imagination. So while I'm not bashing you at all reviewer, you have to know that how hard it can be to write these lists, especially for minor characters or typically demure characters.**

**With that out of the way, enjoy this list for the smallest micronation of all!**

* * *

**100 things I, Sealand, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot attend World Meetings.

2\. England says they are an important time that all nations come to gather to discuss world shaking matters.

3\. ...Then how come I saw at least five nations drunk last time I was there?

4\. I cannot sneak in the UN and make recognizing the principality of Sealand as country a top priority.

5\. The secretary-general didn't look too happy when he had to kick me out...

6\. I cannot ask Ladonia if he's gay for Kugemugel.

7\. That would not end well...

8\. I cannot help Seborga get laid by Monaco.

9\. Note to self: I am not good at gambling and most likely never will.

10\. I cannot swear within earshot of Sweden and Finland.

11\. Because I would most perish if I did ever happen to.

12\. I cannot talk to nations who are 1) dangerous, 2) have crazy bosses, or 3) are crazy themselves.

13\. ...This actually limits quite a lot of nations that I am able to talk to.

14\. ...Then again, when was the last time I followed rules?

15\. I cannot ask America and Japan to make me into a Transformer.

16\. I tried to blast off my arm and that didn't end too well.

17\. Lativa has yet to forgive me...

18\. I cannot attempt to pay for items using my currency.

19\. Which is totes unfair.

20\. 'Cause my currency deserves to be recognized as well.

21\. I cannot ask TRNC to join our micronation group.

22\. Because he would rudely point out he's actually recognized by another country, unlike the good lot of us.

23\. And then I would fly into a frenzied rage.

24\. And attempt to kill him.

25\. And then TRNC would tell on me to Turkey.

26\. And then Turkey would tell England.

27\. And then scones.

28\. *shudder*

29\. I cannot use my flag colors in any sort of propagandic way in the World Meeting Room.

30\. Which is completely unfair!

31\. I SPENT YEARS BREEDING A RED AND BLACK PIG INTO EXISTENCE JUST SO I COULD USE MY FLAG COLORS!

32\. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY RED AND BLACK TREE!

33\. I am not allowed to tackle anyone who mentions the time that Pirate Bay tried to buy me for a base of operations.

34\. Don't ask.

35\. I am not allowed to running around on the streets offering knighthood to who knows what.

36\. According to England, knighthood is a sacred title only offered to the bravest and most couragest people.

37\. Hey! That was hot dog man was courageous by tasting my hot dog for poison!

38\. (...ignoring the fact that he was rolling his eyes.)

39\. The micronations and I cannot have our own FIFA World Cup.

40\. I kicked Kugelmugel's butt by the way!

41\. I cannot steal Christiana's cannabis.

42\. BLECH! How does he smoke that stuff?!

43\. *hurls*

44\. I cannot steal England's binoculars right before he goes bird watching.

45\. Even if he really needs to get a life besides cooking poison and bird watching.

46\. I am not allowed to dress up punk with the Nordics when they go to heavy metal concerts.

47\. *pouts* But I look amazing in this heavy eyeliner!

48\. I cannot laugh when Sweden spells six.

49\. Denmark laughs too! :[

50\. I cannot go more than a week without showering.

51\. Showers are limited at my place, so who can blame me?

52\. I cannot brag about how I have more Facebook likes than Liechtenstein has citizens.

53\. Because Switzerland would most likely go on a man hunt for me.

54\. I cannot pounce on Molossia when he's drinking.

55\. DRINKING IS NOT ALLOWED IN THE PRINCIPALITY OF SEALAND!

56\. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

57\. Okay, I'll admit: that didn't end well.

58\. When visiting Molossia, I am not allowed bring any incandescent light bulbs with me.

59\. I wonder why...

60\. I cannot purposely try to guile new countries into eating England's cooking.

61\. After Tajikistan nearly died, we had to put up this rule..

62\. I cannot go skydiving with America.

63\. Mountain climbing is also forbidden.

64\. Not to mention bungee jumping.

65\. I sent Sweden and Finland a picture and they nearly fainted.

66\. Jeez, I'm not that fragile...

67\. I cannot steal England's cooking to make my homemade rat poison.

68\. What? It's cheaper and works just as well as the ones you buy at the store!~

69\. I cannot ask why older countries giggle at this number.

70\. I cannot call England Bastard Brows.

71\. Or bacon brows.

72\. I'll leave that to Prussia.

73\. And India.

74\. And Ireland.

75\. And the two dozen other countries that hate England with a burning passion.

76\. I cannot shout out Yahtzee within Germany's earshot.

77\. He will crawl into a ball and start muttering, "Never forget, never repeat" over and over.

78\. ...

79\. I am not allowed to substitute for any Social Studies teachers and teach the students all about Sealand.

80\. And then have everybody throw an enormous celebration in honor of the Principality of Sealand.

81\. I WAS SO CLOSE THAT ONE TIME.

82\. SO CLOSE!

83\. *crying*

84\. Accepting free Wi-Fi from shady looking people is not allowed.

85\. But I need my Facebook!

86\. Going through Hungary's website is ill advised.

87\. My melted eyes beg you to stay away.

88\. I am not allowed to go around shouting "I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING SEALAND YO".

89\. Specifically in public.

90\. Especially in public.

91\. I cannot kill anyone that calls me SeaWorld.

92\. Just because I'm on a boat doesn't mean I'm an amusement park!

93\. Hungary and I cannot set anyone on a blind date with France.

94\. Specifically Switzerland.

95\. Especially Switzerland.

96\. I must learn respect.

97\. Especially respect towards these rules and guidelines.

98\. And especially towards other nations.

99\. (Excluding England)

100\. Because he's a Bastard Brows.

* * *

**Okay, so there are A LOT of SATW references here. *rolls off and dies***

**35: Sealand has been publicly offering knighthood since 2012.**

**41-42: In Christiana, cannabis is legalized there but they've recently been cracking down on the problem.**

**49-49: In Sweden, six is spelled sex. Many other nordics like laugh at this but this often creates misunderstandings.**

**50-51: Since fresh water is limited in Sealand, showers are also limited.**

**58-59: In Molossia, incandescent light bulbs are banned.**


	20. Cyprus

**GOTTA GO FAST**

**FASTER**

**GOTTA GO FAST**

**FASTER FASTER FASTER**

**ENJOY THIS CHAPPIE AND MY ALL IN CAPS INTRO**

* * *

100 things I, Cyprus, cannot do.

1\. Okay, first things first.

2\. I am NOT Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus.

3\. That is my younger brother.

4\. Second, I am NOT Egypt.

5\. He's just a close bud of mine.

6\. Got it?

7\. Good, now this actual list can start.

8\. I cannot lock Greece and Turkey together in a room to get them stop fighting each other.

9\. Because it won't help anything.

10\. In fact, it will probably just make things worse.

11\. Locking them up together while both of them are drunk won't make much of a difference.

12\. You don't want to know what happened.

13\. I cannot steal Greece's cat when he calls me 'playground of the gods'.

14\. Look, that was a long time ago! I didn't know what the heck was going on because I was a kid back then!

15\. *pouts*

16\. I cannot ask TRNC for us to become one again.

17\. Even if I say please.

18\. Or pretty please.

19\. I cannot brag about how my wine brand, Commandria, is the oldest in the world.

20\. Because other nations will stand up furiously and challenge me.

21\. And that won't end well.

22\. Besides, I would win the wine brawl anyway.

23\. Heck, King Richard the Lionhearted even said it tasted amazing!

24\. Trying to get TRNC and Sealand to get along won't end well.

25\. It will most likely result in the death of someone.

26\. Like me.

27\. (It's probably going to be me)

28\. I must learn to stop reminiscing about the past.

29\. Even if I once was the wealthiest nation in the world...

30\. I cannot ask Poland if he's sure he's a boy.

31\. He'll chase me around on his infamous pink pony.

32\. Or dye my hair pink.

33\. Note to self: I do not look good with pink hair.

34\. I cannot kick Turkey into a closet when he dresses up in his Ottoman Empire outfit.

35\. Or when he starts a bonfire in the Meeting Room to cook kebabs.

36\. Or when he dyes Greece's hair red with a white crescent moon and star.

37\. ...I feel like a damn babysitter.

38\. Accessing Hungary's website is not healthy for me or my sanity.

39\. Nor is it good for my eyes.

40\. When Turkey is fasting for Ramadan, I must restrain him when Greece decides to tease him eating his favorite sweets in his face.

41\. But even I have to admit that was pretty funny.

42\. But it wasn't funny when I nearly broke my arms trying to stop Turkey from killing Greece!

43\. I must not give any sensitive details about Greece and Turkey to Hungary.

44\. No matter how much money she offers.

45\. Because Turkey and Greece would get along for once and hunt me down together.

46\. I cannot tell Sweden that he looks like a dick on the map.

47\. Because I would most likely to perish.

48\. Again.

49\. I cannot refer to Denmark as 'Legoland'.

50\. Actually, he wouldn't even mind it.

51\. It's Greece and Norway that have a problem with it.

52\. I cannot ask Iceland about that one time he had that weird dream about Turkey.

53\. (See 25-27)

54\. I CANNOT even think of telling Turkey this.

55\. Because Iceland would have my head.

56\. Along with Norway.

57\. Mentioning how you can rent out Liechtenstein for only 70,000 dollars a day to America is a terrible idea.

58\. Because he would attempt to rent her out.

59\. And then England would get mad at me for further trapping the American in his pit of debt.

60\. And then Switzerland would be angry at me for mentioning it to America in the first place.

61\. I cannot facepalm myself too hard when America asks me if I am called Cyprus because my main export is cypress trees.

62\. *FACEPALM*

63\. ...Really?!

64\. When Turkey smokes Hookah, I cannot mention to him that Hookah is actually no safer than smoking cigarettes and hookah smokers may actually absorb more toxic substances than cigarette smokers.

65\. He really needs to stop...

66\. I cannot kick Turkey into a closet when he starts bragging about how natural black roses are only found in Turkey.

67\. Or when he starts bragging about how the most beautiful horse in the world is Turkish.

68\. Wow, there are a lot of closets conveniently around here for me to kick him into.

69\. I must restrain Turkey when he makes jokes about this number.

70\. ...Why do I always have to restrain him?

71\. Whenever Japan starts exhibiting Paris Syndrome, I must get Greece immediately for help.

72\. Last time was not pretty.

73\. He started hallucinating that everyone was a famous model out to kill him and had to be sent back to Tokyo.

74\. Note to self: Japan's hallucinations can be pretty gory.

75\. I cannot tell anyone that Greece believed that at one point, redheads would become vampires when they died.

76\. *Snicker*

77\. So... How about I tell Ireland that Greece?

78\. Any offers made by China to taste his "Obama Fried Chicken" shall be declined.

79\. I'm scared now..

80\. If America ever says the words, "Birthday", "Minnesota", "Tank", and "Smash" in the same sentence, the wisest choice would be to get out of the room immediately.

81\. When Germany gives a 30 minute speech about not wasting time, I am not allowed to try to break the table in an attempt to get him to stop.

82\. But really...

83\. The irony.

84\. When France starts talking about how love is more important than money, I cannot ask him if he's ever tried paying his bills with a hug.

85\. Well? Have you?

86\. My economy sucks...

87\. I am not allowed to lecture TRNC about his new casino tourism.

88\. Prostitutes! Do you know what this means brother?!

89\. Shame!

90\. I cannot ask England if he was the most successful pirate there ever was.

91\. Because China would pop up behind me and tell me the most successful pirate ever was a Chinese woman who controlled over 1,500 vessels and had 80,000 sailors under her command.

92\. And than England would take that as an insult to his pirate dignity.

93\. And provoke a fight.

94\. The greatest fight ever, that is.

95\. I cannot feel depressed when I think about TRNC's separation.

96\. Poor little boy...

97\. He's so young, but he's already been through hell...

98\. "..."

99\. Having stated this thoroughly throughout this list, I must remember because I am one of the few sane nations, I have a duty to keeps tabs on less than mentally sane nations.

100\. What th- NO STRIPPING FRANCE!

* * *

**13-15: According to Ancient Cypriot legend, Cyprus was where the goddess Aphrodite was born, emerging from the waters. While Cyprus does recall it, Greece likes make perverted jokes about how Cyprus lost his innocence that way since Aphrodite was nude as she emerged. XD**

**19: The Cypriot wine brand Commandaria** **is oldest existing wine brand today. It's so old that it was around when Richard the Lion hearted was alive! (Coincidentally, Richard had his wedding at Cyprus)**

**28-29: Cyprus was once the wealthiest nation in the world due to its large copper reserves.**

**57-60: You can rent out the entire country of Liechtenstein for the low, low price of 70,000 dollars a day.**

**64-65: This is true.**

**66: This is true, again.**

**67: WHOA TRUE**

**71-74: Japanese tourists who visit Paris sometimes have to be sent back to Japan because of extreme shock known as Paris Syndrome. This may happen from being completely unprepared for the reality of Paris not being the greatest city like its shown to be in Japanese media. Some say this occurs from feelings of prejudice because of both language barriers and cultural barriers.**

**75-77: Ancient Greeks believed that Redheads would become vampires after they died.**

**78-79: Obama fried chicken is actually a thing in China. **

**80: In Minnesota, you can drive a tank for your birthday or wedding anywhere you'd like. They also allow smashing with it.**

**87-89: Northern Cyprus has a significant casino tourism, compared to South Cyprus's ban on them. This has also fostered a sex tourism industry as well.**


	21. Germany

**Omff**

**I'm so sorry for being inactive recently, but honestly, for a while, I lost inspiration for this story. That's kind of the reason why I've been posting chaps on other fics, focusing on other stories. I've also been practicing my art and fleshing out my own story and fantasy universe, that i'm building with my friend. It's also been pretty crazy for me, tests and track tryouts. But, I looked back at al the wonderful reviews this story has gotten and decided to return to this. So here's Germany! At last!**

* * *

**100 things I, Germany, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot give other nations a half hour speech about wasting time.

2\. Because Cyprus would attempt to break the table.

3\. And France would strip in protest.

4\. Spain would shout at everybody to admire his butt instead of paying attention to me.

5\. But then again, the irony.

6\. I cannot mistake Yahtzee for Nazi.

7\. ...please refrain from asking.

8\. I cannot launch into a rage speech whenever someone mentions Scientology.

9\. They don't deserve to be recognized as a religion!

10\. They're an abusive business masquerading as a religion!

11\. *pouts*

12\. I must punish Austria when he attempt to barbecue Gilbird.

13\. The same can be said when Prussia attempts to carve a dildo out Austria's violin.

14\. I must take away Prussia's laptop when he declares himself king of Sealand.

15\. Or queen of Sealand.

16\. Or drag queen of Sealand.

17\. You get the idea.

18\. I cannot pinch the bridge of my nose too hard when Prussia makes beer and wurst puns.

19\. ...No examples are provided for the sake of my mental health.

20\. I must remember to hide my BDSM collection carefully.

21\. I didn't say anything.

22\. I must mediate any disputes between Prussia and Bavaria.

23\. Because if I don't, it will result in a corpse.

24\. And empty beer mugs.

25\. Lots of empty beer mugs.

26\. I cannot drink too much beer.

27\. Even if beer is life.

28\. This rule is especially important when attending Oktoberfest.

29\. I cannot leave Prussia alone in the house for more than week.

30\. Because he would throw an enormous party.

31\. And I would end up having to pay the damage costs.

32\. If America enters the meeting room on a wrecking ball, the wisest choice would be to remain silent and ask no questions.

33\. Crazy Americans...

34\. Do not, DO NOT, ever look at Hungary's website.

35\. Side effects include, but are not limited to: blood loss, fainting, seizures, loss of sanity, and/or death.

36\. Don't say I didn't warn you.

37\. German Sparkle Parties are never a good idea.

38\. Especially with Prussia.

39\. The same can be applied to German Sparkle Mondays.

40\. When America starts complaining about how Oktoberfest doesn't start in October and how annoying it is, the best way to silence him is with gummy bears.

41\. Well, I did invent them...

42\. I cannot be obsessively punctual.

43\. Hm? You were exactly FIVE minutes late!

44\. Shameful!

45\. Well, unless you got dragged down by the Deutsche Bahn...

46\. The damn Deutsche Bahn...

47\. I cannot call America's bread terrible.

48\. What? This is true, to me.

49\. (Blech...)

50\. I am not allowed to tell America to shut up when he's babbling about how awesome it is that so much of American culture is derived from Germany.

51\. I find this rather ironic, considering the fact that I'm actually younger than him.

52\. When drunk Prussia starts laughing about how America had a crush on him when he first met the toddler fighting for his independence, I must keep in mind to quickly silence him and drag him far, far away.

53\. When Prussia buys a pole and starts paying Finland to pole dance, the same measures from 52 shall be applied.

54\. For the love of god and all that is holy...

55\. Finland is actually pretty good at poledancing...

56\. If Saxony and Prussia start to bitch- I mean, argue over some pointless thing that happened hundreds of years ago, beer is the answer.

57\. Even though beer is always the answer.

58\. Any mentions of "Springtime for Hitler" will be forcibly silenced with my whip.

59\. And it is NOT the sexy innuendo kind, France.

60\. When India and China are fighting each other (again), deploy Iran to get them to calm the old geezers down.

61\. And don't even get me started when the two Ancients started arguing over elephants and pandas.

62\. I cannot leave America in charge of the World Meeting when I'm gone.

63\. When I came back from my coffee break, everybody was dressed in costumes from their place.

64\. ..._female_ costumes.

65\. According to Italy, apparently America announced it "National Crossdressing Day" and whipped out a bunch of traditional costumes from everywhere.

66\. ...I saw America dressed in a green slime costume.

67\. What.

68\. I suddenly feel like someone's made a dirty joke about me and that costume.

69\. Anyone who jokes about this number will be released in the same room with a hyper Italy.

70\. Italy actually is a great torture device.

71\. I cannot call Hungary to beat up Prussia when he pulls out a small wurst and says it's a life size replica of my manhood.

72\. Not even when Prussia pretends to be a moose.

73\. I cannot talk about the World Cup game when I owned Brazil's ass.

74\. Especially if Prussia is there.

75\. Prussia would start chanting "Germany flies, Brazil cries".

76\. Then the said Brazilian would get mad.

77\. And unleash the full force of his capoeira attacks.

78\. On us.

79\. I cannot let Denmark play with giant Legos during a World Meeting.

80\. He built a giant Lego bridge at my place...

81\. Mentioning how I, during my 47 years as the German Empire, won more Nobel Prizes than France, Britain, Russia, and the USA combined is not a wise decision.

82\. I must remember not to freak out when Denmark decides to tighten up his security a little bit.

83\. How could you do this Denmark!

84\. I thought we were friends!

85\. ...I am really paranoid.

86\. I am not allowed to leave Prussia alone with Austria's piano.

87\. Because he would start banging on it with a dildo and shout that he's Mozart.

88\. And then I would have scrape his blood off of Austria's piano.

89\. I cannot tell Prussia that his manhood is not 5 meters long.

90\. I will not look at Hungary's fanfiction.

91\. Things like this are why I drink...

92\. Fuck me upside down with rusty rake...

93\. Because random nations keep on bursting on G8 meetings, I must remember to get better security measures in the place.

94\. Why do these people keep on showing up at our G8 meetings uninvited!?

95\. I thought being one of the most powerful nations in the world meant that I wouldn't have to deal this kind of shit.

96\. But apparently not.

97\. I will, in all my best efforts, not disobey any of these rules (unlike previous nations who have been forced to write these lists), because I have seen too many horrendous fanfics and other things in this world.

98\. And as a side note, never look in Japan's bookshelf.

99\. Note to people: Japan's manga portraying me is awful.

100\. Now excuse me, I shall now douse myself in gasoline and attend America's and Hong Kong's fireworks show because that is the only way I can find peace of mind after that mind melting manga.

* * *

**So, I didn't write his accent in there because it would make it fucking hard to read. I was able to play around with this a lot more because Germany is one of the more well known countries. (Not to mention more stereotypes XD) Lots of research was put into this, please review!**

**8-11: The German government refuses to recognize Scientology as an official religion. 10 is actually what they officially label Scientology as.**

**40-41: Contrary to popular belief, Oktoberfest actually starts in September. A German invented gummy bears, as an explanation for 41.**

**42-46: Germans are very punctual, there's even a saying that says better to be 30 minutes early than 5 minutes late. The ****Deutsche Bahn** **is a railway system based in Germany, with its headquarters in Berlin. ****For some reason, in the land of punctuality, the Deutsche Bahn is never fully reliable. All the Germans will excuse you for being late if your lateness was caused by it, since they all seemed united in their hatred of it. XD **

**47-49: The Germans take their bread very seriously, there's a bakery on nearly every street. But you really can't blame them, the bread is delicious!**

**50-51: If you think about it, Germany is ACTUALLY younger than America. Germany was created in 1871 as the German Empire as way to unite all the German states into one massive ass-kicking machine while America's been around since the 1600s.**

**52: Taken from _stirringwind_, my idol XD. America and Prussia met each other when Alfred was fighting for independence. So _stirringwind's_ headcanon is that Alfred probably had a crush on Prussia since he was everything that he desired to be- strong, powerful, and disciplined. Gil was probably a bit freaked out since Al was like a baby in comparison to his own age, but now, he finds it absolutely hilarious, something to gab about when he's hardcore drunk.**

**66: The green slime costume is one of Lady Gaga's many zany show costumes. LOL.**

**73-78: During FIFA 2014, Germany kicked Brazil's ass, winning 7 against 1. O-O. Capoeira is a form of Brazilian martial arts, devised by African slaves in Brazil as a way of self defense.**

**81: This is actually true. 0-0**

**82-84: Yes, another reference towards SATW. Haven't done one of those in quite a while!**

**You can probably see in the last few I started referencing more and more towards the fact that Germany is the mascot for _fuckyeahshittyhetaliaocs._ Seriously, how do random nations(sues in many, many terrible fanfictions) just burst into highly important meetings without any guards or security measures? **


	22. China

**I'll admit, some favoritism was involved. I actually worked on this before this Fic was posted and I left it off when I figured out I could post this on fanfic net. I finished alot faster than you would expect, but I had to post the nations who have birthdays before him. Please enjoy!**

* * *

**100 things, I, China, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot mention the Opium War within earshot of Hong Kong and/or England.

2\. I should probably stop thinking about the Opium War all together.

3\. I cannot cook a banquet for everyone at the World Meeting anymore without a good reason.

4\. "Because I want to" is not good reason.

5\. I cannot bully everyone into taking fifths at my banquets either.

6\. Germany will get angry.

7\. I cannot wrestle India on the Meeting table.

8\. Especially when Hungary is there.

9\. I will not talk about the time Mongolia and I had a political marriage.

10\. Why am I even calling it a marriage?

11\. I cannot call America 'trade surplus'.

12\. Even if he calls me 'credit card'.

13\. ...What? You have to admit, that's a pretty accurate depiction of our relations.

14\. I cannot hit France with my wok.

15\. Even if he kept on making jokes about my gender.

16\. I cannot park on the sidewalk when there is no more parking space.

17\. Even if I say it's perfectly acceptable at my place.

18\. I cannot disturb Tibet when he is meditating.

19\. He will stab me with a candle.

20\. I should not look in Japan's bookshelf.

21\. No comment.

22\. I should never let S. Korea in my Forbidden city..

23\. Or Russia.

24\. Or France.

25\. I should not gamble with Macau.

26\. He would win.

27\. And then I would be broke.

28\. I should not force feed N. Korea.

29\. Even if he is far too skinny.

30\. When America and England argue over tea, I am not allowed to call them 'un-cultured savages'.

31\. ...I have been brewing and enjoying this treat before those two idiots were shitting their diapers... *smirk*

32\. I cannot hit Tibet with my wok when he asks if his Dalai Lama can come back.

33\. I told you, no!

34\. I cannot hide in my underwater city to evade America.*

35\. I can mess with my currency rate all I want!

36\. I cannot tie my hair to ceiling whenever I am doing stressful work.

37\. Even if it prevents me from falling asleep on the job.

38\. It creeps other nations out.

39\. I cannot go to Taiwan's house whenever I don't want to pay for my wifi.

40\. She finds it annoying.

41\. I cannot complain to North Korea about his rule of only being able to choose out of 28 government approved hairstyles.

42\. Even if it rather dull.

43\. I should not mention the Korean War at all.

44\. It brings back bad memories for the Koreas, and for me too.

45\. I cannot tackle India whenever he pours paint on me powder on his Holi holiday.

46\. Even if he completely deserved it.

47\. The other nations would agree.

48\. I cannot build a Chinatown in the conference room.

49\. Even if it could use a new style.

50\. I cannot beat America with Wok whenever I see him.

51\. He owes 1.3 trillion to me, aru!

52\. I cannot buy hello kitty contact lenses from Japan.

53\. They scare the micro nations.

54\. I wonder why...

55\. I cannot command my pandas to maul Russia's Russian Bear dogs.

56\. They're over 200 pounds and they hunt bears.

57\. I should avoid Russia all together for that matter...

58\. I cannot mention Pakistan whenever I'm within 500 feet of India.

59\. He already knows that Pakistan hates him.

60\. I just like to rub it in his face that he likes me and hates him.

61\. I cannot smash my limbs and head on the meeting room's walls out of frustration.

62\. I will break the walls every time I do this.

63\. I cannot help Japan harpoon Russia.

64\. On the second thought, I should.

65\. Since Japan would be the one who would get caught.

66\. And I would be spared from Russia's wrath.

67\. Apologies Japan...

68\. I cannot injure America when he screams, "KUNG FU PANDA!"

69\. I will show him true Kung Fu...

70\. I cannot show S. Korea the 'Made in China' tag whenever he claims something originated in Korea.

71\. He will start whining loudly.

72\. And nobody will want that.

73\. I cannot call myself Panda Hero.

74\. Even though I am.

75\. America claiming that 29 percent of the air pollution in San Francisco comes from me is not a liable excuse to hit him.

76\. What? He is lying!

77\. ...is he?

78\. When Hong Kong attempts to show me Facebook, I cannot say, "Facebook? Why don't you face book and study?"

79\. ...I really am old.

80\. I cannot mistake fanservice images to be the official image for a movie.

81\. No, I am not talking about me using a Loki x Thor poster for the official movie poster at the theater, heh!

82\. Shut up America.

83\. When a nation is complaining about how lonely he is, I cannot offer to let him rent a girlfriend at a price for $31 a week.

84\. She'll make you a sandwich a night for an extra 5 dollars!

85\. I cannot tell America that they mine for skittles in my rainbow mountains.

86\. Because he will take that seriously.

87\. And literally attempt to mine skittle in my rainbow mountains.

88\. Eating the rock dust is not good idea America!

89\. He didn't listen...

90\. Children these days...

91\. Iran, India, Armenia, Ethiopia, and I cannot have our own 'Old geezers' meeting to complain about the brats of this age.

92\. The little children are so whiny compared to thousands of years ago...

93\. I cannot look at other nations creepily.

94\. They say I look sadistic.

95\. Especially America.

96\. Ah, the little ignorant fool... Does he know he is but mayflies to me?

97\. I will wonder if he will endure, or will he burn brightly, brilliantly, and then turn back into dust?

98\. Only time will tell. From the looks of it, my 4000+ lifespan has plans of continuing.

99\. I swear follow all of these rules, if otherwise, I should expect no more cooking supplies funneled to me when I am traveling.

100\. Now that that's done... Where's my wok?

* * *

**16-17: When I went to China, there were literally people parking EVERYWHERE. Someone even parked in front of the building's front door I was staying in.**

**30-31: Look them up and you'll see what I mean.**

**32-33: In 1950, China took over Tibet and the Dalai Lama was forced to flee the country when he was 19.**

**34: China actually does have a city perfectly preserved that's buried in an artificial lake.**

**36: Many Chinese students do this to prevent falling asleep.**

**39-40: Taiwan has made a policy to give everyone and tourists free wifi in their nation. That is where I'm going.**

**41: this is true.**

**52: Again, true.**

**55-56: GUESS WHAT! TRUE!**

**75-76: T-R-U-E.**

**80-81: *facepalm* ...they actually did that.**

**83-84: Not sure if 84 is accurate, but that sounds like something they'd do. 83 definitely is true. **

**93-98: So I got this from _stirringwind _on tumblr. So a headcanon is that China sometimes looks at other nations creepily because in his old age, he's seen many empires rise and fall, so he looks at them as squabbling children, and they all soon will fall. Yandere china is actually very historically accurate, if you take China's brutal history into account. Don't fall for his goofy elder act- he could rip out your throat anytime he'd ever wish to. That's why the other Asians are a bit uncomfortable spending _too_ much time with him- they don't forget the powerful and ruthless empire he was that demanded tribute from all of them.**


	23. Taiwan

**A new chappie at last! So here is beloved Taiwan! I developed on her a little bit more, I like to think she has a short temper because she constantly has to put up with China's shenanigans and the rest of Asia. NOTE: There are a lot of references towards the fact that PRC refuses to recognize Taiwan and forces the rest of the world to call her Chinese Taipei. PS, I'll be answering anon questions here from now on! If you're here to say something negative, don't bother logging out and reviewing as an anon, I'm not a very aggressive person on here and I will always try to understand your point of view.**

**"Please write PAKISTAN!**

**\- Pakistani's like Bollywood- but ours has a cooler name BD**

**\- Pakistani women are badass we have a women's squad to fight the Taliban and we have a lot more freedom to fight for our country**

**\- we're really freaking smart, we have the youngest Nobel prize winner malala**

**\- we're awesome at textiles and machinery- anything really**

**\- KASHMIR BELONGS TO PAKISTAN NOT INDIA, K2 IS OURS**

**\- he'd hate India and love China**

**\- he'd probably have a habit of saying yaar and hai**

**\- pakistan is really freaking young, only about 60/70 years old**

**\- please do not make him an oldie with a beard 'n' stuff**

**\- his accent isn't Indian, he just pronounces his T's and D's softly**

**\- don't look up Pakistani accents cause those aren't really accurate**

**\- he and India fight. A lot. Once Russia had to interfere**

**\- we're really proud of our leader. Muhammad Ali Jinnah**

**I'm not Pakistani, I'm american but I wish I was. I had to ask my Pakistani friend subtly to get her opinion for these"**

**I'd love to write Pakistan's list! However, currently, I'm trying to flesh out my own oc and I'm a little nervous on how other readers would react. Some people might hate it because my version might be different from their own or I might do something offensive. I take great care in my ocs however and that's why they usually take so long to come out. Another note, I don't write character's accents down because, one, it makes it impossible to read (SWEDEN ACCENT WRITERS I'M LOOKING AT YOU HERE), and two, if you're in this fandom, you should be obsessed enough that you heaar the characters' voices all the time. JK, but really, they're really inefficient. (Although I would imagine Pakistan to be much older than 60s or 70s, like 800s to 900s. Don't worry, I don't see him as a oldie with beard and everything.)**

**"For #80-81, could you tell me where you found that out? I just want to see an image of it."**

**Here's the link anon! /post/96883204747/funny-movie-posters.**

**BTW, I think I'll be really slow for updates for a while since the end of the year exams are coming up soon and I'm already super stressed out. My teachers have decided to help us by giving huge projects to do, so yeah. T-T. Just a heads up for you guys, I'll still answer questions and stuff, don't worry!**

* * *

1\. Yay! Me at last!

2\. I cannot call America the United States of Meddling.

3\. No matter how true this may be.

4\. I cannot give China the finger when he calls me Chinese Taipei.

5\. For the last time, why can't I be my own nation?!

6\. I cannot punch America when he calls me Thailand.

7\. See? This is why I wanted to call him that at No 1!

8\. I cannot call China and India "Old as Balls".

9\. (Refer back to Rule 3)

10\. I cannot tell China that I worry sometimes if his ancient dick ever break off during intense banging.

11\. Nor may I tell this to Ethiopia.

12\. Or any nation older than 2,000 years.

13\. Hong Kong and I cannot set off fireworks in China's bed.

14\. He freaked out and destroyed the walls.

15\. And he ended up making us pay the damage costs.

16\. I cannot spend all my time on tumblr instead of attending world meetings.

17\. Even if Tumblr art is better than listening to China yammer on about how people shouldn't recognize me as a country.

18\. I am not allowed to put fireworks in America's hat when he says my uniforms look stupid.

19\. Coming from someone who wears glowing blue sunglasses and chrome green shorts, that's quite offensive.

20\. I cannot freak out at the sight of rain.

21\. EXCUSE ME?! I can't put on my body size, special material poncho for the rain?!

22\. (Ignoring the fact that it takes fifteen seconds to walk from the bathroom to the Meeting place...)

23\. I cannot take America to my parks.

24\. Apparently, he thinks it's weird that I have bats flying freely around my parks.

25\. He tried hit them with his baseball bat...

26\. Once again, the damage costs were on me.

27\. I cannot pin extensions onto Hong Kong's hair while he's asleep and style it into girly ponytails.

28\. Taking pictures is definitely forbidden.

29\. I cannot take photos with people and enlarge our eyes into manga eyes.

30\. Vietnam says it's creepy.

31\. I say it's 'kawaii'.

32\. I am not allowed to go around selling pearl milk tea to everyone in the meeting.

33\. China claims that I'm taking away his customers for his sweets.

34\. I cannot sarcastically say, "Again?!" when Japan says his prime minister has changed... again.

35\. Will the revolving door of Japanese Prime ministers ever stop? Find out in the next season!

36\. ...Seriously though, will it ever stop?

37\. I cannot kick South Korea in the crotch when he attempts to 'hug' me.

38\. I did that to China once when I was a kid and he stopped funneling money and supplies to me.

39\. For a whole MONTH.

40\. (The old geezer's quite cruel, you know)

41\. (Don't tell me you didn't!)

42\. When China celebrates his birthday, I am not allowed to put "YOU'RE REALLY OLD" candles in the cake.

43\. Hey, we don't have enough space on the cake to put 4,000+ candles on it.

44\. I also cannot give China a Life Alert necklace thingy as a present.

45\. No matter how funny it is.

46\. I cannot autocorrect 'dog' to 'dong' on South Korea's phone.

47\. Nor may I autocorrect 'walking' to 'wanging'.

48\. The last two rules especially apply if I bribe Hong Kong to hack into South Korea's phone and send me the screenshots.

49\. I cannot start talking about how Pearl Milk tea is the best kind of tea.

50\. Especially in the middle of a World Meeting.

51\. Because I will most likely start a huge tea brawl.

52\. Like last time.

53\. America was yelling about iced tea like a buffoon, England was talking about how American iced tea was like liquid diabetes, Pakistan and India were arguing whether masala chai or noon chai was better, and China was just sitting there, drinking his green tea like it was no one's business.

54\. Much time was wasted that day.

55\. But the photos Hong Kong and I got were awesome.

56\. Especially once we posted them on tumblr.

57\. I cannot offer therapy to Japan for his salt addiction.

58\. Germany tried to put him on that diet once and we all saw how well that went.

59\. I cannot look at Prussia's blog.

60\. Nor may I turn into a magical girl video sharing site.

61\. I cannot tell China that his anime characters are not original.

62\. No matter how trashy they are.

63\. Attempting to re-style China's hair is never a good idea.

64\. I cannot tell China he knows nothing about copyright.

65\. He knows nothing about copyright.

66\. I cannot help Hong Kong draw on China's face when he's asleep.

67\. No matter how fun it is.

68\. I cannot record China saying Aiyaa and replay the tape over and over.

69\. I cannot allow Hong Kong to draw this number all over the Meeting walls.

70\. (See 67)

71\. I cannot ask Denmark why he's such a tiny country compared to the other Nordics.

72\. Nor may I remind him how tiny he would be without Greenland.

73\. I cannot ask where Lazytown is in Iceland.

74\. That would not end well.

75\. I should really stop annoying the Nordics.

76\. I cannot bitchslap China when he complains about me still using traditional Chinese.

77\. I cannot be suprised when there is not a 7-11 everywhere.

78\. How?! How do you people survive without a 7-11 on every street?

79\. I cannot tell China that I have a Hello Kitty themed hospital.

80\. I think the reason is obvious.

81\. I cannot tell China that Hello Kitty is actually male.

82\. Japan told me himself!

83\. I cannot ask China what is the point of his Hamburger University.

84\. Is the old geezer kissing up to that blonde idiot?

85\. Oi...

86\. I cannot talk about getting a tattoo from Nokia.

87\. It vibrates when my phone rings!

88\. We truly have reached the golden age.

89\. I cannot call Leonardo DiCaprio as "Pikachu".

90\. That is not his real name.

91\. I blame that stupid news anchor.

92\. I cannot complain about having to be called Chinese Taipei at the Olympics.

93\. China's veto power is indeed strong...

94\. Hong Kong and I cannot dress in crazy clothes and start singing Thrift Shop for the sole purpose of annoying China.

95\. (See 67)

96\. When China complains about me leaving behind so much trouble, I cannot call him a hypocrite.

97\. He's been doing the exact same thing over and over for his 4,000+ lifespan...

98\. Following these rules is an absolute must.

99\. Especially since they kicked me out of the UN.

100\. But I just ran out of fucks to give. Sorry.

* * *

**6-7: Many Americans often mix up Thailand with Taiwan due to similar beginnings. I kind of find it ridiculous to mix it up over and over because they are quite different if you really look at culture and history.**

**18-19: I took a look at Taiwan's uniforms and they're rather different than what a western nation would be used to in uniforms. For one, they're rather bright and quite snazzy in their color schemes. But they do look a lot more comfortable than our ugly green, stiff collared vests in the states LOL.**

**20-22: So I've done some research on this, and apparently the Taiwanese become scared at the sight of rain. According to this one person who taught at Taiwan, this would happen often: "They'd literally wait inside the building until they were all outfitted with ponchos so they could walk the ten seconds it took to get from the schoolhouse to the cafeteria. Literally ten seconds." Continuing on, the writer said it was because of the acid rain, which is quite understandable.**

**34-36: From what I've heard, the Japanese prime ministers come and go at a very fast pace.**

**32-33: Pearl milk tea was invented in Taiwan, I believe, and is very popular there.**

**44: The Life Alert necklace thingy is a sort of device that elderly people have in case they get into a position where they are unable to get help themselves; they push a button on it and directs them to the emergency hotline for them to state their emergency.**

**71-72: Denmark, in Europe, is really tiny, but due to the fact that Greenland is part of Denmark, they are the largest country in Western Europe.**

**73-74: Lazytown is an Icelandic show.**

**76: Taiwan is the last country in the world still using traditional Chinese.**

**77-78: taiwan has the highest density of convenience stores in the world. 7-11 is extremely popular there because of the Japanese owners that bought the company from its American owners in 1991 and because Taiwanese 7-11s offer services that American ones don't, such as paying bills, getting a bus pass, printing photos and documents, and lots more.**

**79-80: This is true, everything in that hospital has Hello Kitty on it, from the workers' uniforms to the infants' towels.**

**81-82: HOLY- This is true. In Japanese society, it isn't uncommon for males to play the role of females.**

**83-84: McDonald's HAmburger university in China is harder to get into than Harvard, like you might already know, but what is the point of it?**

**86-88: This is true, nokia has invented a tattoo that vibrates when your phone rings.**

**89-91: I'm not sure if this applies towards everyone, but people called Leonardo Dicaprio Pikachu after a news anchor couldn't pronounce his name.**


	24. Austria

**Haha, it's hard to believe it's been one year since I posted this story on and I'm still so far away from completing this fic. This chapter was slightly harder to complete because a lot of things were going on while I was writing this chapter so I got distracted often and when I did try to write, I was unmotivated and uninspired (shame in me for being such a lazy arse!) I want to thank you all so much for waiting so long for an update, and also for being such awesome peeps! Anon questions time!**

"_**What about Reykjavik's Penis Museum? (yes, there really is such a thing in Reykjavik, Iceland"**_

**Haha, yes dear anon, I've heard of that from SATW. I love how they call it The Phallological Museum instead of just outright saying "Iceland's fucking penis museum". XD**

**For Austria, I probably used Cadaska's comics more than I should… But they honestly are great resources, check them out yourself if you haven't seen them.**

* * *

**100 things I, Austria, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot slap America for laughing at my town Fucking.

2\. France has a town named Pussy!

3\. I cannot be proud of the fact that young Austrians are number one when it comes to excessive drinking.

4\. I'd like to thank God, my ex-wife, my ex-husbands, my people, and my government for keeping the alcohol tax rates low!

5\. (Yes, I have ex-husbands. More than one. I've had enough marriages for a lifetime.)

6\. I cannot fight over petty things.

7\. Especially a sausage.

8\. I INVENTED THE SAUSAGE SLOVENIA, WE ALL KNOW THAT!

9\. Complaining about Eurovision will get me nowhere.

10\. NO POINTS FOR ME?! I PLAYED CLASSY MUSIC FOR YOU AND TRIED TO MAKE EUROVISION AS SANE AS POSSIBLE AND YOU GIVE ME **NO** POINTS?! I CANNOT POSSIBLY BELIEVE THAT IS CONSIDERED GOOD GUESTS' ETIQUETTE AT YOUR PLACES!

11\. I cannot call Netherlands a sea monkey.

12\. What? He practically lives underwater!

13\. He dug most of his land out from the sea…

14\. I cannot call Turkey a poopy head.

15\. It's immature.

16\. Not to mention, I have much better insults in my arsenal.

17\. I cannot try to ice-skate by myself.

18\. Switzerland says I'm absolutely rubbish at this sport.

19\. I really can't argue with him here…

20\. I cannot leave Switzerland alone with cutlery of any form.

21\. ...I had to send him to the hospital after he stabbed himself with a fork.

22._ Again._

23\. When attending the International Christmas party, I cannot hang my little figures made out of meringue.

24\. They will attract animals.

25\. And humans.

26\. And then we'd be really dead.

27\. I must restrain Hungary when she attempts to clobber America for calling her Eastern European.

28\. No matter how much I protest against having to do this.

29\. I cannot drag Czechia to church.

30\. Nor am I allowed to order her to apologize to God.

31\. I cannot skip meetings to play piano with Poland.

32\. Even though Chopin came from him, his skills leave much to be desired.

33\. I cannot show England Wiener Neustadt and remark how pretty it is.

34\. It's not my fault he's still butthurt over it.

35\. I must punish Czechia for making people watch porn with her.

36\. CZECHIA! Doing it ten times or so does not help your case!

37\. I cannot complain to Germany about him hanging out with Turkey.

38\. What do you see in him?!

39\. Encouraging use of photoshop will not end well.

40\. There was that one time Poland handed out posters of Putin's face photoshopped onto a rabbit's body.

41\. And then there was that other time he held an "Ugly Book Cover" competition.

42\. (Now that was messy. *shudder*)

43\. I cannot kill anybody who mentions Arnold Schwarzenegger when I am in the same room with America.

44\. Do you know what it's like having him follow you nonstop while incessantly blabbing about how he didn't think I had it in me to create a Hollywood muscle star?!

45\. I cannot smash a rock over someone's head if they do not properly refer to me with my titles.

46\. (Okay, expecting people to refer to me with all 869 titles is a bit unrealistic, I will admit.)

47\. Holding a grand European Cake Baking Contest in the World Conference room may sound like a good idea at first, but it will always end in bloodshed.

48\. Shut up Ludwig, you know I was the one who taught you how to bake in the first place.

49\. I cannot make fun of Switzerland's new underwear.

50\. (They're printed with the cow hide pattern. How can you not expect me to laugh at it?)

51\. Attempting convince Switzerland to play football in the nude will probably end up with me beaten to a bloody pulp.

52\. Come on! It's more fun than you think!

53\. I cannot complain about how the other Germanics can't hold their alcohol at all.

54\. Estonia is the only one who can handle me in a drinking contest!

55\. If America asks me if Australia was named after me one more time, I'll throw a piano on his head!

56\. I cannot laugh in Canada's face when he brings up how innocent and cute Liechtenstein was.

57\. She killed 10 percent of her population for being witches! And she swindled me out of my money when Estonia and I got crazy drunk!

58\. I cannot whack Prussia on the head when he laughs about my citizens' family names.

59\. What?! Someone can have the surname 'Killer' if they want to, you albino imbecile!

60\. Trying to count the number of times I have invaded/controlled other countries would most likely waste a whole lot of time.

61\. Let's see, I invaded Switzerland in the Late Middle Ages for 200 years trying to reclaim his vital regions…

62\. Then there was the time I invaded Bavaria in 1704. (It wouldn't be the last time I did)

63\. And in 1814, I invaded France.

64\. And in the 16th and 17th century, I controlled over Spain.

65\. (He was never as powerful as he was after we divorced, ungrateful hedonist!)

66\. The privilege of having computers that have Sims 4 on them in the Conference Room is not to be abused.

67\. This rule was especially invented for Prussia.

68\. Who made a simself of me and had me marry the Grim Reaper.

69\. Any crude jokes made about this number shall not be tolerated in my presence,

60\. Whenever someone plays Viva la Vida, I cannot go cry bitterly in a corner.

71\. Once the largest nation in all of Europe… one of the greatest nations to grace this earth!

72\. Good god, I have let myself go.

73\. *gross sobbing noises*

74\. Skipping World Meetings in favor of attending my balls is never an option.

75\. But I'll miss the ball at the Hofburg Imperial Palace next week!

76\. Under the circumstances that number 43 does happen to occur, except instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, someone mentions PEZ, the same rules to be followed.

77\. He thought PEZ was American…

78\. For **50 years**.

79\. If someone asks me why England's eyebrows are so huge, I cannot answer, "They're so big is because he hides his secrets in them", in a mystical sounding voice.

80\. What? Can't I have any fun too?

81\. Referring to him as "Commander of Eyebrows" isn't allowed either, sadly.

82\. Photoshop is a terrible, terrible weapon, so terrible that I require saying this rule two times.

83\. Especially when people use it photoshop bacon strips onto England's face.

84\. (I actually didn't notice the difference)

85\. (But don't tell him I said that)

86\. I cannot encourage Italy to put tomato sauce into Germany's cake when Germany threatens to put me in a retirement home.

87\. I cannot cleverly paint microwaved styrofoam peanuts with meat sauce and stick them on a skewer so I pretend it's a kebab to Turkey.

88\. Did you see his face he bit into the styrofoam peanut?

89\. He spat it out immediately onto Greece's face and the two got into a massive fight!

90\. Most fun I've had in a century!

91\. I cannot be shocked when American Mcdonalds don't offer beer on their menu.

92\. How did they become the the world's largest fast food chain without beer?

93\. When Prussia becomes too much for my nerves, I cannot remind him who is still a country.

94\. Because he would start crying.

95\. And Germany would get mad at me.

96\. And give me no points in Eurovision next year.

97\. I cannot kill anyone who mentions the time I drew penises all over my glasses and went for a drunken stroll.

98\. *huff*People these days!

99\. Germany has made me promise to actually care about these rules and bother enough following them.

100\. I would a give a fuck about that but sadly, Prussia stole them all a _long _time ago.

* * *

**1-2: Haha, there really is a town in Austria called Fucking. The same can be said for France.**

**3-5: Yup, in addition to Hungary, Austria has married Spain, England, France, and many, many others.**

**7-8: Slovenia and Austria once argued hotly over who invented the sausage. I don't know who won, sadly.**

**9-10: Most of you know Austria hosted Eurovision 2015. However, they and Germany got zero points XD. (On the other hand, congrats Sweden!)**

**20-22: Every year, 5,000 Swiss each year seriously hurt themselves by falling off chairs or stabbing themselves with cutlery. Austria still doesn't know how Switzerland hurts himself so many times with sporks and the like.**

**23-26: In Austria and Hungary, it's a Christmas custom to hang sweets on the tree, however, Austria is the only one who hangs the little figurines made out of meringue (eggs and sugar).**

**27-28: Hungary, Slovakia, and Poland prefer to be called Central European instead of Eastern European. Unfortunately, Alfred has not yet gotten that through his head.**

**29-30: 80 percent of Czechia's population is non religious, in contrast to her heavily religious neighbors.**

**33-34: England's king at the time had to pay Austria a large sum of money as ordered by the pope. England suffered financial problems for some time after that because the sum was so large. Austria used the money to beautify Wiener Neustadt.**

**35-36: In 2006, people discovered that Czechia had rather unorthodox ways to check if refugees were gay; testing their reaction to porn. Austria protested against this heavily. **

**37-38: About 4 million people in Germany have Turkish roots and a large amount of Turkish immigrants live in Germany.**

**43-44: ****Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hollywood actor and governor of California, grew up as an Austrian citizen.**

**45-46: In Austria, great value is put on addressing people using their title(s). If you don't you can expect them to get upset. And yes, Austria does have 869 titles.**

**51-52: When Austria had to play against germany in the 2008 Euro football matches, he prepared for it by playing a practice match completely nude. Switzerland did not follow this.**

**53-54: Austria consumes 12.2 litres of alcohol per capita while Estonia consumes 12.3 litres of alcohol per capita. Meanwhile, Switzerland stands at a measly 10 and Germany at a 11.**

**55: Australia is actually named after the latin word for southern, **_**australis**_**. Austria, on the other hand, is named after the germanic word 'austro', meaning east. **

**57: Liechtenstein killed 10 percent of her population for being supposed servants of Satan, a world record. Austria imprisoned the person who let it happen for life.**

**60-65: All true. Austria the invader was a thing.**

**71: Due to his expansion in Eastern Europe during the 19th century, Austria was the largest nation in Europe for the time-being (not including Russia of course)**

**74-75: Vienna hosts over 200 balls a year and a popular venue for these balls is the Hofburg Imperial Palace in the center of the city. Austria probably tries to attend as many as he possibly can but attending all 200+ balls is definitely out of his power.**

**76-78: PEZ is indeed Austrian (Viennese, to be more specific and wasn't introduced into American society until the fifties. The name itself is an abbreviation for the German word for peppermint (Pfeffermintz).**

**Source for these two tidbits:**

** 2013/04/13/10-things-you-should-know-about-vienna-and-other-interesting-facts/**

**91-92: In Austria, McDonald's serves beer.**


	25. Turkey

**programming is so hard urggg**

**HOLY BALLS OF BEEF WE'VE REACHED 25! QUARTER QUELL TIME! *shot***

**Let's play a Hetalia quiz to celebrate the fact that I actually got this far! There will be three winners, the gold winner will get a 75 number list in this fic for a character of their choice (does not matter if they already have a list or not but picking new characters will be appreciated. OCs not allowed) , the silver winner will get a 50 number list, and the bronze winner will receive a 25 number list. **

**LET'S PLAY  
_1\. What's the name of America's alien friend?_**

**_2\. What does Norway's curl represent?_**

**_3\. Who is the tallest micronation?_**

**_4\. Who taught Vietnam how to smile and how?_**

**_5\. Belarus can't eat gourmet food every day due to her bad economy. What does she often eat instead as a cheap replacement?_**

**_6\. What kind of bark does Molossia's dog make? _**

**_7\. What's the name of Luxembourg's dog? _**

**_8\. How did Ladonia receive his scar?_**

**_9\. Hanatamago wasn't going to be named Hanatamago. Name a rejected name that Finland came up with!_**

**_10\. What are the flowers in Hungary's hair supposed to represent?_**

**_11\. Is Egypt's pet dog male or female?_**

**_12\. Switzerland has three pet goats. Name one of them._**

**The deadline is July 18th so don't forget!**

**Anyway IMMA LET YOU GO READ BUT BEFORE YOU DO there are going to be a lot of references to and a small amount of repeats from Cyprus's list since they have interacted with each other for so long (for the better or the worse). Now you may continue! Enjoy!**

* * *

**100 things I, Turkey, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot brag how the world's most beautiful horse is Turkish.

2\. Cyprus would throw me into a closet for being obnoxious.

3\. I cannot dance around the Meeting Room singing "Istanbul, not Constantinople".

4\. It's not my fault Greece is such a poor loser!

5\. I cannot create a bonfire in the Meeting Room to roast kebabs.

6\. Cyprus would throw me into a closet for ignoring safety rules.

7\. Ungrateful brat…

8\. Which reminds me, I cannot call any of my former territories ungrateful brats.

9\. I am not allowed ask anybody to bathe with me.

10\. Awww, don't you think you're not appreciating my generous offer enough? ;)

11\. If Greece and Hungary attempt to convince America to bring Thanksgiving over to Europe so they can put me in a giant turkey suit one more time, I'll dye their hair vomit green!

12\. Note to self: Do not get caught.

13\. If caught, reply to any accusations that I'm doing this because I love them.

14\. Yeah right

15\. When in the presence of Germany I am not to comment that Hitler's mom looks like Michael Cera.

16\. Cyprus would throw me into a closet for being insensitive.

17\. I cannot pay Prussia to invade Greece's vital regions.

18\. The same can be said for photoshopping a loaf of feta bread onto Greece's face.

19\. I cannot brag that St Nicholas actually lived in Turkey.

20\. Finland is terrifying, trust me.

21\. I cannot call myself the Tulip King.

22\. Netherlands would stand up to challenge me for title.

23\. And we would destroy a lot of furniture in our fight to be the Tulip King.

24\. And then we would have to pay for a hella lot of furniture.

25\. And my economy has only just recovered.

26\. But I always be the Tulip King.

27\. I cannot ask England if I should pour milk or tea first.

28\. He will launch into a 5 hour long epic speech debating the pros and cons of pouring the milk first.

27\. And then he will proceed to waste 5 more hours of my life by intensively debating the pros and cons of pouring tea first.

28\. I'll have my chai with no milk at all, thank you!

29\. I cannot call Greece a bumblefuck.

30\. Even if he is a bumblefuck.

31\. I cannot knock down the walls of the Meeting Room in an attempt to find an ancient underground city.

32\. It worked for that one guy!  
33\. Avoid America at costs in the mention of 'turkey, the bird'.

34\. (Ironically, there are no turkeys in my place)  
35\. I cannot tweet in the presence of my boss.

36\. Nor can I watch Youtube in his presence.

37\. (And Greece calls me restrictive...)

38\. Hookah is bad for me.

39\. So is eating too many hazelnuts.

40\. Fasting for Ramadan is significantly harder when in the presence of sweets.

41\. It's significantly harder for Egypt too because he's the one who has to restrain me from stuffing my face with baklava and rosewater candies.

42\. I cannot remind Greece that his beloved moussaka came from me.

43\. Ungrateful brat

44\. I cannot bake a cake to celebrate the fall of Constantinople.

45\. Especially if I decide to show it off to Greece.

46\. Cyprus would kick me into a closet.

47\. I swear one day I'm going to find out why there's so many closets for Cyprus to kick me into

48\. I cannot put clip-on ponytails.

49\. I'M SADIKU ADNANTSUNE

50\. (What? It was for Japan.)

51\. I cannot climb up on the Meeting Table and order everybody to worship my imperial butt.

52\. (France would gladly do so though…)

53\. I cannot call Bulgaria "Buttgaria".

54\. Nor can I call Austria "Asstria".

55\. But that ass though…

56\. I cannot go around running screaming "ALLAH TAKE THE WHEEL".

57\. The same can be said for running around and singing the Turkish version of Prince Ali in the middle of the night.

58\. I had too much sugar…

59\. I cannot punch America for mistaking me to be Turkmenistan.

60\. Nor can I punch him for mistaking me to be Armenia.

61\. Do not let Mongolia watch Crashcourse when he is drunk.

62\. If this does happen to occur, be prepared for five hours of him shouting, "I AM THE EXCEPTION!"

63\. (Note to self: Buy earplugs to be fully prepared.)

64\. I cannot get Greece blackout drunk and attempt to send him to a morgue.

65\. And the hospital does not accept organs from living people.

66\. I cannot threaten to shove baklava up anyone's ass.

67\. Because that would waste some perfectly good baklava.

68\. Oh, and also because it's publicly obscene.

69\. Do not tell any dirty jokes about this number to TRNC.

70\. He would tell Cyprus.

71\. And Cyprus would kick me into a closet, as we all know.

72\. I cannot reply "is that an innuendo" to everything.

73\. No matter how funny it is.

74\. Not every meal is a barbecue opportunity.

75\. The grill is not an essential kitchen tool.

76\. I cannot skip World Meetings to watch soap operas

77\. Bullshit! Don't fall for her, Recep! She only wants you for your money!

78\. ...I really should stop marathoning soap operas.

79\. The same can be said for Netflix.

80\. I cannot borrow Egypt's eyeliner without asking first.

81\. What's the point of asking if he'll just say no?!

82\. *Egypt: What's the point of using it if you're just going to put that mask over it?!*

83\. Never offer to oil wrestle with France when he's drunk.

84\. Never offer to oil wrestle with anyone drunk, for that matter.

85\. I cannot go up to America and ask him to say, "Muvaffakiyetsizleştiricileştiriveremeyebileceklerimizdenmişsinizcesine", five times fast.

86\. England would get mad at me for putting him off even more.

87\. Never mention my Batman province to America.

88\. I cannot walk up to the Balkans and say, "Look at all those nations I used to own!".

89\. That is insensitive and impolite.

90\. I cannot bring in my crowd-control hose truck to a World Meeting.

91\. Especially if I decide to have a little fun with it.

92\. By spraying water everywhere.

93\. Specifically Greece's face.

94\. And his cats.

95\. Definitely his cats.

96\. I am not allowed to go around spreading the fact that Bulgaria once said "the bigger, the better".

97\. He was talking about lions and cats, but who cares? As long as it gets tweets.

98\. And most important of all...

99\. I must never stop being a hot as hell badass.

100\. YEAH YOU WANT THIS DON'T YOU AUSTRIA

* * *

**19-20: Whoa what. Yeah, Santa wasn't a jolly old man who stuffed his face with mince pies, he was a real man who was born and lived in what is now Turkey. He was a wealthy guy who wanted to help the poor but didn't want to be recognized for his deed. He climbed roofs and dropped gold coins down people's chimneys to bypass being recognized, but one day he was caught, so everyone knew about his kind acts. He was only made into a saint after his death though.**

**21-26: Turkey is actually the nation that introduced tulips into Europe but Netherlands has had a lot culture revolving their nationally beloved tulips LOL.**

**31-32: A guy in Turkey, 1963, knocked down one of the walls of his home and behind it, discovered a room that led to a tunnel system that led to more cave rooms. Turns out, he had found the ancient Derinkuyu underground city.**

**35-37: Turkey's current Prime Minister has banned Youtube and Twitter. However, most Turks have found their way around this so the number of tweets and youtube subs coming out turkey has not changed.**

**39: Turkey imports 80% of the world's hazelnuts and was the first to do so.**

**61-63: For non-die-hard Crashcourse fans, a running joke in the series to roll the Mongol-tage whenever the Mongols do something that is only unique to them (invading Russia in winter successfully, invading Afghanistan and holding on to them, etc).**

**74-75: In Turkey, the grill can be used at any meal of day and there's even a whole restaurant dedicated to the grill where you get a grill and some raw meat. The rest is up to you to decide!**

**83-84: Oil wrestling is Turkey's national sport and this was also mentioned in France's list.**

**85-86: Muvaffakiyetsizleştiricileştiriveremeyebileceklerimizdenmişsinizcesine is the longest word in Turkish and means "as if you are from those we may not be able to easily make a maker of unsuccessful ones". It's used in a story that is not entirely clear to me either, but I'll put it here. Hopefully, you'll be able to understand it better than me. **

**"_We are in a teachers' training school that has evil purposes. How to make unsuccessful ones is being taught to the teachers who are being educated in that school. So, teachers are educated as makers of unsuccessful ones. However, one of those teachers refuses to be maker of unsuccessful ones, in other words, to be made a maker of unsuccessful ones; he talks about and criticizes the school's stand on the issue. The headmaster who thinks every teacher can be made easily/quickly into a maker of unsuccessful ones gets angry. He invites the teacher to his room and says "You are talking as if you were one of those we can not easily/quickly turn into a maker of unsuccessful ones, right?"_**

**88-89: Turkey once was the Ottoman Empire and ruled over much of North Africa, Southeastern Europe (Balkans), and the coastal areas of the Middle East, though losing most of that by the early 20th century.**

**90-95: I wrote about this in my other fic, "444 Things to Avoid Doing" in Chapter 15, but Turkey has a truck with a huge hose on top of it to control the recent surge in riots and protests. **


	26. Poland

**MY GOD TWO UPDATES IN 8 DAYS? First chap after a quarter quell! I'm extending the deadline to July 22, so be sure to answer the quiz in the last chap in a review! After the deadline, I'll take all the submission and send back your score! The top three get prizes so be sure to try your best!**

**Note: a few here were taken from 333 ways to get kicked out of the UN, another few were taken from cadaska but I tried to limit the number to avoid outright copying.**

**AND POLAND YASSS**

* * *

**100 things I, Poland, cannot do.  
**1\. I cannot chase people around on a pink pony when the ask me if I'm sure I'm a boy.

2\. I cannot accuse Monaco of copying my flag.

3\. She will, like, slap me.

4\. I cannot try to recruit another bear to fight for me.

5\. Especially if I let it help me stick wet cotton balls all over Russia's car.

6\. (Apparently, even Russia needs to see in order to drive)

7\. I cannot ever leave my Bigos boiling for over three days.

8\. Because 'poisonous gas' is not a nice house scent to have.

9\. Dying everyone's hair pink at the International Sleepover is never a great idea.

10\. Because you will get caught.

11\. And, like, be executed.

12\. I cannot threaten other nations that I will make Warsaw their capital.

13\. Especially Russia.

14\. Buying ponies during wars is not a good idea.

15\. Even if I say it is.

16\. I cannot attempt to spread Saint John's Kupala Night to Western Europe.

17\. For some reason, not everybody enjoys jumping over fires.

18\. I cannot replace England's Stonehenge with butter.

19\. Especially if that butter belongs to Norway.

20\. I cannot, like, propose to make all of the World Conference's chairs ejectable.

21\. And give myself a button that allows me to eject whoever I please at anytime.

22\. I should never listen to Hungary's conspiracy theories that the World Meeting is just one giant orgy.

23\. It's not healthy for my sanity.

24\. Or my ears.

25\. Referring towards hamburgers as "diabetic flesh frisbees" is not okay when in the presence of America.

26\. Even if, like, the rest of the world agrees with me.

27\. Photoshopping flower crowns on all my photos is not a good use of my time.

28\. Nor is photoshopping Putin's face on to cartoon rabbits.

29\. Catholic sparkle parties are not allowed.

30\. Especially if Germany is nearby.

31\. I cannot argue with France whether or not Chopin was Polish or French.

32\. It will, like, drag on for hours and Germany will yell at us for not using our time efficiently.

33\. I cannot brag to Austria that I was the one who saved him and his precious Vienna from the Ottomans.

34\. And how does he thank me?!

35\. By participating in the first and third partitioning of Poland!

36\. Like, completely unbelievable!

37\. Never let a goat within 50 feet of Austria.

38\. Ever since the car incident, he'll spazz out if any goats get too close to him.

39\. I cannot, like, threaten to throttle America when he calls me Eastern European.

40\. Or asks why I speak Russian.

41\. Encouraging idiotic nations to sing even more idiotic songs is a recipe for disaster.

42\. I'm still recovering from the time Italy sang "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" nonstop in a meeting.

43\. *shudders*

44\. Dressing up as the Grim Reaper and standing outside old people 's houses is, like, totally, unacceptable.

45\. Especially if that old person is China (or some other old-ass nation).

46\. I cannot replace Hungary's hand sanitizer with glue.

47\. She will not hesitate to use the frying pan on me, sadly.

48\. I cannot wear a rubber pony head to World Meetings.

49\. Germany calls it unprofessional.

50\. Never accept any purple glowing food.

51\. Especially from England.

52\. I cannot mention the time Lithuania won a Nobel Prize for solving the problem of illegally parked luxury cars by running them over with armored tanks.

53\. Come on Liet, you still, like, got a prize for that!

54\. Burning Marzanna at the World Meeting building will just cause mass havoc and panic.

55\. I'm saying goodbye to winter, not summoning, like, the devil, America!

56\. I cannot attempt to kill anyone who says I'm a car thief.

57\. Or any kind of thief.

58\. It's not, like, my fault stolen stuff somehow ends up at my place!

59\. Never call me communist.

60\. You can, like, blame Russia for that crap.

61\. Trying to convince Lithuania that Belarus is crazy and will not make a good girlfriend is futile.

62\. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the sane one…

63\. Confusing America by saying there are sand dunes in my place is more fun than it is legal.

64\. Because he will hide out in his bunker for several days, claiming that the world has turned upside down.

65\. Geez, I just have sand dunes, it's not like I'm a total frozen wasteland!

66\. Mixing M&amp;Ms and Skittles together is "cruel and unusual".

67\. Not to mention totally hilarious.

68\. My fruity-chocolatey concoction will be the doom of us all.

69\. Shut up, France.

70\. Going on roller coasters as a team bonding exercise never works out.

71\. Especially when I brought along some nuts and bolts and told Latvia, "Whoa, these came out of your seat!" when we were about to go down the highest hill.

72\. Growing a little garden in Germany's keyboard is not, like, as thoughtful as it sounds.

73\. Neither is infesting the World Meeting Room with plushie rats.

74\. Look on the bright side! The chairs are finally comfortable to sleep on!

75\. Pranking wars will just, like, destroy an unnecessary amount of furniture.

76\. The same can be said for rapping wars.

77\. Except instead of destroying furniture, it will destroy time and any ability to get back to work.

78\. I cannot ride around in a Barbie Jeep with a Barbie doll in the passenger's seat.

79\. And Lithuania in the back seat.

80\. The only thing missing is a pair of pink shades and an Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque catchphrase.

81\. Setting Russia's pipe in jelly will only, like, hasten my inevitable doom.

82\. So is replacing it with a cardboard version.

83\. I cannot dress up as He-man and scream, "HEYEAYEAYEA" nonstop.

84\. I already have the hair!

85\. *sparkles*

86\. I cannot participate in India's Bollywood movies.

87\. I've been banned ever since I asked if he was filming Indian Power Rangers when I saw one of his music videos.

88\. I cannot, like, tell Italy I eat pizza with ketchup.

89\. He'll be threatening to drown me with holy water for desecrating his dish.

90\. I cannot build a shrine to ponies.

91\. Or anything.

92\. Especially if I use the European Union's budget to build it.

93\. Greece has wrecked it quite enough already.

94\. I cannot complain about how long these lists are.

95\. Writing random stuff to fill up space on here is not allowed either.

96\. Ponies.

97\. Jesus statues.

98\. Upside down houses.

99\. Whatever.

100\. You might call me insane, but I just want to watch the world burn.

* * *

**2-3: Submitted by the lovely "****AphHetaliaLover**"**!**

**4-6: In WW2, the Polish Army had a bear in its ranks; he carried shells to the frontline and was taught how to salute. (6 can be found in my other fic, "444 things to avoid doing"; if you stick wet cotton balls onto a surface in cold weather, they will stay there for quite a while.)**

**7-8: Bigos, the national dish of Poland, is a meat and cabbage stew that if left boiling for over three days, starts to emit a deadly gas.**

**16-17: Saint John's Kupala Night is a tradition in most Slavic countries where people jump over fires and young women and men team up to find elusive fern flower. According to local legend, the fern only blooms on Saint John's Kupala Night and prosperity, luck, and discernment will fall whoever finds one. Due to men and women partnering up to find the fern flower, a relationship may end up blooming. **

**31: Chopin had a Polish mother and a French father (hence the name).**

**37-38: A goat once stole an Austrian man's car. **

**52-53: There's a spin off of the Nobel Prize for unusual or trivial achievements. The mayor of Vilnius, Lithuania's capital, won by demonstrating that the problem of illegally parked luxury cars can be solved by running them over with armored tanks. **

**54-55: At the end of winter, it's tradition to make a human size doll and burn it as a way of saying farewell to winter.**

**56-58: One Polish stereotype is that they're thieves. The thief usually isn't Polish, it's just that many stolen goods end up in Poland because many people drop their stolen goods off there.**

**59-60: One Polish stereotype is that they're communists. This couldn't be farther than truth. After the Allies took the Axis out (Germany treating Poland pretty badly), Stalin installed loyal communist agents in major government positions and rigged the elections to make sure they always won. Decades later, Poland took communism down through the ****Solidarność** **movement (the Solidarity movement, the leader being Lech Walesa, whom you may remember as the guy with an awesome mustache) and inspired other Eastern bloc nations to do the same. There was even talk of banning the Communist Party all together!**

**63-65:Stereotype 3#: Poland is a barren ice land. In the Słowiński National Park in northern Poland, there's a desert that stretches on for miles, ending at the sea with a gorgeous beach view.**

**86-87: Look up Daler Mehndi's Tunak Tunak Tun music video and you'll see what I mean.**

**88-89: When the waiter brings you your pizza in Poland, there won't be any tomato sauce on it. The waiter will bring you sauce to pour it on yourself, however, sometimes the sauce is just ketchup.**

**95-99: Poland has the largest Jesus statue in the world as well as an upside down house.**


	27. Latvia

**School has unfortunately started so it's going to be harder for me to keep up with updates. I hope you guys understand! I'll be answering some anon questions here!**

_Awesomeness _

_Do one for Russia please! These are great!_

**Don't worry, his list is coming soon!**

_Aneeza_

_Oh my gosh! Ur works are thee best .. Could you please do one for Pakistan? Since its not common to find fictions about him and you always do the best impressions of countries .. Pretty please with a cherry on top ? Thanks_

**Thank you so much for the kind words! Sadly, as people have asked me before to write Pakistan and other ocs, I probably won't be doing any other ocs besides a North Korea list. This is because people might take offense that my portrayal of a nation is different from their own (Especially when it comes to nations heavily OC-ed, like Mexico and Ireland) and I might do something offensive without knowing it. **

_Marzue:_

_Tony._

_The fjords._

_Hutt River._

_Thailand. When Thailand showed her his smile, she notices that he was wearing a goofy-looking shirt and laughed._

_Potatoes. *I think*_

_I'm not sure, so I'll say strange._

_Pelutze. [not sure if spelled right]_

_The scar isn't actually a scar, it's paint._

_Bomber. *I think*_

_Lake Belaton [I googled this one, not sure if it counts]_

_Female? *I don't know*_

_Eiger [also googled this one]_

**Marzue, your score is…**

**11 out of 12! Since you've answered anonymously, I had to put in the A/N here. You've tied with BlackButlerFan13 for first place! Please log in so I can PM you the tiebreaker question!**

**(PS: The Gakuen Hetalia RP forum is officially back up again! I'll update every Saturday and feel free to join the cult!**

* * *

**100 things I, Latvia, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot attempt to get the Hospitalis Restaurant re-opened.

2\. The tourism industry has suffered so much from it closing down...

3\. I cannot look for random and trivial excuses to drink.

4\. The fact that Austria has accused me of stealing his flag being one of those random excuses.

5\. I cannot blame anything I do on my bad childhood.

6\. Especially my alcoholism.

7\. I cannot let Austria play Goat Simulator.

8\. He was on there for 4 hours and was randomly shouting, "HA! NOW HOW DOES THAT FEEL?"

9\. ...He has issues.

10\. Attempting to convince Estonia to stop trying to become a Nordic is futile.

11\. He's even created a 'Nordic' version of his flag!

12\. No one wants a desperate fake Nordic, Estonia.

13\. I cannot plot vengeance against those that call me a budget party destination.

14\. I have beaches, pristine forests, ancient castles, and much, much more and this is what I get?

15\. Typical.

16\. I must learn to not accidentally insult Russia when he's around.

17\. I try my best to, but he always picks on me…

18\. I blame my alcoholism for stunting my growth, which in turn causes nations to not take me seriously.

19\. Never play hockey with Canada.

20\. I love the sport but I don't love being mauled to death.

21\. I've been mauled to death enough for a couple of centuries.

22\. (Mostly Russia being the perpetrator)

23\. Never mention my abundant sex tourism to a Western European nation if I don't want a shocked looking face jabbering about how innocent they thought I was.

24\. Shouting, "Forward to Mars!" is just rude.

25\. Attempting to become famous by setting world records for pointless activities is best left to America.

26\. Never mention the words '"most", "cars", "doing", "donuts", and "simultaneously" in the same sentence.

27\. Asking Belarus to stop shoving knives in my back and breaking Lithuania's fingers will not end well.

28\. Last time, my innards become outtards.

29\. Like I said, it will not end well.

30\. When I said I liked romance novels, 50 Shades of Grey is not included.

31\. This has nothing to do with the color grey.

32\. This is porn.

33\. Not even good porn at that.

34\. I cannot mope around because of the fact about how Tony Stark's Hall of Armor suits is worth more than my entire GDP.

35\. Or use it as an excuse to drink excessively.

36\. I cannot offer Sealand any Riga Black Balsam.

37\. Finland will kill me.

38\. And Estonia won't be able to save me.

39\. He's never able to save me but I'm trying to make a point here.

40\. And that is Finland is fucking terrifying.

41\. Never question Poland's habit of eating butter lambs for Easter.

42\. Or England's and Germany's addiction to doing weird egg stuff.

43\. I cannot waste time memorizing useless facts.

44\. Even if it's better than listening to America yammer on about how glad he is that I joined NATO.

45\. By the way, did you know that banging your head against a wall uses 160 calories per hour?

46\. However, China is able to break walls with his head under seconds, so this information would probably be useless due to the fact that there would be no more walls for him to bang against far before an hour is over.

47\. *science*

48\. I should never ask if bacon beer is a real thing in America.

49\. Because it is.

50\. Not even Norway will try America's double deep fried butter.

51\. And he broke my arm when I used some of his butter for Christmas.

52\. I cannot patronizingly pat England's head when he talks about how Russia always shows up when he tries to summon the devil.

53\. You must be late to the party, dear.

54\. I can't challenge anyone with an alcohol tolerance weaker than mine to a drinking competition.

55\. Lithuania will call that unfair.

56\. As he takes the money I won away...

57\. Never ride on a plane on which America is piloting.

58\. He was shouting, "We've caught a tailwind, bitches! Prepare for an early arrival 'cause we're flying like meth'ed out justice birds!"

59\. He's referring to a bald eagle, by the way.

60\. I cannot plot revenge against Poland.

61\. He's so mean! When we went on a really tall roller coaster, he took out some nuts and bolts when we were about to go down the highest hill and said,"Whoa man, these came out of your seat!"

62\. Do you know how terrified I was?!

63\. *emo sulking*

64\. Never mention anything about Ukraine's "large tracts of land" around Russia.

65\. Unless I want some other kind of drawn out, sadistic torture technique.

66\. Like ripping out my spine and finding new and fascinating ways to piece me back together.

67\. You'd think I get used to this by now…

68\. Trying to subtly imply to Lithuania that Poland might be a bad influence on him will fail.

69\. Explaining the cultural significance of this number to Sealand will just result in 37 through 40.

70\. Accidentally referring to Russia as Jabba the Hutt will result in death.

71\. Accidentally referring to Russia as Stalin's bitch will also result in death.

72\. Referring to Russia as anything besides Russia, Ivan, or things among those lines will result in death.

73\. I cannot bribe Estonia to hack into Eurovision.

74\. He's just as desperate to win as me.

75\. I cannot mention the fact that I invented the Christmas tree near America.

76\. Many nations have found a fanboy America on their tracks and we've been looking for a way to get him to fuck off ever since.

77\. Everytime Estonia starts weeping from his 'feels' being kicked in the balls, I cannot actually kick his balls.

78\. No matter how much I want to.

79\. It's just a show, geez!

80\. I cannot act cute and trembly to get what I want.

81\. It's selfish.

82\. And manipulative.

83\. No matter how useful it can be.

84\. Sadly, this tactic does not work on most micro-nations.

85\. I cannot facepalm myself when Estonia is up to his antics again.

86\. Seriously, you have time to install wi fi everywhere in your country and give a detailed ID to every single person in a population of 1.3 million but not properly show up to Baltic meetings?

87\. Why do you want to be Nordic again?

88\. (The actual Nordics kind think you're a crazy)

89\. (They'd rather have Scotland than you…)

90\. If Russia is in my presence, I cannot scream "Help! I'm being Kidnapped!"

91\. Belarus would hunt me down.

92\. And having an angry Belarus within 500 ft of your vital organs is never a safe idea.

93\. I cannot film Estonia when he sings 'Uptown Funke' for blackmail.

94\. I am, however, allowed to watch it on my own accord.

95\. Laughing my ass over and over again each time...

96\. I must adhere to all of these rules, like all of the other countries swore they would.

97\. And if I do happen to break a rule, I must own up to it like a mature adult.

98\. Not blame it on my alcoholism.

99\. Or my shitty childhood.

100\. Or my shitty life in general.

* * *

**1-2: There used to be a hospital themed restaurant in Latvia until closed down a year or two ago. **

**7-9: This was also written in the last chapter, Poland's list. If you haven't read it, an Austrian man had his car stolen by a goat.**

**10-12: Dedicated readers of SATW will know of Estonia's many, many attempts to become a member of the Nordics.**

**19-22: Ice hockey, as well as basketball, is pretty big in Latvia.**

**2: Sadly, sex tourism is also big in Latvia.**

**24: Friedrich Zander, a scientist who made many theoretical contributions to science and is credited for the launching of the first liquid fueled rocket in the USSR, was from Latvia and once said, "Forward to Mars", referring towards his hopes that humans would one day explore outside of Earth's atmosphere. **

**25-26: In 2012, Latvia set the world record for most cars doing donuts at the same time.**

**34-35: This true. As of now, Latvia's GDP is around 31 million US dollars while Tony Stark's Hall of Armor is over worth 32 million US dollars. **

**36-40: Riga Black Balsam is basically a bunch of natural ingredients mixed in pure vodka. According to legend, Catherine the Great fell ill when visiting Latvia, but when she drank some Black Balsam, she was cured.**

**41-42: You can even look up Polish Easter butter lambs to see what they look like! Both England and the rest of Great Britain and Germany have all kinds of weird competitive egg sports, like the egg roll (rolling eggs with spoons down a hill or track) or egg jarping (basically tapping two eggs over and over to see which one will last the longest but competitive enough to the point where participants will try to cheat by over boiling their eggs).**

**48-49: This is an actual thing, dear god.**

**50: Not sure if double deep fried butter is a thing but deep fried butter has been invented, so why not deep fry it twice?**

**75-76: Reportedly, the first christmas tree was found in Latvia in 1510.**

**85-89: You can access wifi anywhere in Estonia, even in the forests! Estonia is a leader in governing electronically and all citizens are issued an ID that allows them to view health records and prescriptions, pay for public transport, view children's school grades, and even vote online!**

**90-93: Credit goes to AphHetaliaLover for this one!**


	28. Monaco

**SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION HERE: Join the cult! **** forum/World-Academy-Gakuen-Hetalia-RP/178241/**

**Now that I've gotten that out of the way, here is Monaco's list! She was rather difficult to due to the fact that there's not a lot of sources and characterization for he, so I had to expand on her a little bit. Putting that aside, though, you can probably still enjoy the list (hopefully)!**

**We have a winner for 3rd place! WafflePancakes!**

**Also, Marzue, I am perfectly fine with putting the tiebreaker question in the A/N! I have notified BlackButlerFan13 about the question so they'll be sure to answer it as well!**

_**What does France's human name mean?**_

* * *

**100 things I, Monaco, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot slap Poland when he accuses me copying his flag.

2\. He's the copier! And why doesn't he bother Indonesia?

3\. I cannot call anybody 'Spawn of Satan' when they call me a whore.

4\. It's quite amusing that they're yelling that at me when they're making minimum wage at McDonald's and I'm rolling in cash.

5\. I cannot bemoan the fact that I am not allowed in my own casino.

6\. I could drain everybody's wallet at this moment!

7\. I cannot call America's pies 'liquid cake'.

8\. Even if numerous nations agree with me on this part.

9\. I cannot force nations like America, Russia, China and other superpowers to make bets with me when no one else volunteers.

10\. They have heavy artillery…

11\. I cannot make bets like "Switzerland will definitely yell at Japan" and "France and England will fight."

12\. Because those kind of things always happen.

13\. So I will inevitably win said bet.

14\. Which will make it unfair.

15\. Macau and I cannot gamble against Finland's dog.

16\. Because no one will win in this ultimate test of gambling abilities.

17\. And they will drag us off to somewhere else before we gamble ourselves to death.

18\. I cannot join Macau and Hong Kong when they jack off to Las Vegas.

19\. Hong Kong isn't even allowed to do this in the first place.

20\. I cannot slap Poland when he calls me "The Queen of Hedonism".

21\. How would you know what hedonism is like, you barely earn enough from stealing cars to scrape by!

22\. France just told me that I cannot say that to Poland's face.

23\. Because it is offensive.

24\. And relies on derogatory Polish stereotypes.

25\. (Even if stereotypes exist for a reason)

26\. I cannot let America film anymore James Bond movies at my place.

27\. The only reason I did so in the first place is for the tourism money.

28\. Sweet, sweet tourism money.

29\. Always a worthy endeavor.

30\. I cannot jokingly ask Italy if he's going to re-enact Mean Girls with Poland.

31\. Because he will.

32\. And an unnecessary amount of nations will join in.

33\. And France will force me to be the protagonist.

34\. And they will put this version onto Youtube.

35\. Which will cause all hope for any sanity to be lost.

36\. Long story short: Shit will hit the fan.

37\. I cannot slap anyone who refers to me as "The Micro-nations' Nanny".

38\. I actually cannot slap anyone.

39\. (Unfortunately...)

40\. I cannot create simselves of everyone.

41\. And proceed to kill them in interesting ways.

42\. Have to maintain that normalcy, you know.

43\. The same rule can be applied for marrying them off to each other.

44\. Especially if I take pictures of the wedding and send them, to Hungary.

45\. No matter how much money she offers.

46\. France tells me that I already I have too much money.

47\. I cannot mention the time America sang "Shut Up and Sleep With It".

48\. Some nations (who obviously weren't there) inquired me why I did not film it for blackmail.

49\. Our eardrums spontaneously exploded and dribbled out blood, so filming it for future generations was the least of my concerns.

50\. Besides, I wouldn't **ever **want future generations to ever listen to that atrocity.

51\. (Note to self: Do not take the blame for previous rules if America ever hears that)

52\. Trying to convince France that he might have a wine problem will prove futile.

53\. He is one of the largest producers of wine in the world…

54\. Hungary's infamous yaoi blog is strictly off limits.

55\. Even if she offers good money for pictures of France and England together.

56\. She does pay well, you know…

57\. I cannot ask Macau what Boku no Pico is.

58\. I'm guessing it's bad because all the blood drained out of his face at the speed of light.

59\. He tells me that Japan showed to him and the rest of East Asia once.

60\. He also tells me the after effects remain strong to this day.

61\. Now I'm afraid to google it.

62\. I cannot ever suggest to Italy that he would be good at the Grand Prix.

63\. Because he will join in on the race.

64, And win by driving faster than what should be humanly possibly.

65\. And win again.

66\. And win until we beg him to drop out to let the other drivers have a fighting chance.

67\. Now I understand why Japan was so frightened...

68\. *war flashbacks*

69\. I cannot give in when a micronation asks me what this number means.

70\. Or why was France laughing at the number.

71\. The elder nations do realize that the micronations can't be kept innocent forever, right?...

72\. Going out on a big shopping spree with the female nations must be handled with great care.

73\. My fellow girls like a lot of strange things...

74\. Like blow lighters to burn money.

75\. ?

76\. I'm still trying to understand this.

77\. I will not ever cosplay as a famous character who just happens to have a braid like me.

78\. Examples include Elsa.

79\. And Katniss.

80\. And Rapunzel.

81\. Sadly, neither Poland nor America have yet to figure out that message.

82\. I cannot slap America when he asks me if there's a difference between Monaco and Morocco.

83\. Yes, plenty.

84\. One of them is that Morocco is located in goddamn Africa while I reside in Europe.

85\. But hey, that one was really hard to figure out, so don't blame yourself!

86\. I cannot try to deny the fact that I am related to France.

87\. You have no idea how difficult it is.

88\. When he was drunk, he went around saying, "_Your ass may be fine, but would look better with my dick in it."_

89\. *cringes*

90\. I really need to find out how to change my family ancestry papers.

91\. I cannot try to sell useless and/or overpriced objects to other nations.

92\. (See 46)

93\. Also, America is in enough debt as it is.

94\. Referring to me as the "_Playground of the Rich and Famous_" will sound dirty.

95\. You can probably guess who spawned that notion.

96\. By now, after 27 lists, you should know that this is the part where I'm supposed to pledge to follow all of these rules.

97\. But really, has there ever been a nation that really meant it?

98\. Of course, you didn't hear it from me.

99\. *Slides money across table*

100\. Now go get yourself something nice.

* * *

**o mai Monaco, bribery, eh?**

**1-2 &amp; 9-14: Submitted by the lovely "****AphHetaliaLover**"**!**

**20-25: Please don't take offense to this, I actually don't believe in this stereotype at all.**

**26-29: It's true, 3 James Bond movies have been filmed in Monaco, specifically the Monte-Carlo Casino.**

**62-68: Monaco hosts the Grand Prix, one of the most famous car race, every year in the Circuit de Monaco, a race track laid over the City of Monte Carlo. **

**72-76: In Taiwan, it's a common good luck tradition to burn fake money in front of your business (like restaurants and shops). Supposedly, this is a way to ask for good business and real money. Taiwan must have not told Monaco it was fake money…**

**94-95: Playground, in American urban slang, can mean sexual delight, or someone good to have sex with.**


	29. PRIZE CHAPTER: Luxembourg

**For WafflePancakes, our third place winner!**

**To our reigning champions battling over first place, a tie again! We're gonna need 5 questions to try to even this out:**

**1\. What is Ladonia's favorite pokemon?**

**2\. What do Egypt and Romania have in common?**

**3\. What does Hanatamago mean?**

**4\. Where does the whale America befriended in Japan now reside?**

**5\. Who isKokolo?**

* * *

**25 things I, Luxembourg, cannot do.**

1\. Dressing up in costumes that could potentially give Belgium a heart attack is disallowed by Big Bro Neddy's order.

2\. I am also not allowed to call Netherlands Big Bro Neddy…

3\. (But who cares?)

4\. (Other than Big Bro Neddy, of course)

5\. I cannot insist on giving Pultze his own chair in the EU.

6\. Even if he really is the only one that can save us from the impending financial disaster.

7\. With my help, obviously.

8\. I cannot call American football 'concussion-ball'.

9\. Even if nearly half of the world agrees with me on this point.

10\. ...he really couldn't bother to come up with a new name for his sport?

11\. When cheering my siblings on in World Cups, I cannot issue death threats to other nations.

12\. Not only is it rude, they might file charges against me.

13\. And I will lose money.

14\. Drowning my sorrows through alcohol with Big Bro Neddy after getting voted out of Eurovision is never a good idea.

15\. At least Belgium can still win this one for BENELUX!

16\. You go sis!

17\. Going along with one of Belgium's crazy schemes to corner the world market in chocolate will greatly increase my rate of not surviving the next couple of years.

18\. The one time when she made me go around telling the micronations that Switzerland killed Bambi's mom is a great example of this.

19\. Although, the sight of Switzerland getting pelted by snowballs by micronations shouting they would never eat his chocolate again was greatly amusing to me.

20\. The same can be said towards Netherland's tulip/cheese rivalry with Turkey/Switzerland.

21\. Why do my siblings fight all the time about national exports with other countries?

22\. They should think about how I'm affected by them!

23\. I should not contemplate and dwell on all the life choices I have made at random times.

24\. because it will me send spiraling into an excessively long period of questioning and soul searching.

25\. Besides, why search for a soul when you can just buy one?

* * *

**So there's not any historical/current references in this one (other than references to the fact that Luxembourg is filthy rich) mostly because it's 4 times shorter than most lists in this fic, but 17 through 19 belongs to AphHetaliaLover!**

**(PS: Luxembourg, Monaco, and Liechtenstein should form the 'Smoll Rich European Countries' trio)**

**(Also pls review cuz us writers are desperate for that haha)**


	30. Romania

**you know how in the beginning of the school year you're all pumped and saying that you're gonna study hard and everything but two months later you're just trying to survive? Yeah, that's basically what's happening to me right now. rip meeeeeee**

**Also shoutout to BlackButler for being awesome: **** u/6881210/BlackButlerFan13**

**((Of course give marzue some love too ʅʕ•ᴥ•ʔʃ ))**

* * *

**100 things I, Romania, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot fly into a rage every time Twilight is mentioned.

2\. Vampires don't sparkle in the goddamn sunshine.

3\. They bite you over the heart and have red hair and blue eyes, not Robert Pattinson's flowing mane!

4\. Damn you, Stephanie Meyer.

5\. (It's even worse with that whole Reimagined shit)

6\. Just because my bedtime stories work on Moldova does not mean they work on other childish nations.

7\. But the one about Muma Pădurii is my favorite!

8\. And we were just about to get to the good part, when she makes the woman eat her baby!

9\. I cannot keep on letting people think Moldova's stuff comes from me.

10\. Gotta defend my baby.

11\. I cannot make removing my 'black magic tax' the European Union's number 1 priority.

12\. Even if it should be.

13\. I cannot wonder if I made the right decision in becoming friends with Bulgaria.

14\. There was the yogurt fairy incident…

15\. And when he tried to comfort me with his damn Attack on Titan jacket…

16\. I cannot give away all of my stray dogs to Germany in an attempt to clear the streets.

17\. Even he can't take care of them all.

18\. (Prussia wouldn't let him...)

19\. I cannot keep on reminiscing the 1984 Olympics.

20\. 20 gold medals… 2nd place…

21\. I haven't gotten that far up ever since…

22\. I cannot punch America in the face when he asks if I will show up in selfies.

23\. Or harm him in any shape or form.

24\. I cannot sell my strange love charms to Hungary when she attempts to make one of her crazy ships canon.

25\. She must be really desperate if she came to me…

26\. Oh well. More money for me!

27\. (I would have even more money if not for the damned black magic tax…)

28\. I am not allowed to choose where our World Meetings will take place anymore.

29\. Not after I hosted it in Peștera cu Oase.

30\. The archeologists weren't too happy with me either…

31\. I cannot play "Night On a Bald Mountain" every time I walk into a room.

32\. No matter how cool it makes me look.

33\. I cannot ask Turkey if he needs me to carry him because of his back problems.

34\. Just kidding, I can't carry him.

35\. The old fart's too heavy even for my gun show.

36\. I cannot tell the micronations, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go."

37\. Because they will throw each other to the wolves in a time span of five seconds, approximately.

38\. Sealand was yelling at TRNC to take one for the team...

39\. Well, that escalated quickly.

40\. I cannot try to keep Moldova innocent.

41\. There's no point; the poor child has already seen me drunk…

42\. He knows things...

43\. I cannot ask stupid questions to waste time.

44\. Like what will happen if Pinocchio says, "My nose will now grow"?

45\. Or what will happen if you get scared half to death twice?

46\. And why does Bulgaria have Nicholas Cage on his Biology textbooks?

47\. If someone out there has stopped reading this list to ponder over these dilemmas, then my job is done.

48\. I cannot make creepy cat faces.

49\. Apparently, it makes people uncomfortable.

50\. (***Φ**ω**Φ***)

51\. I cannot keep on chain smoking.

52\. Moldova thinks I prefer to keep my floor cleaner than my lungs…

53\. When driving people other places, I cannot scream "INCHIDE USA" and throw out sorry broke tourists.

54\. I gotta make a living, man.

55\. I cannot bitch about America's fake Halloween.

56\. Everyone in Romania knows the real Halloween occurs on November 30th!

57\. Time to scatter the bread and garlic!

58\. And flip all the cups and glasses upside down!

59\. No ghouls are staying in this house tonight!

60\. Hey, it's not paranoia if someone really is out to get you.

61\. Procrastination will only make my current economic state worse.

62\. The EU already sees me and Bulgaria as the honorary resident nerds.

63\. (Let's admit, we are damn nerds.)

64\. Randomly making out with strangers to make a certain someone jealous is prohibited.

65\. (◡∀ ᷉)

66\. I cannot ever, never EVER, under any circumstances, use Harry Potter themed pickup lines on England.

67\. Such as the case when I told him he could Slyther on into my Chamber of Secrets.

68\. Let's just say the punishment for dirtying the Harry Potter series was severe...

69\. I cannot beat up anyone who tries to explain the meaning of this number to Moldova.

70\. (Moldova: "...isn't that breaking rule 40?")

71\. Leaving cryptic messages behind in the meeting room for other nations to find is not allowed.

72\. America went into conspiracy mode and somehow linked my message to the Illuminati?...

73\. I'm not sure how "_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) __pineapples_" translated into the mystical eye, but alright.

74\. I cannot race Italy down the Transfagarasan Highway.

75\. Quite possibly one of the most life-threatening activities I have partaken in.

76\. Seriously, he was able to complete the track under 20 minutes!

77\. And at one point, he almost rammed me off the mountain!

78\. While I lived, it most definitely scarred me for life….

79\. *shudders*

80\. I cannot challenge Turkey to a soccer challenge.

81\. Especially if we choose Walmart as the playing field.

82\. We WRECKED that place.

83\. We destroyed 5 aisles worth of stuff and are forbidden to enter that Walmart ever again.

84\. (Worth it)

85\. I cannot call out random people and say, "Don't be afraid, I don't bite!"

86\. And then promptly show my fangs.

87\. I cannot curse people for small offenses.

88\. Such as saying Voltaj is stupid.

89\. **h̘̰̑̎͗̎͑ͥͅO̖̣̲̍̔W̺̗̠̻̮̹͋͋̈́ͨ̈̍ ͎̬̥̭̮̫ͦͯ̏̄̍ͯd͓̼̆̏̉ͅA̩͓͇̪̥͓̥ͧ̽̍R̥̝̞̄̒ͅe̮̖̩͓͖̟ͯ̉̒̏ͮ́͌ ͇̬̜͉ͮͯYOU̲͔̜ ̗͇̖͖̣̫͈ͣ͂̈͋̆**

90\. Saying Yogurt doesn't taste that good is not a wise decision when Bulgaria is within earshot.

91\. he is the Yogurt Fairy after all...

92\. I cannot keep on dragging the Balkans off to Voltaj concerts.

93\. I am going to break my economy buying every one of their albums.

94\. (╯✧∇✧)╯*:・ﾟ✧

95\. Uhh… I mean...

96\. (Don't tell the EU I said that)

97\. I must follow these rules to prove that I am indeed a mature adult capable of providing for myself.

98\. Unlike what others will tell you about me...

99\. I will assure you that, I am not evolving into a meme like England and Norway say.

100\. * **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ***

* * *

**1-4: Romanians actually believed that women with red hair and blue eyes were at greatest risk at becoming vampires.**

**5-7: Muma Paduri is a common Romanian mythology figure. She's a shapeshifter that lives deep in the forests and takes care of the trees, deciding which ones will live and which ones will be cut down. She has roles beyond her nature duties; she steals children, replacing with her own monstrous children, likes to scare people to death, and when a woman has a baby out of wedlock, she will make the woman kill the baby and then eat her child. And again, and again… **

**10-11: Apparently, the Romanian government tried to get a slice of the huge profits locals garner from fortune telling and magic business. Many practitioners protest against this.**

**16-18: There are thousands of stray dogs in Bucharest, Romania's capital, and at one point, when the government tried killing them to lower the numbers, doggy lovers everywhere protested against this. (Approximately 9,000 people each year are bitten by them and there is dog poop **_**everywhere**_**.)**

**19-21: The Los Angeles 1984 Olympics is by far Romania's most successful Olympic game. They came in second place, only beaten by the US, the host country.**

**28-30: Peștera cu Oase, or "Cave of Bones" in Romanian, is a chamber inside a cave in southwestern Romania. Bones dating almost 40,000 years were found there on 2002, which is how it got its name.**

**48-50: remember this gem: post/42906347507/something-of-apple-juice-how-can-you-see**

**51-52: Romanians do tend to smoke a lot. They also take off their shoes before entering their house, so it's joked they take better care of their floors than their lungs.**

**53-54: Inchide usa translates to "shut the door", so people who say they have no money before hopping inside cars will find themselves needing another form of transportation.**

**55-60: In Romania, the true halloween is celebrated on Nov 30, when the orthodox church celebrates St. Andrew. It's believed that St. Andrew can make the line between the living and the dead disappear on halloween. There are many eerie customs that Romanians keep to while celebrating this sp00ky holiday, particularly in rural villages. Smashed garlic is used to cover openings in a house, like windows and doors to prevent spirits from entering and you scatter breadcrumbs outside so the evil spirits will have something to eat and not come inside. You turn over all the cups and glasses so the spirits can't hide inside them and another is that on Halloween, wolves can speak and those who listen to them will find out terrible secrets.**

**64-65: It's up to you, dear reader, who that certain someone is. ;)**

**74-79; The Transfagarasan Highway in Romania is one of the most twisty roads ever to exist. Look it up for examples! Top Gear raced there at one point or another.**

**87-96: Voltaj is a Romanian rock pop band (Their name means voltage in Romanian) and represented Romania in Eurovision in 2015. Their music is pretty good, kind of like Fall Out Boy a little bit.**

**PS: guess whose birthday was last month :D Also, I made my friend a mug with the lenny face on it for their birthday XD.**


	31. Finland

**AHHHH I AM SO SORRY GUYS FOR NOT UPDATING IN SUCH A LONG TIME AHHHH School has been really difficult for me recently, and with finals coming up, i might have to go on hiatus after another chapter or two… But enough of that! I've finally managed to garner up enough time to write this chapter, and honestly, it was really fun to do! Finland's a fascinating country and you should definitely experience it for yourself!**

* * *

**100 things I, Finland, cannot do.**

1\. Moi moi! Welcome to my list of banned activities! I hope you enjoy your time here~~!

2\. I cannot vote for Donald Duck as my prime minister.

3\. Even if he's far better than all the other candidates.

4\. I cannot tell Sweden that I think he has a problem with IKEA and furniture.

5\. He's been trying to get Notch to implement IKEA furniture into Minecraft for months now…

6\. I cannot threaten to put Sealand on the naughty list whenever he is being bratty.

7\. Sweden says that's a little too far, even for me.

8\. Being Santa is a lot more difficult than you think!

9\. These elves don't work for free and the deadlines will leave you dead!

10\. I am not allowed to prepare for Christmas in advance.

11\. And by in advance, I mean around 5 months in advance.

12\. Jingle Bells, Mutsinnussija~~.

13\. I cannot brag about my education system to nations like America.

14\. Nobody likes a braggart.

15\. I cannot attempt to market Nokia body armor in the global economy.

16\. They'll protect you from practically anything!

17\. Well, not including me and my stock of weapons.

18\. But you shouldn't have to worry about that~~!

19\. Making all nations ban one cent and two cent coins the EU's top priority is not allowed.

20\. But WHY?! It isn't like I can buy anything with one cent!

21\. I cannot forcibly drag people into my saunas.

22\. It's good for your health, come on!

23\. Then again, Latvia did pass out when he remained in there for longer than ten minutes.

24\. And a lot of nations didn't look too good when I threw them out into the snow.

25\. Ah, silly me, I forgot the cold can hurt foreigners, unlike Finns~~!

26\. I cannot keep on creating so many strange World Championships.

27\. For some reason, the others don't think it's necessary to have a World Championship for wife carrying and mobile phone throwing.

28\. I've won in both of them!

29\. I cannot invite any nations to partake in my annual Day for Failure.

30\. But failure is a good way to learn for the future!

31\. (And trust me, some of them need to learn how to lose)

32\. *cough cough* Denmark *cough*

33\. I cannot bring mammi as a treat for the World Meetings.

34\. I sent half of the attendees to the hospital…

35\. That's just the mammi's way of purging the weak~~

36\. I cannot tell England that I'm America's real papa.

37\. Because there will be a huge argument who America's real ancestor is.

38\. Dad Fight!

39\. I cannot tell the Italies that I make better pizza than them.

40\. They insulted my smoked reindeer ham, so I entered the international pizza contest and beat the two of them!

41\. And guess what it was made out of~~.

42\. Smoked reindeer.

43\. Revenge is a dish best served stone baked~~.

44\. I cannot threaten to kill fellow European countries in an attempt to garner more votes for Eurovision.

45\. 12 points.

46\. No less.

47\. (⊙◡⊙✿)

48\. I cannot give Peter the traditional top hat and sword when he is older.

49\. It's a sign of honor, not a potentially lethal weapon!

50\. (Well, it's still a weapon, but I won't blame Sealand if he uses the sword anytime soon)

51\. I cannot declare cutting off wifi service an international crime.

52\. Access to the internet is a basic human right!

53\. I cannot skip World Meetings in favor of Sweden's IKEA Roleplaying forum.

54\. Sweden is Mr. Sofa, Norway is Mr. Wardrobe, Denmark is Mr. Carpet, and I'm Mr. Chair!

55\. I cannot tell the micronations any of my folktales.

56\. I guess they didn't like my tale of the Finnish princess that strangled a king with a golden chain…

57\. Well, at least Moldava did!

58\. I cannot tell Russia to go fuck himself.

59\. I would, but I'm afraid he'd be sorely disappointed~~.

60\. I cannot play my heavy metal music during a World Meeting.

61\. Because apparently, not everybody's ears can handle the intensity.

62\. How could anybody live without listening to Nightwish or Lordi?!

63\. I cannot ask any of the Nordics to get a Christmas tree.

64\. Because they will end up getting something that is not a Christmas tree.

65\. For example, Norway got a Christmas butter stick.

66\. Sweden got a Christmas IKEA couch.

67\. And Iceland got a Christmas dildo.

68\. Let's just say that that year's Christmas was not a merry Christmas…

69\. I cannot attempt to kill anybody that is keen on the idea of teaching Sealand the meaning of this number.

70\. I cannot, under any circumstances, drink all the coffee before Norway wakes up.

71\. Coffee buddies don't take all the coffee for themselves...

72\. The two of us have more coffee in our veins than actual blood…

73\. I cannot put mandatory coffee breaks in place during World Meetings.

74\. They let others out for smoke breaks, but not for coffee breaks?!

75\. I cannot call decaffeinated coffee sin.

76\. If it doesn't have caffeine in it, then it shouldn't be called coffee!

77\. I cannot call Norway 'overgenerous'.

78\. Norway, I appreciate the thought and effort…

79\. But don't you think giving me an entire mountain for my birthday is a bit too much?

80\. I cannot try to dissuade Estonia out of his life aspiration of becoming a Nordic.

81\. Now that is dedication...

82\. (Sorry Estonia, I don't think you'd fit in here...)

83\. I also think the other Baltics are sorta mad at you right now...

84\. But I'll give you a gold star for trying!

85\. I cannot host an ultimate hockey championship between me, Canada, and Russia.

86\. Because it will inevitably end with several people in the hospital.

87\. Including ourselves.

88\. But don't worry, last time, we escaped the hospital to continue our game~~!

89\. Feeding Sealand salmiakki is not permitted.

90\. Calling him a spoiled little urchin when he refuses it is also not permitted.

91\. I cannot attempt to maul Denmark when he steals my Moomin plushie.

92\. Yes Denmark, I know it's super cuddley and stuff, but it's still mine!

93\. I cannot act like a jackass whenever I win in Minecraft PvP.

94\. That includes calling the other Nordics asswipes.

95\. I cannot bribe the Olympic Committee to let me host the Winter Olympics again.

96\. Because Canada will always manage to out-bribe me.

97\. Somehow...

98\. I've had a nice time sharing my list with you, I hope you did too!

99\. Näkemiin~~!

100\. (Time to start preparing for next Christmas!)

* * *

**2-3: In scandinavian countries, Donald Duck is so popular that they had to institute a law to prevent people from voting for non-existential candidates because so many people would vote for Donald at the elections.**

**12: Mutsinnussija means "motherfucker" in Finnish.**

**15-18: Nokia is Finnish phone company is pretty famous for the durability of their phones.**

**19-20: There are no one cent coins in Finnish currency and while two cent currency is legal, it's never used and shops aren't required to accept it.**

**21-24: Bathing in saunas is a huge tradition in Finland and there are around 2.2 million saunas in Finland alone. You would take a bath before you heated up the sauna to 80 to 110 C and sat inside for a while. Usually, when the heat become uncomfortable, you would just get out and jump into a lake, pool, river, snow in the winter, and sometimes you would even cut a hole in a frozen river and jump inside that!**

**25: Finns are pretty famous for their endurance in the cold and many finnish people claim that the cold can't affect them.**

**26-28: Finland has all sorts of weird and zany World Championships, not only wife carrying and mobile phone throwing, but also swamp soccer, sauna sitting (Sadly discontinued in 2010 after a contestant died), boot throwing, and air guitar.**

**29-32: Finland has an annual day of failure on October 13th! The purpose of it is to learn from your mistakes for the rest of the year and accept failure! H**

**33-35: Mammi is a traditional Finnish dessert that's only available on easter and according to , tastes like "the roof of your mouth after you visit your local Oktoberfest and wake up a week later in a cargo ship headed to Lithuania, and looks like what you'll poop immediately afterwards".**

**(Source: blog/5-badass-easter-traditions-we-desperately-need/)**

**36-38: Finnish settlers did come over to the North American continent here and there around 500 years before christopher columbus set foot on the Bahamas, so you can still find some Finnish genes in the American gene pool!**

**39-43: In 2005, when former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi visited Finland, he angered Finns when he commented that Parma ham was clearly superior to Finland's smoked reindeer and his entire culinary experience there while visiting was "an endurance". Three years later, the Finns got their revenge when they beat Italy in an international pizza contest with the "Pizza Berlusconi", made with smoked reindeer! The Pizza Berlusconi has become so popular that you can still order it from Kotipizza, Finland's version of pizza hut. (the pizza was baked on a baking stone, basically a baking tray made out of stone or ceramic)**

**48-50: In Finland, when you earn your Ph.d, you're given a top hat and a sword!**

**51-52: In 2010, Finland became the first nation in the world to make internet access a legal right. (Smart move, Finland)**

**53-54: (NOT A PEWDIEPIE REFERENCE I SWEAR) Ikea names their sofas, coffee tables, and bookshelves after places in Sweden; beds, wardrobes, and hall furniture after places in Norway; carpets after places in Denmark; and dining tables and chairs after places in Finland.**

**55-57: In the Heimskringla (book chronicling the stories about Old Norse Kings), there's one story about Skjalv, who was the daughter of the Finnish King Froste. When King Agne of Sweden defeated her father, he tried to take her as his wife. She refused, but he dragged her along anyway. On the way back to Finland, he held a huge banquet to celebrate his success and the clever Skjalv waited for the drunk king to go to sleep for her chance. He was wearing a gold necklace on his neck so she strangled him with it in his sleep and hoisted his dead body onto a tree. Oh Moldava, I guess that one reminded you of Romania's stories…**

**58-59: Finnish-Russian relations tends to switch between cool and warm, depending on the times. Russia has had a long history of invading and occupying Finland and the two fought against each other in the winter war. Nowadays, the two heavily trade with one another, boosting each other's' economies tremendously, but disagreements over borders, airspace violations, and pollution of the Baltic Sea by Russia, keep the relations somewhat cool. Also, there's a lot of anti-Russia sentiment in Finland and Russians in Finland are subject to discrimination and hate crimes.**

**60-62: Nightwish and Lordi are two very successful finnish heavy metal bands. Nightwish's music is primarily inspired by film music and has sold millions of albums around the world. Lordi is known for wearing their monster masks and using horror elements with pyrotechnics in their concerts; they're also extremely well known internationally as well.**

**63-68: inspired by aphtexts's posts! (Iceland got a Christmas dildo since he has a museum purely dedicated to dicks, after all)**

**70-76: As of May 2015, Norway and Finland have topped the list for "most coffee drinking countries", Norway second and Finland first. There's a lot of traditions revolving around coffee in this country, like the mandatory coffee breaks and coffee buffet tables. Decaf isn't very popular in the country, so don't ask for any while in Finland.**

**77-79: While this hasn't been confirmed yet, Norway has been thinking about giving Finland one of their mountains for the 100th anniversary of the Finnish Declaration of Independence in 1917. Finland is flattered, but doesn't think he can accept such a huge gift.**

**80-84: It's Estonia's life goal to become part of the nordics… Sadly, though, the other Nordics don't seem to agree with this.**

**89-90: Salmiakki is a sort of salty liquorice that's popular in Finland.**

**99: Näkemiin is goodbye in Finnish! (if any of the finnish phrases were incorrect, please tell me and I'll try my best to correct them!)**


End file.
